People who hurt you in the past, secceding in their life. Is it wrong to feel that's unfair?

I went on Facebook yesterday and saw that one of the boys that bullied me in middle school is now some kind celebrity chef and it's really been weighing on me ever since.

First let me state, I went to a Catholic school from 6-8 and you are with same kids from start to finish. So, it's not like it was some random guy in the school hallway who said one comment to me. He was someone I had to see everyday for 3yrs and was one of the many main people. He even tried to put my head in a garage bag and when I told the school they said "He's parents pay good money to the school and he would never do that". So, to see his face in a picture and see he's successful and smiling is hard to see.

Second, I know people have many opinions about kids who were or are bullied but being bullied really effected me in the worst way. It broke me. It changed me and the way I view myself. I had insomnia after that, I was defensive, I had zip zero zilch confidence, I had bad dreams and I got an anxiety disorder because of the bullying. It messed with me mentally, emotionally, spiritually and in many ways. I've spent the longest time changing and growing and trying to better myself and my life. Everyday I try to make strides forward in my life and this year alone I have made many. So, to see that guy that bullied me be successful and get this great stuff in life and me try and try and try and never give up but get nothing for that effort. It just feels unfair and it's hard.

So, have you ever felt that way before?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The thing you have to have to understand is that "wrong to feel" is an emotion and like all emotions, it's neither good nor bad. It just is.

    As for being bullied, I've gotten over it and if I did see something like that, I would truly wish the best for them. I have no time for feelings like that as it's kinda like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is the thing:

    It isn't how nice you are that gets you places, it's how hard you're willing to work. Whether or not they were bullies is irrelevant; people change, and if they work their asses off to make a name for themselves in a difficult industry then they're deserving of it. Even if they had help, they had to do the work to get there. It either that or dumb luck, but dumb luck isn't that common

    You were bullied, that sucks. So was I, but holding onto it and pouting that the bullies from your past are doing well only hurts you more. I know you're working hard and it might feel like the pay off isn't here yet, but you can't allow that notion, and the notion of other people doing better, stop you from doing well in your life.

    "Comparison is the thief of joy" as they say.

    I've had a few moments in my life where I asked myself why I felt that my hard work wasn't paying off, and I realized something: it was because for every ounce of effort I put it in, as time went on, like physical training, I needed to bump it up. If working hard isn't working then work HARDER, that's all you can do.

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What Guys Said 5

  • No different from people who cheat and NEVER get found out... Its life, I agree with you wholeheartedly, but to say that life is "unfair" is incorrect and illogical. As crazy as the world may seem there is balance that is being held, plus you never know what the individual was going through at home.

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  • His soul may be dead on the inside, or karma served him and he served karma's punishment.

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  • As people get older they become wiser and more mature. Some people indeed regret what they've done in the past when they are still quite naive.

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  • You lost. Bullying is humans way of establishing a pecking order because we are a hierarchal species. You were pushed down and accepted your place on the bottom. It's on you to stand up and not care some asshole is now good at cooking dinner.

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    • 3mo

      People's lack of compassion towards people who have been bullied, is quite unbelievable. Traumatic things change a person and bullying changes a person too, it messes with your brain chemistry. The fact that no one gets the damage it causes, is also unbelievable.

      For the record, I don't care that he can "cook dinner". It's more seeing a person who was one of the leaders of the pack in being mean to me have all this success, knowing the universe rewarded him for his bad behaviors from the past. It's just a little hard to take.

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    • 3mo

      @loveisbeautiful
      I know how it feels when others make your school life miserable during your puberty years, an important age to make friends. However, by feeling terrible about your former bully's accomplish, you'll still giving power to him. Don't give him any power. You be happy about your life in the present and even if your bully become rich, screw it. Even wealthy people aren't the most happiest people ever either.

    • 3mo

      accomplishment

  • Don't care. Their lives. I lead mine.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Pray for him every day until it no longer bothers you. Pray for the people who enabled him. They will all have to answer for it one day and they will get way worse what they gave.

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  • Yes, that happens sometimes. The important thing is just living well and only caring about what you do in life.

    All this talk about karma seems BS. Just live your life well.

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  • No it's not wrong I feel that way too about certain people

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  • I felt the same way before. I was feeling extremely heartbroken over a failed relationship only to see that same ex smiling in pics with his new girlfriend (and to make matters worst, our breakup was not even that long ago). My ex treated me like crap, dump me then found love meanwhile I was still single and heartbroken. I thought it was completely unfair.

    I'll tell u the same thing that helped me: Focus on yourself. Let go of the past. You literally cannot change what has already happened but you can control the present. Choose to be so content with your life that you don't care whether "great" or "not so great" things happen to him. It might take some time but speak it into existence that he will no longer control ur emotions.
    You are free from him. Do not let his success dampen your spirit. Set your own goals and work hard to achieve them all. I hope this makes u feel better.

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