Is it bad that I laughed at this onion article (Everyone At Office Planning Shooting Spree For Same Day)?

KANSAS CITY, MO—Unbeknownst to one another, every single member of the office staff at Kelleher Advertising Associates is planning to carry out a workplace shooting spree next Monday, reporters learned this week.

According to their independently formulated yet nearly identical plans, the company’s 38 employees will arrive at the office early on Jan. 14, each carrying a duffel bag containing an assault rifle, handguns, and several hundred rounds of ammunition. At precisely 9 a. m., as indicated in each of their individual plots, every member of the advertising agency’s staff will simultaneously produce their weapons and open fire on one another.

“No one is going to walk out of the office alive on Monday,” 30-year-old copywriter Benjamin Cowan told reporters privately, completely unaware that every person he works with on a daily basis was equally prepared to carve a similar path of carnage through the office at the exact same date and time. “The first thing I’m going to do is shoot Adriana in accounting, then pump a few dozen rounds right into the sales department and [CEO] Doug [Kelleher]. They’re never going to see this coming.”

Cowan promised to unleash a “river of blood,” unknowingly echoing the words of all 37 of his colleagues.

“I’m going to shoot Ben Cowan first,” 42-year-old accountant Adriana Simons said. “Then I’m going to mow down Mr. Kelleher and the whole sales staff.”

“I can already see the expression of shock on everyone’s faces when they see me firing on them,” Simons added. “No one’s going to expect this.”

http://www.theonion.com/article/everyone-at-office-planning-shooting-spree-for-sam-30793


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think it's bad that you laughed. Onion articles are satire, it's funny because it's so strange and it's dark humour!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can see the humor in it.

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What Girls Said 10

  • It's pretty funny :P I love The Onion's stuff.

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  • LOL

    It's not bad at all. This isn't serious, so it's okay to laugh.
    However, if this was serious and you were laughing, then I would think you have a problem.

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  • Haha it's the onion though, so you can't be offended if we laugh

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  • Onion is a big joke and doesn't write anything that's worth taking seriously.

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  • Kind of reminds me of a certain ethnic firing squad! LOL

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  • I don't blame you for laughing 😂 It's dark humor, this article is ridiculous. Who wouldn't laugh at this? rofl.

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  • Lmaooo I love the onion.

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  • Why would you laugh

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    • 3mo

      For the same reason I lauged at their other articles,
      Its a humor site, its not real news,
      Its just the blackest comedy out there

    • Show All
    • 3mo

      According to Syrians on both sides of the conflict, entire swaths of the country are now off-limits for fear that bombed-out buildings and blast craters could be harboring bands of angry scorpions, komodo dragons, mace-wielding cavaliers in full chain mail, or, as children recently swimming off the country’s coast discovered, giant piranhas.

      “We’ve tried laying traps, blanketing the streets with land mines—we’ve even imported several dozen cargo planes full of Africanized bees to combat the bears, but the bees just ended up attacking us, too. Nothing has worked and we’re running out of options,” said Ahmed Rahmoud, a spokesman for the embattled regime. “While President Assad is, at present, willing to sit down and negotiate, these creatures are not only leaderless, they seem completely unwilling to compromise.”

    • 3mo

      At press time, thousands of lions, hawks, anacondas, fire ants, flesh-eating bacteria, shrieking black-caped horsemen, and leather-clad motorcycle gangs were seen amassing just a few miles away from the Syrian border.

  • Omg I've never heard so much bullshit before 😂 but I know it's a joke site 😂:P

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  • It is funny! Hand guns and AKs in a duffel bag are so April of 99. Airplanes and vests made of bombs are the new mass murder weapons! Get with the times guys!

    Too soon?

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What Guys Said 11

  • @Waffles731 Laughing at something like this is called "gallows humor."

    Wikipedia: "Gallows humor is humor about very unpleasant, serious, or painful circumstances. Any humor that treats serious matters, such as death, war, disease, and crime, in a light, silly or satirical fashion is considered gallows humor. Gallows humor has been described as a witticism in response to a hopeless situation. It arises from stressful, traumatic, or life-threatening situations, often in circumstances such that death is perceived as impending and unavoidable.

    Sigmund Freud in his 1927 essay Humour (Der Humor) puts forth the following theory of the gallows humor: 'The ego refuses to be distressed by the provocations of reality, to let itself be compelled to suffer. It insists that it cannot be affected by the traumas of the external world; it shows, in fact, that such traumas are no more than occasions for it to gain pleasure.'"

    It is perfectly normal and a coping mechanism for dealing with the grim reality that sometimes. . . life sucks.

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  • I can see the humour but a bit too dark for me.

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  • Wow... lol.

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  • Exactly my type of humore.

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  • That's dark humor, it's hilarious but I'm surprised nobody got in trouble for it.

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  • Loooooooooool
    Hahahahaha
    Epic

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  • Don't feel bad. I did too.

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    • 3mo

      The onion is just SOO FUCKING FUNNY
      take a look at this one
      www.theonion.com/.../syria-conflict-intensifies-as-bears-enter-war-33659
      DAMASCUS—Syria’s ongoing civil war entered a new and dangerous phase today as tens of thousands of bloodthirsty bears reportedly descended on the strife-torn country, charging from city to city on a murderous rampage.

      Terrified witnesses confirmed that scores of semi-conscious residents have been dragged from their homes by their necks, torn limb from limb, and had their innards feasted upon by hordes of vicious bears, which appeared to target individuals regardless of whether they supported President Bashar al-Assad or the insurgent opposition.

      “We thought the violence couldn’t possibly get any worse, and then all of a sudden the streets were crawling with ferocious, roaring bears, indiscriminately thrashing everything in sight,” said Syrian rebel commander Salim Idris, wearing an eyepatch from a fresh claw wound

  • The onion sucks

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  • You'd figure something like this would happen eventually.

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  • Teamwork!

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  • I laughed so hard when the China press took TheOnion serious and reprinted their article "Kim Jong-Un Named The Onion's Sexiest Man Alive For 2012" xD

    www.npr.org/.../the-onion-so-funny-it-makes-us-cry

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