If your Dad or Mom were Suddenly to Pass away, Would you Drop your own Life to Care for the Other?

I am in Charge of all of my Parent's Affairs. I also own the House they live in, along with my other Two siblings.
My Dad was recently Diagnosed with a Tumor in his Lower Intestine, which has our Family very worried. He is going to have it Removed as Soon as he is Instructed to do so, and of course, we will Know whether or Not it is Malignant, which We are Praying that it isn't.
I have been thinking if Anything would happen, what I Should do about my Mom? I don't Want her left alone in the Woodsy part of the Country, and even though she is Surrounded by Friends and other Family, everyone has their Own lives.
Perhaps I Would go Stay with her, if anything Happened to my dad. I could Continue my own life of course. That would be no problem. However, I am not sure I Want to go Back to Living in the Country again. I have a life that I do have, a very Active One at that, and I am Contented with this.
It's A lot to Think about.
What would any of You do if it was your Own parents? What would you Do if your Parents one day Suddenly... Needed you in a Crisis situation where One of them Would be left Alone at Home?

Updates:
My dad is waiting anxiously for a Call back from the Gastro for More testing.
Thank you, everyone, who has Shared this Sad time with me. xx

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I have been through this - I know it is impossible to do but try not to worry - What I mean is that you don't know what is happening till your father's tests come back - What your are doing now is coming up with 27 different plans with an (a), (b), (c), (d) and (e) possibilities attached freaking yourself out - Wait till your father results come back and hopefully your father will be alright but if something has happened, sit down with your parents , siblings, close family and close family friends to decide a plan. In my case when I got all the information , with my family, we made some big decisions but even within that things changed forthnightly, maybe even weekly sometimes daily. You are in my thoughts but I can't emphasize enough "Cross that bridge when you come to it, IF you come to it" - You will be no good to your father, worried sick.

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    • Thank you, @Saoirse_Nura, and you are so right of course. I spoke to them both today, dad has more tests next week but their spirits are uplifting. I told them I researched the different kinds of tumors in this small Intestine so they need to do things to determine more. However, it is small and all, so maybe it has not gone anywhere.
      I know we would decide what to do but it would be mom's decision. She would want my company, to be around as well, but she also would never expect me to Babysit for her. I just cannot stand her ever being alone at home.
      Thank you so much for the encouragement, it is so appreciated. xx

    • @Saoirse_Nua xx

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What Guys Said 23

  • I think so, I would get a puppy. To not only have something there to hold and grieve the loss of the two people that created me and supported me for all my life. And also to then give something the love and care my parents once gave me to it

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    • Thank you, hun. They have a 10 year old Yellow tabby named Buster Brown who is their own baby. I will probably get him if anything happens sooner to my parents, where Brown outlives them. xx

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    • Thank you, dear, and sometimes with the Blind leading the blind, they keep trying. xx

    • Wait blind? 😳

  • I'm sorry to hear that.

    I would give as much help as he/she needs, but I won't stay with them and be their personal carer. If you can't live on their own because of your age... there exist things like residential care home. my grandma used it too before she moved to the retirement home.

    but right now that wouldn't be the case... my parents are more or less healthy and wouldn't need any help other than emotional support

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    • Thank you, @Yumix, for the thoughtfulness, as always.
      We had to do something like this with my grandma but my mom is good to still of course stay alone but she has been so used to my own dad, I worry about her.
      I just mostly think of her being alone to do everything and even when you hire out, it is still being alone at home and feeling the pain and loneliness. xx

  • Absolutely not. Of course i have a damn good reason. My mom through my entire history has been incredibly abusive, hateful, and manipulative. She chose drugs and men over me at every turn. I will likely let the state bury her when she dies as well.. Its because of her that i dont even know who my dad is.

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    • I am sorry for your own sadness. Unfortunately, you will never know a Real mom or what a Real family is. I guess there is always someone worse off than one self. Thank you for Sharing. xx

    • Actually thanks to my wife i got to experience that for a short time, until her mom died.. I think i cried more than she did.

    • Beautiful then. xx

  • I like to help others to make me feel better :D
    Both helping out a friend, or providing first aid, are things I like to do... so I think that makes the answer to your question: yes! :D

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    • Thank you for Coming, you indeed always put a smile on my face. It's nice when you can be very helpful with others, even if it is Not to Commit to a Sore Situation where it is Long term 'First aid.'xx

    • Gosh no, first aid has to be step one before either the minor injury heals or you see a doctor :D

    • Yes, I agree. However, I bet my own dad wishes that "First aid" would be the answer to his prayer. xx

  • Sorry to hear that and I of course hope he turns out Ok. As for the question, yes I would come home. I'm in Europe but would come back and figure out the international details later.

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    • Thank you, dear, for your kind words and suggestions. And yes, I think if I had still resided overseas, I would come home too.
      All is okay for now. Dad has of course his bad eye and breathing disease but they are okay with helping the Blind leading the blind. Just wish they would get out of the country side and move closer to the valley with more life there. xx

  • Absolutely. My parents have loved me unconditionally and I do the same in return.

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    • Me too, which is good I only live 2 and a half hours away. xx

  • I lived with my father for about 2.5 months after my mother died, because he was going through some medical issues himself and also he was completely helpless with money, cooking, taking care of the house, etc.

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    • So sorry, for your own sadness. It isn't easy. But it shows that when it comes to family, many of us pitch right in when we have to, and also because it is in our hearts to do so. xx

  • May God protect your parents from any serious illness give them long life with good health and good spirit and that you get their love for a long long time. Just pray hard. They will be ok. That is all I can say. And please be there for them like they were for you when you were a dependant infant and young child. Very hard to read anything like what you posted.

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    • Thank you so much, I so appreciate this. yes, God is the answer for sure, praying hard. It isd God who gave Dad signs to even go to the doctor's, many tumors cause no pain. xx

  • I would not

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  • Yes, when my mom took sick she wouldn't go to the doctors
    but we stayed in touch with her to the end.

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    • It's Good People like yourself who have a Big heart when it comes to family. And I know that I will always be with my own parents until the end, my friend.
      Thank you for stopping by with your own story. xx

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    • Yeah i see , i live on Hill in City area so where i live i can walk to the river in 10 minutes.

    • Oh, great then, hun!! xx

  • Nah i don't think i would drop my life but i would take care of them and I'm so sorry to hear about your dad i hope it's not Malignant my prayers will be with your family xxx

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    • Oh, thank you, sweet guy. I so appreciate this. We are waiting for his consultation with the Gastro doctor.
      Yes, it is hard to live with them but good to know if you don't, that they can depend on a helping hand and a shoulder to cry on.
      Thank you again and my blessings. xxoo

    • no problem xxx

  • I'm sorry to hear about your father Paris... I don't know what I would do, I just don't know.. I took care of my dad when he had a stroke years ago and my mom recently with her eye operation. If I lose them. I don't know what I would do. Yikes

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    • Thank you so much, @Keepcalm89, and so sorry about your dad's stroke and mom's eye surgery. It's a tough call when they get sick and they need their children.
      My dad also Has Emphysema and a bad eye from smoking. My mom is okay but she depends on dad.
      Thank you so much for these kind words and For caring and sharing. I pray that everything is okay for you on your own end. xxoo

    • You are so kind! Thank you so much! My dad is all good now since his stroke about 10 years now but it still felt like yesterday.. you know the worry and the dark that morning was.. my moms all good too.. she's back to her regular life too! I pray abd hope it goes well for you too!

  • i would live with them and take care of them

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  • I think you already know what you should do, and I think you will do just that.
    You will go to look after them won't you, I know you don't particularly want to live in the countryside again, but you know it wouldn't be forever,

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    • My sister and I would sell the house if it came down to it and put my parents closer to them in the valley. With the winters o bad, liek tonite, one would think they would want to move to Florida. lolxx

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    • I've been wondering if we'll get more

    • lol I hope not but March can be full of Madness. xx

  • Yep
    Sorry to hear about that

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  • unfortunate, I am really doing that.

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  • Honest id move my mom near me or move near her but am sure she would want her own space.

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    • Thank you, bro, @skykidx1, and I know you would be the First probably to drop everything as this family oriented guy. xxoo

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    • Hopfully u got the best doctors

    • Yes, the Best in Upstate, NY. xxoo

  • I'm currently living in new Zealand while my parents are in the UK... I would 100% drop everything I have here and go care for them if anything that put their lives jeopardy arised.
    Hope everything works out for you.

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    • 5d

      Welcome to Gag Town, hun, and so far all is well on th e Hill with Mom and Dad. They live way up in the Country but my sister lives by, and I am assigned to the Affairs of their business but I also make it my own Business that they are Okay as well.
      I leave it in God's hands in the end, my friend.
      Good Luck here, dear, and Thank you so much, Kind heart. xx

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    • 5d

      I'd love to do as well as you.. People coming to me for advise.. You can talk to me whenever you need too... You seem lovely and genuine and that means a lot to me xx

    • 5d

      Thank you, dear, and if I can give you any advice, let me know, hun. xx

  • I did.
    Both of them.
    Same year.
    Still hurts like hell.

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    • It's the worse when it is a parent. xx

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    • Thank you
      I always knew you did.

    • Thank you, dear, I do, especially when it comes to my Family. xx

  • I won't even think about it

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    • It is a big responsibility.
      Thank you for your honesty. xx

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    • i think this shouldn't annoy wives
      as thats how we are going to raise their childrens

    • I didn't understand it at first but as time went on, I did. But I never felt insecure, for sure. xx

  • no that's what I pay the staff for to take care of them.

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    • That's great you have staff. However, even if I had someone who was in a Nursing home, hospital or even Someone to take care of them at home, I would always be there for them. xx

    • @Paris13 You are a good daughter. God bless you. God bless your parents for bringing up a child like you.

    • @HaveNoName thank you, hun. I would like to give them the credit for this, but I think that we all make our own heart something that has to begin from the start. I started with God. xx

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What Girls Said 10

  • Things change quickly & as a surprise, God is in charge - so need to plan a life as if you really had control. The docs will scare then bill those older until they are broke, beware. Finding an environment where parents can be self-caring, independant as possible with lots of friend support is best = you also get to live a freer life and be more empowered to help them, others & self.

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    • My parents have excellent Health Care, so no problems with this. Just wondering if something would happen to dad, do not want mom to be alone.
      I leave it in God's hands, was wondering how everyone would feel about this deal, if it were them?
      I had them make out a Living Trust for me to be in charge, alive or even Deceased to bi pas the Probate. I am in charge, Keep up on everything, and with my other sibling beside me when I need her, she lives closer, mom and dad will always be handled with care. xxoo

  • I didn't. I didn't go visit my mom often but I didn't quit my job. I missed her last day by 2 days. It's sad but things in life we can't controlled.

    Just do what's best for you sister. Don't feel guilty if you can't drop your life to take care of him. Just take it a day at a time

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    • Thank you, sis, and it would be me taking care of Mom if dad goes, or vice verse. But with out family, I am sure we would all pull together.
      Like my grandma with cancer, I lived far away as always but visited when I could, was there for the end and even the day after she had died, we all got together for the wake, in the Spring for her burial. xx

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    • You're welcome! Glad i could help a little xx

    • You always do, sis. xxoo

  • ina reasonable amount
    I need to find some happiness and make my own way
    buuut I d def put in some sacrifice since they did that all their life for me

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    • We are very close, I am in charge Legally of their own Affairs and with Love, I have Love in my own Heart from the Start, which is why God put me in Charge.
      Thanks o much, sweetie. xx

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    • why do they prefer it there?

    • They love the country living. We all years ago used to have a house in the city but then as teens, my parents moved us all to the country and now they are like fat cats. lolxx

  • I'm sorry to hear that. I did when my father passed away. Now my brother has stepped it up and is taking care of my mom while I get my life together.

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    • @Autumn-Bunny, so sorry about dad. I never lost a father or a mother but instead grandparents. It's tough.
      That's Great to hear that bro is there. And I know as well that you are also lending a hand when you can.
      Blessings, hun. xxoo

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    • Thank you as well, @Autumn-Bunny, for the Kind and thoughtful words. xx

    • Thank you, sweetie. I messaged you. xxoo

  • Oehh what a hard time you're facing :/
    I would take care of my parents, I would live with them again, or with you If you wanne move somewhere else. I hope everything is gonna be okay with your dad.. My prayers go out to you xx

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    • Thank you, dear, for Caring so much. They are okay at the moment but yes, it would be difficult to have to leave my own place and go take care of things. But my sister and I keep an eye on things up there and so far, holding their own.
      I have a friend who is younger and me and lives with his parents and is always worried what he would o if they would go first? xx

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    • Yeahh! 😊😊

    • I messaged you, hun. xx

  • i am trying to do that

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    • I know you have a big heart, @COCOACHANEL, I can tell. xx

  • In a heartbeat

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  • sorry to hear that 😕 my dad passed away in march from a rare blood cancer

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    • Oh, so very sorry, dear, that can't be easy for you or your family. Although I never lost a father or mother, I lost a grandma to cancer. I had thought at Point in my life, I was "Dying" with her. Worse time of my own life. loved one, is never something you can just Lick a wound and make go away. xx

      Thank you so much for sharing this.

    • thanks and your welcome

    • My dad is waiting for to go back for More tests. Just keeping it cool for now. xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear about your father. I went through the same thing 5 years back> Cancer took my father from us in 6 months. My mother who basically ignored me most of my life expects me to drop what I'm doing and run for her always now.

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  • My dad passed away 2 years ago so now Im with my mom, anyway I had always been single and never dated before so i live now with my mom and my brother.

    I have a friend who is married and have 1 one kid, his dad just passed away so she had to move back in again to her old house when she was single, in order to take care of the mother, cause her mom was left alone once her husband passed away. So now this friend lives in the house with her husband, their kid and her mother.

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    • Wow, so sorry for your own dad's passing, hun, and it looks like you have a lot on your own plate to endure.
      Thank you so much for this story, it made me realize we all have something that is in our life of strife that sometimes we need to endure, for sure. xx

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