A woman yelled at me on the bus for not giving up my seat?

I hopped on the bus when there were available seats. So I sat down and started scrolling on my phone. On every stop, more and more people started coming in and it was pretty crowded. I didn't really pay attention though because I was hooked on reading something on my phone, plus the ride home is quite long for me, so it's not like I have to pay attention to the stops.
Once we arrived at a pretty popular stop and a lot of people started hopping off, this one older woman started scolding me for not giving up my seat to someone older and for being on my phone instead, as she left the bus.
I get her point but... I really was in my own world and that's just who I am :/ if someone had actually asked me to give up my seat I would have gladly done it. But I didn't pay attention. So if she wanted my seat, she should have asked. Instead of yelling at me after the fact, when getting off the bus and it was too late for me to even do anything.

What do you think? Should she just have asked or should I have paid attention to the passengers who hopped on?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Consider this a lesson in manners. Those doesn't seem to be taught very well these days. Why should that lady have asked you for a seat? Why weren't you considerate enough to pay attention to others? Instead of thinking about YOU first, think about others first. THAT is where so many fail.

    You already admitted you weren't paying attention to what was going on around you and were totally engrossed with your phone. That shows indifference to those around you. Expecting THEM to interrupt you if they needed a seat is poor thinking. Being considerate and paying attention to older individuals who may not be able to stand very well on a moving bus shows you're being considerate. How many times has someone asked for a seat and gotten attitude about it afterward or once the individual left, all they did was complain about giving up their seat? That's why older people won't ask.

    Some have stated the obvious - that you're not obligated to give up your seat. Instead, pay attention to what's going on around you instead of your phone. YOU make the 1st move and offer someone older the seat. If they decline - fine. At least you showed them you were thinking about their needs above your wants. I'm in my 50's, and if I see an older person looking for a seat, I get off my fat rear and move, offering them the spot.

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    • 2mo

      Shut up

    • 2mo

      @Kantana - Exactly the response I expect from a self-absorbed, ill-mannered individual. You're the one who would sit there while an elderly woman struggles to stand on a bus. SMH

    • 2mo

      @Goforit1010 It's not anyone's job to observe every single person that comes onto the bus and to expect everyone not to use phones on the bus.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't know where you live. But when I lived in NYC, the general rule is to be courteous and give your seat to a disabled, pregnant and the elderly period. Those kind of people that did what you did, would often be rude, even to people who are younger than me or of my own age. Overall, the lady was not looking for you to give up your seat for her, she was saying about how rude you were by not paying attention and being on your phone period. You may not have an obligation to do so. But people these days thinks tradition is old, and today being rude and out for yourself is far too accepting. Even I don't agree with people of this generation and even my own generation. That is one of the reasons why I don't want to live here anymore. Can't stand the people and this way of living. Anyway I hope this answer your question.

    Again, I understand why you would be confused and a bit ticked. But you have to remember back in her time, people was more respectful, traditional and courteous. Do you see that today? Rarely and not likely. If you don't want to accept the lesson she was trying to convey, then expect it a lot from other people who treat you the same way. That's all I can tell you.

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What Guys Said 27

  • Fuck people like that. If you need the seat, ask for it. Don't expect me to be sitting there watching everyone who gets on so I can leap up the moment someone who might need it, needs it. The best part is, she's getting offended on someone else's behalf, but who? She just objected to you in principle. Lousy teenagers with their Macintosh iGalaxies and their Tinders and Pokeygomen.

    Once upon a time I was on the subway tuned out (headphones on) and this busybody yells "sir" at me over and over again until I hear it over my music. She then tells me (with everyone staring) I should give up my seat to some old woman who just got on. There were two young women sitting either side of me but she didn't bother them, she came right for me, the guy with the bad back who can't stand up for long periods of time. I was humiliated and gave up the seat, and wanted to tell the stupid bitch to go fuck herself.

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    • 2mo

      was that bitch sitting down then you could had said then give off your seat stop being the seat police and mind your damn business. Fuck.

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    • 2mo

      Honestly maybe she sexist I don't know or race? because it just so wow how she didn't say it to everyone on a seat.

    • 2mo

      That sucks! And yeah, what about people with illnesses or other invisible injuries? Like you and your bad back. It's very rude to yell at someone when you don't know their story or what they're going through. So I agree. Politely asking is much better than making assumptions or yelling at others.

  • I wouldn't take it too far to heart. Some older people are pretty cranky, have ailments, etc.

    You could make a subjective wider argument, do people really need to be glued to technology all the time, what about the people around them; is it really a good or indeed, safe idea to switch off from your environment? You know, I sometimes go to a martial arts class in an industrial area. It's not the roughest area in the world, but still, you see silly weedy little boys, about 16, walking while glued to the screen, walking alone, not paying attention to their environment. As I say, it's all subjective. It is good to try and pay attention to the people around you though. You've just sort of illustrated why. They could be struggling, suffering in some way, and you're just in your own world... But I'm certainly not going to preach. I do understand that if you're coming back from work or school, you generally don't want to engage with any body. A little more care may not hurt though.

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    • 2mo

      Usually I do pay a bit more attention but today was a long day for me. If she wanted my seat she could have asked 😕 Sure I could have paid more attention but she can't just expect everyone to pay attention to her at all times... so is it really that hard to ask?

  • she's passive aggressive... expecting you to pay attention, I get it, but if you aren't it helps for her to ask. she's wrong to yell at you.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah... I will be paying more attention from now on but her rudeness towards me wasn't necessary at all.

    • 2mo

      no it wasn't. I'm sure she had her reason, pain in her body, pain somewhere. if you got to know her you'd find out whats going on. but don't personalize it, it is about her not you mostly.

  • Welcome to the world of men, where women expect you to be a mind reader, rather than do the simple and obvious thing like open your mouth and ask for what you want.

    Frustrating, isn't it?

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    • 2mo

      I've always hated that about people..

  • just a grumpy old lady. don't think too much about it.

    I see it like this: If someone has problems in the bus, they can always ask me nicely to get my seat and I will give it to them. Simple as that. If you don't ask then I assume you don't need it and in that case I don't see why I should give it up for someone else. Standing in a crowded bus is no fun for me either and just being older is no reason for me to offer my seat unless I clearly see that someone is struggling. But that doesn't mean that I watch all the time for people who might need it more than me... like I said, they can just ask.

    I might have more respect for an older person because of what they might have achieved in their life. But a seat in the bus has nothing to do with that. The only thing that matters there is if you need it because of health reasons or not.

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  • You are not obligated to give up your seat on the bus. More so if that person is being disrespectful to you and starts yelling at you.

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  • Dude don't worry about it. Fuck her. Its one thing to give up your seat out of sheer kindness on your own accord. But she just sounded like an entitled ass, and being old doesn't justify that. Plus, she was a stranger - she had no right to scold you about it.

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  • That woman could have given up her seat.

    I was on the bus and we have designated seats for the handicap that you MUST vacate, however we have seats that are for people in need that you SHOULD vacate. Well the bus was pretty and there was 3 guys sitting in those seats with 3 others empty. A woman gets on the bus, sits down and then says (in a rude tone) "can't you people read?" And points at the sign. Well since they were young and didn't seem to be from around here I decided to butt in and say to this woman "I'm sure they can read, but can you comprehend? That sign does not say those guys can't sit there". Well she shut her mouth and just stared out the window the rest of the trip.

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  • You are right - She should have politely asked for your seat

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  • As a young male I have the lowest priority of anyone when it comes to seats on public transport. I dont mind though because I like to think oneday when im old Ill be able to sit down.

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    • 2mo

      I know what you mean. I had a woman grab my shirt pulling me back so she could get on.

  • She has no manners. Asking is the way to go, not demanding.

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  • Never sit down on public transportation unless it's completely empty. People don't realize how entitled old people can be.

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  • I was sitting on a bench once when 2 old women decided to stand right in front of me with their backs turned waiting for me to move without saying a word. Annoying hags.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VeV1NZVIh4k

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  • Each time some stranger offers me help or a seat, I'm surprised.

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  • You should tell her that the younger people have to work and are tired, so you needed to relax, where as she was probably retired and gets to relax as much as she wants and a few minutes standing isn't going to kill her.

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  • I don't think you did anything wrong. They could have asked you to give it up. Once I was getting on the bus and this woman probably in her 20's grabbed the back of my shirt and asked where were my manners that girls go before boys. I thought it was rude of her to just grab my shirt like that.

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  • Forget about it... these days some people even find it offensive if you offer your seat. So I never really know what to do properly. If she was older ok it would have been nice to offer, but you didn't realise... she really shouldn't have said anything. Forget about it

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  • You should Always pay attention to your surroundings. And I believe you would have given up your seat, as you should, had you noticed her.

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    • 2mo

      "You should Always pay attention to your surroundings" That's unrealistic.

  • she should have just asked, its not that a big deal.

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  • I was raised to always give my seat to the elderly or women or children

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  • You should be paying attention to the things around you.

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    • 2mo

      Yes of course but how hard is it to just ask?

    • 2mo

      I understand you had a long day. And it is ok to be on ur phone but you also have ro pay attention. As far as she asking well I was brought up to give up my seat to the elderly and ladies without them having to ask. B

    • 2mo

      That's unrealistic.

  • You should always pay attention to your surroundings. Don't get sucked into your phone.

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  • Fuck those bitter old hags. They're not entitled to shit, and you can't demand courtesy. .

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  • Put your seat up for auction and make a little money

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  • I would have shoved that old lady out the door.

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  • in sweden no one does that and its awkward to do it because no one does

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  • You had a seat. Stay there. Their problem, not yours.

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What Girls Said 17

  • I wouldn't mind giving up my seat for an elderly person if they needed it, but like you said, I rarely pay attention in situations like that. If the woman needed to sit down, she should have just politely asked.

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  • You were so glued to your phone that you didn't even look up to see what kind of people were boarding the bus? Listen, you're on public transit not your own personal vehicle. Any kind of person could walk on that bus at any minute. Not paying attention who comes and goes is dangerous. You should've at the very least done that.

    Nonetheless while you're not obligated to do anything for anybody it's polite. Old people's bodies are worn down, they're hurting and aching. Younger people seem to think standing isn't that big of a deal but for some it is, especially if they have arthritis.

    Don't listen to the scum bags of gag that have never learned human decency. People think the elderly should be treated like trash and like they're entitled but it seems they forget unless they die young, they'll become old too.

    Elderly people DO need special treatment, just like pregnant women and the disabled. Anyone who argues that is a piece of trash. Like I said you're not required to do anything for anyone else, and she had no right to yell at you (although I'm sure it was more scolding than yelling, which in that case it's not as bad) but it is just polite. It's basic manners to at the very least offer.

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  • I personally think there is courtesy obviously but if you didn't realize it it's not really your fault. Besides, when you think about it, it isn't like surrendering your seat is mandatory, as mean as it sounds.

    There were multiple other people who could have given up their seats so why she focused on you is beyond me. Either way I feel you did nothing wrong and she was just being crotchety.

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  • "Asking" would Have been More... Polite.
    On the Subways, I have been on in New York, they Always instruct everyone, hun, to Give up their Seats for Older people and also Ones with children.
    I believe I probably Would have Given in and told Her, "You need it more than me, Ma'am."
    Good luck and Surprised you were Able to aet Any cell Service. xx

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  • I don't think you did anything wrong either. But having said that, I think our generation has a habit of intentionally staring down at our phones to avoid interacting with strangers.

    Older people see that as rude, and quite frankly, sometimes it is. Not in your case if you truly didn't see her.

    But I've seen many other cases where a person my age was obviously doing something like that, pretending to be oblivious, just to avoid being courteous to someone else. We could all probably do a better job of that. :)

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  • You weren't paying attention. You were reading on your phone and zoning out, which is what I probably would do in your situation as well. However, had I seen an older person standing, I would've given it up as well. Don't be too bothered by her. Maybe just look up from your phone here and there on future bus rides to see if you can share your spot then.

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  • She should have asked. Anyways it's probably dangerous for a young woman to make eye contact with every passenger that gets on the bus, it might draw unnecessary attention to her.

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  • Old people are like that.

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  • Ignore her, she clearly has nothing better to do than berate people and make them miserable. If she really wanted your seat, she could have asked nicely. Just because she is your elder does not entitle her to your seat.

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  • I think you were selfish, not intended tho. In some places, you are actualy obliged by law to give ur seat to elders in case there are any available. Pay more attention and be considerate to others' needs.

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  • you are not obligated to give up your seat, but it would be common courtesy for someone to do so

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    • 2mo

      Yes of course, and I would have given it up if she had asked... but she didn't so I don't get why she yelled at me 😕

  • She simply should have asked

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  • She should have asked nicely, and at the same time I think you should have payed attention to your surroundings. That way if an old person comes, you would give up your seat for them.

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  • You should give up your seat if there's someone older, but that doesn't give her the right to yell at you.

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  • r u from russia
    usually in russia elders ready to fight for seat in bus, lol

    when i see an old woman standing while i sit, i will give up my sit to her gladly, but when those old women start yelling, i will also pay no attention

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  • I would have ignored her... i do what you do all the time. if she has a prob she could have said something to you nicely. what a little cunt

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  • She sounds like a bitch. Don't worry about it.

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