I'm traumatized due to family. Help please?

I'm broke and I can't afford a psychologist right now, which is why I am asking who ever I can.

I am living on my own, studying at uni, doing a part time job, paying my own bills. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, am on medication.
I had a terrible home situation. My brother (older than me by 8 years) and father used to always argue at the top of their lungs and physically fight each other. My brother was a trouble maker and has been in trouble with the law before. He is a very big guy - about 6ft 2 and really muscular, and has a terrifying voice.
When I was 16, he got into a huge argument with my dad. I locked myself in my room for days and wouldn't talk to my brother. He came to me and asked me what's wrong. I told him he didn't have to shout at dad that way. He got really really angry at me and told me to stay out of his business. I told him to please respect that there are others at home and neither me nor mom want to be exposed to these quarrels. He shouted at me real loud and pushed me against the wall. I cried and cried, and tried to take my own life.. my dad had to take me to hospital. The hospital told the cops on him. My brother was kicked out of the house.
A few months later, my brother saw me walking through a park. He ran up to me, and without even greeting me, he grabbed me and threw me against a tree and shouted at me "do you know what you put me through you fking b*tch". I was scared for my life and shouted really loud. He then dropped me and walked off. He moved away and I haven't heard from him since.
My dad is now critically ill with heart problems, and my mom is not coping. I feel that my brother caused my dad's blood pressure to rise and develop heart troubles.

I feel like I have the worst life ever. Every day, I get flashbacks of those two attacks my brother made against me. I cry about the way he shouted at home and ruined my life. I am crying about my father's health. I am so scared of men in public now.

Help!

Updates:
2mo If anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice, please do help me. I really need help. I feel that my medications aren't enough. I'm unable to concentrate on my studies. It's affecting my work and relationships too.

Humble request for help.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Erm, hi. I might not be able to help much but, erm, your brother has anger issues. He might have been a victim before and that is what made him evolve into something he's not. But that's in the past and can't be changed. You gotta go visit your fam when you can. I ain't a family guy but even i know when you call a truce and go home.

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    • 2mo

      Men in public is a totally different story. Asadi could help you. But do feel free to ask me for any other things, im here to help.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay first you need to learn how to take your mind else where when you bave these flashbacks, second your mothers emotions and fathers illness ARE NOT your fault nor are you responsible for them. You need to confront this other wise you will keep chasing your own emotions... sit down or call them physically and tell them how you have been feeling and you feel responsible for everything, I bet 100% they will not blame you and 10 to 1 they most likely feel like they haven't done a good enough job for YOU... AS for your brother YOU didn't do anything to him, he has mental issues and until he accepts or physically and emotionally works threw them he will keep repeating his own failures.. you are not responsible for his present or past circumstances nor are you obligated to make anybody happy... try writing a letter with everything he has done and made you feel like even if you dont send it, it is a healthy way to cope and let it all out. You need to deal with it straight on

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    • 2mo

      Thank you so much. I did what you said and it really helped me. Really appreciate the difference you made for me.
      Can I ask you one more question please? I keep thinking about how I will react if I bump into my brother again in public. I am still scared he will shout at me and/or assault me. I am also scared of walking by myself in public, just in case another man will randomly assault me.
      Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

    • 2mo

      Okay, well if you are afraid to run into your brother or any man in general that crosses any boundary that you have,.. you HAVE THE right to defend yourself, the option to call police.. maybe file a restraining order or order of protection against him, you may not know where he lives but with being a hot head im sure the police could track him down to serve him papers... you can NOT give him that kind of control over your life, I mean think abou how many great opportunities you will miss by being scared and looking over your shoulder.. call the police station ask to speak to a female officer and see if they know of any self defense classes you can take, hell take marital arts even. that way you can physically defend yourself.. and the rest is just mental games of I can control and abuse. emotionally gain control back of your life then nobody can dominate you or strip you down to nothing.. you ARE stronger believe it the past is just a scar, and a scar is something that is weaker then u

What Guys Said 1

  • kindly follow me i want to talk u in detail

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What Girls Said 1

  • Just focus on your parents don't worry about your stupid brother. Stay away fro him unless he wants to have a normal conversation with youths make sure other people are around you. Not every man is like that so don't be scared. Thinking about your brother will only make things worse so try to forget him. If he gets violent with you call the cops!

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