If you don't mean it, why say it?

There seems to be at least a couple of things on here this week, that probably make people wonder that. I always wonder that just in general. I'm not big on doing or saying things, just to say it or do it because that's what I'm suppose to do. When you do that, people have tendency to get hurt. There's a saying "say what you mean and mean what you say", so with that in mind.

Why ask someone to split the check on a date, if that's not what you actually wanted? If you just going to question the persons character (simply based upon them agreeing to what you suggested), why even bother suggesting it?

Why say yes to someone who asks you out if you aren't really interested in them? I mean, if you weren't into them from the start why continue the relationship and lead them on to believe you feel something you don't? What's the point in that?

Why say yes to doing something or going somewhere you don't want to do or go, just to make everyone else happy? So, they'll be giddy as a school girl and you'll be miserable and uncomfortable, what's the point in that?

If you don't mean something or don't want to do something, why not just be honest to start with?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In theory this sounds good. In practice social conventions can build up that demand not following this. As social conventions are less strict (and universally understood) then they once were, saying what you mean, tactfully, is a better approach, most of the time!

    But a lot of things are like when someone says 'hi how are you' and they're not actually asking, and you say 'fine' or 'great' unless something brutal just happened. Or you say 'nice to meet you' even though you probably don't care.

    When my mother was young for example, it was customary to offer dinner guests seconds. Even if there was no food left. It was a way to appear proper and generous. And the guests understood they would say 'oh no no no'. And if the hostess pressed a -second- time, then that was understood to be a genuine offer.

    Now on the one hand, this sounds pscyho, on the other hand, it's a way of preserving this idea of generosity and a good time even when things may have been scarce. It allowed everyone to politely ignore the fact there was no more, and all insist they were full.

    But then, you know, people don't know that 'rule' and things fall apart.

    So I suspect we have girls who think they are supposed to show they were ready to pay half, but genuinely expect the guy WILL pay, they just know it would be rude to show up and be like 'yeah I didn't bring a wallet because your wallet fits beside your dick in your pants'. So they thought they were playing out the 'oh how nice, thank you' ritual.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I get what you mean, I am going to say that usually when I half ass stuff it's because I feel pressured to do it. I am learning to set boundaries. Like if I don't take my brother in, I would feel that my family hates me. They will call me names, so I guess I do it out of fear of others. I really don't want to rescue him, he is hard to live with and he just wants to take advantage of people, and he is very reactive.

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What Guys Said 11

  • some people aren't sure of the scenario, aren't good at sayng no or holding their own boundaries. It is an insecure, unconfident or confused person.

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    • 2mo

      Yeah I can't say no to people 😂

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    • 2mo

      And this really helped me so much, thank you my love 💋

    • 2mo

      @Jeniferh21 welcome. definitely work on that... just practice doing it and feeling ok with yourself. there are narcissistic and manipulative people who will pray on that weakess (they are ill but they don't know it). So you want to be a strong, confident girl with high self esteem before you date, k!
      Watch this... to someone without self esteem and ability to say no would send this guy money to appease him. you are young you wouldn't, but an older person might...

      blessings!

      www.facebook.com/.../

  • I dont think you should ask for so many different opinions in one question, but here i go!
    1. Why split a check? Cause its affordable an id only ask if i myself was hurting for cash but wanted to go on a date with you.
    2. Now this isn't for everyone but when you go out with someone it doesn't mean you have to like them right away, you can do it to get to know hem. an maybe even start to like them, thats what dating is for, its to see if your compatable with the other party
    3. why do something i dont like? I do stuff i dont like cause im not a selfish prud that need to always fo what he wants, i can try to go out an enjoy what others enjoy, just cause i dont. like it doesn't mean i can't have fun with the people who do

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  • I say what I mean to say always with a few (1%) exceptions. Sometimes gagers call me mad , insane , good for nothing and what not. I have even been called a rapist on this board. Some have even asked me to visit a psychologist. I say only one thing to them. I am here to give honest opinion. I may be right or I may be wrong. I don't mean to hurt you. You don't have to believe what I say. You only take it if it is helpful to you and leave me alone.---My famous statement in this situations is "YOU KEEP YOUR OPINION AND I WILL KEEP MINE. Let us agree to disagree and let gags decide what they want to do with what we say."

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  • Emotions make us say things some times that we do not mean. (Anger, for example.)

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  • Agreed. Don't tell me you have a boyfriend if I ask you out and you're not interested (and don't have a boyfriend). Honesty is always the best policy. Do not be a cold-hearted bitch either. You can let people down without destroying people's self-esteem or lying to them.

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  • Check = test

    Asking out = on the fence about being interested in them.

    Going / doing something = people pleaser / don't want to be seen as a "stick in the mud"

    Mean something = not thinking before talking.

    I think I covered them all.

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  • My sentiments exactly. My generation is terrible at following through with promises and saying what they mean.

    If I promise to do something I'll do it (albeit a bit late, possibly), and I don't sugarcoat stuff. Ambiguity helps no one.

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  • People who say that like to play games in my opinion

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  • Honesty is a precious thing. Don't give it out too freely.

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  • I'm mentally tired

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  • Yes I agree with this! I don't get people who say the whole miss you or let's catchup if it's just fake.

    I think it's really sad that some people do this.

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What Girls Said 8

  • sometimes it's about making sacrifices for people you care about. sometimes it's about being courteous instead of selfish. sometimes it's about taking a chance to try something new you didn't think you'd ever want to do.

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  • Lots of people like to wear masks... for various reasons... to avoid conflict, to get away with something, to be nice, out of fear, etc.

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  • I generally mean everything I say
    Some boring people are exceptions. Like my teachers or some class mates

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  • Our of politeness, I imagine. Out of doing or saying what is expected.

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  • Dating has too many games and sometimes in order to kerp a person interested one lowers their standards or act outta character - its not right at all. people just feel compelled to conform..

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  • Wish you told my ex that. Could have saved me a poop load of heart ache.

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  • Agreeded. Why say it if you don't mean. Honesty is the best policy.

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  • I feel we (are all) guilty of this because we are afraid of something. A fear-driven response is usually the result of someone who is not sure of themselves and need reassurance in life.

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