Most Helpful Girl
I'm so sorry that you're hurting :'(
I think you really need to reach out for some help. You can't cope with something like depression all alone, and you don't have to <3 . Talk to someone you're close to about how you feel, and ideally find a doctor you can tell too. They'll be able to offer you real advice; and choices of treatments, maybe therapy, possibly meds; both are valid.
I hope you feel better really soon <30