I have days where I feel so bad that I just don't care. While other times I try my best to dress my body! Is anyone else like me?
Most Helpful Guy
Yes. After the appeal against my permanent expulsion from school, for causing £9.95 worth of damage to a wall display with my head (it's a long, long story), failed, I went through a period of depression which was so intense that I gave up on absolutely everything for a few months- before that, I'd been intensely driven, an almost obsessively organised cleanliness freak. But during that period, I stopped caring about anything- my life was over before it had even begun, so what was the point?
I didn't just stop brushing my hair, or stop caring what I looked like. I stopped venturing out of my bedroom, stopped changing my clothes, stopped getting out of bed, stopping brushing my teeth regularly and washing my face and wearing deodorant, and practically stopped eating. There was no point of doing any of those things any more. I even stopped bathing for a short period; the first time that I had a bath after being expelled, I lay in the bath for almost two hours trying to drown myself in it, and hated myself for being too weak to do it- hated my subconscious for forcing me to surface for air and breathe when I was consciously trying with all my might not to. I had no friends, no-one to turn to. I've never gotten any counselling or support- I had to get through it all on my own, get over the complete destruction of all of my life's dreams, hopes and previously realistic ambitions (repeatedly- it would happen again and again, to the extent where it's become the story of my life) and 'be a man'. And to an extent, I never have completely managed to get over it entirely.
I'm not suicidally depressed any more, but I'm still depressed- I still feel so bad that I don't care about myself a lot of the time, but I also know that in spite of how little I care about myself, I still care about myself infinitely more than anyone else ever has or ever will. I know that no matter how much effort I put into looking as good as I can, other people are still going to think that I look like shit. I still try my best. I still go through the motions, because I have to. I still fight as hard as I can, because there's nothing more that I can do on my own. But just because you're doing your best, doesn't mean that your best is going to be good enough. Life isn't fair- some people have walks in the park, others have to soldier across a constant battlefield. And there are only so many gunshots to the chest you can take.1
Most Helpful Girl
I don't know if it's considered depression but there have been days when I get so down that I would just stay in my pajamas all day... Hardly eat, don't even wash up, or care what I look like. Days like these I just stay in and don't feel like going anywhere or doing anything, and don't even wanna talk to anyone.
Usually I feel this way because of some reason, like someone hurt me or something happened. I don't just feel down for absolutely no reason.1