Was this sexual assault or just him getting even?

So I was hanging with a group of friends, mostly my guy friends. They were playing around and wrestling and stuff like that. Eventually I joined in a little bit, and I gave one of my guy friends "purple nurples", which is what they called twisting each other's nipples. It was stupid and silly, but they were all doing it, so I did it to him without thinking about it.

But then he grabbed my nipples (through my shirt, he didn't try to touch my skin) and twisted them really hard. It hurt really bad and I felt really violated and kind of betrayed. I tried to laugh it off but I couldn't really.

My question is, was it wrong for him to do that? It felt like I was assaulted. But he thought it was fair because I technically did it to him first. I feel terrible. Part of me feels victimized, and part of me is mad at myself for feeling that way because I might have deserved it. If I feel violated, does that mean I'm not treating men and women as equals? What do you think? Was it wrong for him to do that, or wrong for me to be upset about it?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You asked for it and you got it. You committed a sexual battery of him and then he committed a battery of you. Why are you feeling like a victim instead of a perpetrator?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • So why did you do it to him? He just returned the favor. I mean you can tell him that you didn't like it, but I just dont see how you can twist someones nipples in good fun, but then feel victimized when they do it to you...

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What Guys Said 15

  • He was just as wrong as you were for doing it to him. Two wrongs don't make a right, of course, but you can, at least, see why he did returned the favour. You're playing it up in your head like it was meant as a sexual assault rather than "pay back". If you think it's okay to pinch his nipples but it's not okay for him to pinch yours, you are indeed supporting an inequality in the sexes.

    I don't think it was wrong for him to do that because you started it. It's not like everyone was doing it to each other and then a guy just randomly targeted you. The guys all ruled you out entirely but you picked the wrong one to jump in on and so you received this as a consequence. Are you wrong for being upset? Not necessarily, but you have to see the logical steps from action to reaction and know that it was initiated by you.

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  • Yes and no. The fact that you did it to him means that he could do it to you. However, that is a bit of a no-no to me (I wouldn't do "purple nurples" on girls). Just take it as a lesson learned and not do it again. Especially if there were no other girls in that pile, that would help explain part of the reason why you felt violated. Usually, guys just do it to other guys. In fact, I'm a little surprised he did it to you (a girl). Granted, that doesn't mean guys like it done on them either. But we shake it off by doing it back to them.

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  • Don't play with fire if you can't handle being burned

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  • Don't go to a lions den. He prob breezy returned the favor sort to say. But he should of thought about it before doing it. Whenever guys are playing like it is better not to join in for the same reason above. Specially if you doubt want to get touched.

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  • its not sexual assault its a purple nurple.

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  • He obviously sees you as one of the guys and didn't mean anything sexual about it. Don't act like the victim of a friendly and harmless revenge by him.

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  • what a dumb question, you started it, Its just like saying you kissed someone and OMG they kissed you back

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  • It's bad, but you did it to him. What did you expect?

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  • well you violated them so they violated you so to speak. it is only equal treatment.

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  • I think the wrestling around got out of hand. Maybe next time play video games.

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  • "I might have deserved it." Of course you did.

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  • Imagine someone punched you and you punched them back just as hard. They then went to the police and said you assaulted them. Out of context you did, but in context no. What you both did was wrong though.

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  • You did it to him first so it's fair game 😂

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  • If you did it to him, you need to expect it in return. Technically, it is sexual assault, in a legal sense... but Don't set a double standard.

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  • Wrong? Not necessarily. You did start it.
    Bad idea tough? Seems like it.
    "You dont wanna play? Dont come to the playground". Seriously, just be more cautious next time.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Considering you did the exact same thing to him, you can't really say he sexually abused you without saying you also sexually abused him.

    HOWEVER.

    Let's address the actual issue that no one will admit: women's breasts are seen as sexual whereas men's aren't, so he should have had a bit more sense than to not acknowledge that it fundamentally will be regarded as less appropriate.

    All in all, I don't think he meant anything that severe by it, just let him know not to be touching up on your boobs and don't touch up on his.

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  • You didn't technically do it first. You ACTUALLY did it first. Lmao, don't do to other what you don't want them to do to you. You want respect for your body? Respect someone else's body.

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  • He was getting even with a side order of inappropriate behavior. (10%) he knew it was wrong but needed to one up you to probably teach you to never do that to him again.

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  • It was wrong for him to do that. Nothing wrong with some fun wrestling with a guy, but he should respect that you are a girl and not one of the guys. Even play wrestling is still about winning and losing, it's not about hurting each other.

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  • Lol you did it to him first

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  • Nope. You shouldn't have done it and not expect them to play rough back. Did you tell him not to?

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