How to tell more heavy set friends that they cannot borrow your clothes because they will either stretch them out or rip the seams?

I am pissed off right now. I had forgotten one of my favorite jackets at my friend's house and she wore it, totally ripping the seems on both sleeves and ripping the arms. No offense, but she is a big girl. She has a wide set with bulky shoulders and meaty arms. Nothing wrong with that. She's seeing a detrition and doing her best to improve her weight but I'm pretty sure it's genetic and there's not a whole lot she can do to avoid it. Her mother is a very heavy set woman and she's always had the body type that looks amazing if you bust your butt to stay in shape but once she stops working out, she kinda sorta gets a double chin and starts putting on more weight everywhere. Did I mention that this jacket is made out of pure silk? I am really pissed off. I've had another friend who is bigger just take it upon herself to borrow one of my camis to sleep in and she stretched it so much that it never looked right on me again. I don't want to be rude and say "You're too big to be borrowing my clothes. We are not the same size." but I lost my cool and messaged her on FB saying, "You know we are not the same size. Why would you try to wear my favorite jacket without asking my permission then destroy it? It's fucking ripped all over the place."

How should I handle this situation? I am really pissed the hell off. She's already been slacking but now I'm finding out that she destroyed my jacket and didn't even tell me she wore it. What do you think? Do you have any advice?

Updates:
3mo I don't mean to be a b*tch but I work very hard to maintain my figure and health as well as affording to buy clothing so it really makes me angry for my property to be destroyed because a friend thought she would be delusional and try something that would not fit her. I pretty much went off on her. I feel like there's an expectation for me to not say anything as to not hurt her feelings and be sensitive towards her weight like she's supposed to have a free pass at ruining my clothes.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This is what I think. I think that you should talk to them. They shouldn't be borrowing your clothes whatsoever if they know that they are heavyset and that it won't fit. I don't think a real friend would do that without asking. If it was me I would have asked / looked at the size before wearing it and I would ask my friend first since I knew it was hers. Even if I didn't and I looked at the size I would ask around and see because it wouldn't have been my size. And if she didn't tell you she wore it don't be friends anymore they don't deserve to be friends with you if they do that.

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What Guys Said 2

  • She's been 'slacking'?
    Make them pay for it if it's ripped, if it's 'stretched' then you'll both likely argue and no resolution will come of it.

    You already told one off, how did that go?
    First and foremost DONT LEAVE SHIT AT PEOPLES HOUSES. If you think it's hot leave your shit on your shoes or by your shoes so you'll remember, or in your car. You can simply say "I dont want you guys wearing my clothes", make up a bs excuse if you want but either way they sound a bit stupid.

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    • 3mo

      You act like I intentionally left my "shit" at her house. I accidentally forgot it in the process of leaving very early and she lives over an hour away.

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    • 3mo

      No, you didn't give a valid response. You talked down to me and made the post all about your arrogant desire to scold me and reprimand me as if people don't ever forget their belongings in the process of being on the go. This isn't me being incredibly pissy, sweetie: this is me honestly informing you that your mouth her is utterly worthless. Your "advice" isn't nearly as effective, significant, and impactful as you arrogantly assumed it was.

    • 3mo

      You don't have the intellectual power to "rustle my jimmies". You're clearly nothing more than a narcissist who fails every time he opens his mouth. If anyone on this post is farthest from getting MHO, it's certainly you.

  • Get better friends? Your friends are either stupid or inconsiderate or both.

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    • 3mo

      @op
      I don't know how you type, but I don't use my mouth. Cool skill though I guess... You appear to have rustled jimmies to the 10th degree. Either way feel free to fixate on the one point and fly into your rage, I don't really care. Blocking just proves the rage is real, have fun.

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    • 3mo

      @posted Correction: YOU spammed the guy, I simply replied. YOU took your tantrum to his post and got a fiery response in return. You are not welcomed on this post and you were dismissed. Move along, roach.

    • 3mo

      @posted I'm not the one following some random person on the internet around like a rejected puppy dog, desperately trying to be invited and included into their presence like you are. This isn't me trying to feel like I've won; this is my response to you thinking you can get away with being condescending trash.

What Girls Said 3

  • If you don't want them wearing your clothes just tell them, if they ask for a reason why, say you're not the same size and don't want them stretched out. I know how it feels, my grandmother has really wide feet and keeps coming in my room trying to squeeze them into a pair of my shoes. She did that one time and the shoes didn't fit the same again. You shouldn't have to justify not wanting someone wearing what's yours but if they ask for an explanation that could be something to tell them.

    Also, I noticed your quarrel with @posted and honestly he was just offering you advice. He told you what to do about your friends.
    "Make them pay for it if it's ripped, if it's 'stretched' then you'll both likely argue and no resolution will come of it."
    "You can simply say "I dont want you guys wearing my clothes""

    And then offered advice on how to avoid this in the future. He wasn't being arrogant or condescending or rude in any sense of the word. Expecting someone to take personal responsibility in an unpleasant situation isn't them mistreating you. While people make mistakes, it doesn't stop you from being the one responsible for your things when you leave someone's house.

    I leave things at my boyfriend house all the time, but if it's something important to me I either put it in a place I'll remember to pick it up in, or leave it in my car. Nobody is blaming you for your friend wearing and damaging your clothes. You had no idea that would happen, but you're still responsible for your own things, nobody else is. He just offered a solution to prevent this in the future. There's nothing wrong with that. He was helping.

    If anything he gave better advice than the people who've answered thus far. Everyone else is just agreeing with you or calling your friends stupid. While that may be true, so far @posted is the only one who offered genuinely helpful advice.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you for advice on the original post.

      You may not think he was arrogant or condescending but insinuating that I'm "intellectually inferior" *exact words* or acting as if to place blame on me for making a common accident is rude and disrespectful and I won't be tolerating that. There's nothing wrong with accidentally forgetting something at a friend's home and it's not something I need to take "personal responsibility" for as if I intentionally did something wrong. I've had friends accidentally forget something at my place and it's not some big deal where I struggle to make sure their belonging is not ruined before they come back and get it. He didn't "just offer a solution" when he followed me to another post and insulted me and no, he was not "helping" so don't try to tell me someone was being helpful towards me when I felt the exact opposite.

    • 3mo

      You offered genuinely helpful advice but lost MHO for agreeing with someone who blatantly arrogantly condescended and insulted me. His advice is not "genuinely helpful" and I gained nothing from it.

  • I don't think you're in the wrong at all!

    If I were larger than my friends, I wouldn't even think about risking it. That's just down right selfish, really. The least she could do is apologise because she should have known that this wouldn't have ended well. If she's a good enough friend, she'll understand that you're upset. Tell them exactly how you feel and you'd prefer her to ask permission in the future.

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    • 3mo

      Thank you very much for such an empathetic, understanding answer.

  • why let people borrow your clothes?
    make them pay for what they ruin.

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