How to be a strong woman?

This may be a silly question but I don't know. I was severely emotionally abused growing up, which effectively destroyed my self esteem. I've always been pretty dainty and sensitive, flinching when someone raises their voice, freezing when someone scolds or gets mad at me, not saying my opinion because I hate confrontation, obeying basically every order I get, playing every situation safe, often choosing to not attempt a task rather than risk making a mistake, etc.

Anyway, I want to change. I want to be confident and capable and brave and badass (lol). How can I work towards that?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Boost your confidence!! Lol I'm sorry about your childhood, you're not completely broken there's hope for you! Facing your fears helps. making mistakes and learning from them is always grand. and learn to be more assertive! even if you're scared. I don't know how else to help you😅

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I completely understand your situation, I have been in the same situation most of my life. I believe that you have to find something in yourself that you do like (everyone has something whether its intelligence, soccer skills, playing the piano well, your pretty hair, your nice body, etc.). there has to be something that you have accepted about yourself and you need to focus on that. Mine was school-smarts. If you can focus on one good thing about yourself then you can have more confidence and confidence builds on itself over time. Then you also need to surround yourself with people that make you feel good, not people that drag you down. Try to focus on yourself and not on other peoples problems even if it is hard. Lastly, take action to change the things you can change while accepting the things you can't. For example, if your grades are falling then bring them up but if you got an F last year then accept that. When you accomplish things and work on making a positive change in your life then you will feel stronger and in more control. GOD LUCK!(:

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What Guys Said 8

  • Aw... feel bad for you but it'll be okay! You can either try to get over your past by yourself or if you feel up to it seek a professional. Doing it by yourself though... might be harder and you'll have to be stronger mentally. Its a shitty situation.

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    • 3mo

      Edit: Best thing to learn is to forgive and forget. You had a rough childhood and I have no idea what's that like but forigiving and forgetting maybe should be one of the things you should strive for. Don't let it be a part of your life. Another thing is to make yourself feel positive constantly, get rid of anything negative. Also try to put yourself into situations where you are uncomfortable so you can get used to those things. Stuff like that I guess.

  • You need a Therapist. See one as soon as possible.

    Others will see and take advantage of your vulnerabilities. I suspect that you can be easily manipulated into doing things you don't want to do.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah, unfortunately, I'm a definite people-pleaser. I've improved a lot in that area, but I still have a long way to go. I just got out of a 2 year relationship and my ex tried relentlessly to manipulate me into staying.

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    • 2mo

      I did see a therapist when I was in that relationship, but she was booked pretty solid so I usually only saw her once a month. And our sessions usually ended up just being about my relationship. I had to move cities after breaking up with him, so I can't see that therapist anymore, but I do plan on seeing one in this city.

    • 2mo

      @Asker, that's AWESOME to hear!

  • You just gotta stop doing all those things you said you do

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  • Ignore haters tell them karma will get them , keep your chin up and keep telling yourself things can get better.

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  • Lift weights

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  • kickboxing and when someone pisses you off you drop kick them

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    • 2mo

      Lol well I don't really wanna go around asking for assault charges, but it would be great to know I can defend myself.

    • 2mo

      hire a lawyer from harvard you can do whatever you want then

    • 2mo

      enough joking though, in life you will have to take risks even if it makes you look dumb because it will make you mentally stronger
      -start reading books (self help a few author's would be - dale carnigie, paulo coelho, robin sharma etc)
      -workout
      - do something out of your comfort zone everyday even if it's embarassing

  • Surround yourself with good strong and confidant people and it will eventually rub off onto you. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive when its the right time. I'm sorry about your past, it always hurts. My mom and dad never really had time for me when i was little as both my parents spent most of their time outside the house. Focus on something you love to do and do things that make you happy. Make friends with confidant people... like go up to them and talk, you will be surprised at yourself after a while. And don't worry about what might happen... just think logically and you will be fine. All the best :)

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What Girls Said 12

  • If been in a similar domestic situation, and the only person who helped me be strong is the Lord himself. You have emotional scars from eons, and you still have to overcome those challenges as an adult. You just need to take a deep breath, take one day at a time, and walk. Don't remain stagnate, just walk, have courage and have faith. You can't do everything by yourself, and you never could. Learn to say no to things that is bad for you. Learn to stand up for yourself, your rights as a human being and your right to live as a human being. Nobody can do all these things and you don't allow it. You have owe up to your own faults as well, and let things be in the past. I hate confrontation as well. And you only want to be obedient and do so in love, not for you to be taken advantaged over. Because that's what your real problem is. There is nothing wrong with you. You want to be confident, capable and brave? Be yourself. It's starts with you. I have never changed from being myself. I was just like you growing up as a little child. The only thing I did change though, is not my personality. But I handle things and allow in my life. How I expect to be treated equally by people. If you don't command respect in every place you walk in this life, you won't be respected. And by command, I mean that you show that command by how you walk and speak with people in respect and honor. Because in the end, unless by choice, they will have no choice but to respect you, even if its silently.

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  • See a therapist. You don't have to deal with all that alone.

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  • Well you at least have put it out there that you want to change. That is the first step.

    Just every time you notice that you are doing one of the above think in your mind that you are a confident, capable, brave, and badass woman. I realize that might sound dumb but even if you see a therapist they will just give you exercises that pretty much have you do that same thing. You have to look deep within yourself and really if you want to be strong then you need to face this problem yourself. To an extent, a therapist may be helpful just realize that they won't completely fix the problem.

    Other Ideas:
    - Fake it till you make it. I sometimes do this and people think I am extremely confident and can 100% take care of myself. Which isn't always true but I didn't want people knowing that.
    - Keep a journal and document your progress. It might be nice to be able to go back and read where your started verses where you are!

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  • You have to rely on yourself. The moment you start to love yourself, you don't allow anyone to treat you like shit, you block out bullshit from people, you love being on your own. Just depend on yourself, and try to accept yourself and not rely on anyone else.

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  • Take the necessary steps to boost your confidence. Whether that be changing yourself physically or mentally do it then you see yourself having more of a backbone cuz you believe in yourself

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  • Exercise!! It makes you want to go RAWR!! 😈
    Exercise trains your body, but to get the best results, you have to train your mind and emotions too! Then other things seem easy :)

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  • Take lessons that happened in life and learn from them, build confidence in yourself, don't take peoples shit, when you are hurt feel your feelings.

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  • No idea I'm 19 and still as strong as a baby so...

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  • Listen to Beyoncés lemonade album for inspiration lol

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  • I'm just like that! I can definitely relate.

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    • 2mo

      If you were abused as well, I'm very sorry.

    • 2mo

      Well, I wasn't abused (I didn't read that part, unfortunately) but I developed low self esteem and became so shy that I act like that.

    • 2mo

      Oh well that's good! Lol I know there is hope for us :)

  • I guess it starts with learning how to love yourself and appreciate your best characteristics. Be proud of your personality traits that you like, be proud of your body, and just think to yourself that this is about you, not anyone else. This is something i think many girls struggle with and I also think it's one of the best things to learn. I certainly struggle with it. I try every day to be that strong cool confident person, and it's really hard because I haven't really learned to love myself yet. I almost think it requires you to become less selfless. It sounds bad, but there is a fine line between selfish and not as selfless, and I think it's really important to think about yourself and do what makes you happy. I think it will come from that, from not needing anyone else to validate you or to make you happy. You can make yourself happy.

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  • Just be one. You can not learn this. You are or you're not..

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