Am I obligated to buy my boyfriend expensive presents just because I make more than he does?

When I first started dating my boyfriend, we both made the same amount of money. 3 years later, I've worked hard to get promotions and raises and I've doubled my income while his has stayed the same.

My boyfriend has no problems asking me for expensive presents for holidays and birthday. He's asked me for 2000 laptops and 800 phones, etc. I've never asked him for a single gift. If he feels like buying me something, great. If not, great. I was raised with the belief that if I wanted something, I would have to earn it myself. Not ask for it.
Every time he asks me, I always turn him down. I'm fine with a gift worth a couple hundred, but close to the thousands? No. I worked hard my money and I don't see why he thinks he's entitled to it.

Also, when we go out for dinner/vacations, I pay for it probably 75% of the time.

I don't know, what do you guys think? also, he doesn't ask his sister or parents for these things, just me. And this is a 34 year old man, not a 16 year old boy.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • you are absolutely not obligated to buy him expensive crap. so lame when someone thinks just because you have money it should be spent on them. as you said if you want to spend it on him that's your choice but you aren't obligated and he shouldn't have the expectation

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Most Helpful Girl

  • No, and this screams "freeloader!" to me.

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What Guys Said 26

  • Nope, you're absolutely right. He indeed is NOT ENTITLED to being bought expensive gifts by you. Because if you think about it. What if you stop buying him gifts, then will he leave you? If so then that's not truly love, he was only using you to buy him stuff. Love is about mutual respect and trust, not materialistic. Caring for each other and supporting each other emotionally is much more important than materialism or physical possessions. Besides you're already paying and covering for more than half of those dinners and vacations, he should be grateful he found a lady like you that pamper him and spoil him. Because if I ever did I knew I would.

    I think you should try and motivate him to work harder and be more ambitious and seek promotions so he makes more than what he currently does now. And once he succeeds, THEN you reward him with an expensive gift. They do say no pain, no gain right?

    That will give him an incentive and become motivated to work harder and make more money, hopefully.

    And if he doesn't, then nope, because like you said he's a grown ass man, he needs to accept responsibilities and put in his own effort to "earn" what he wants instead of always asking you for it.

    Because if you continue to spoil him, then that would become a habit that he will develop in your relationship with him.

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  • I think he is rude, crude and very self centered. First, I don't buy anything for someone who thinks they are owed it. Let him get a better job and buy the stuff himself. If he is not happy with what you buy from the kindness of your heart, get a guy who will appreciate you and not just what you give him. He is going to push you to the point of resenting him. I get that sense from what you wrote, but don't want to assume. He acts like a child when it comes to this. Its sad he puts you through it.

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  • I would never ask for expensive shit like that as a gift to my girl. he's using you for your money. I'd say dump his ass. I feel bad at Christmas time my parents still spoil me. I tell them I don't need anything and yet my car seems to be packed to the brim with gifts every year. I was taught the same way you want something you make money and buy it for yourself. He treats you like a charity and at 34 he should know better.

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  • No effing' way, this dude is a moocher'. Then again it's nice to see a female be on the other side of this scenario for once.

    Sadly, this a scenario that has a double stander when it comes to genders. Here's the problem, if this was a marriage you'd have a problem here. He doesn't have to ask you for a $2k laptop. Everything you make is kinda' his isn't it.

    Im thinking you need to reevaluate where this relationship is going.

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  • You say no, he keeps asking? Alarm bells ringing here - gold digger alarms! Put a stop to it, or you'll be paying his way forever.

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  • Nope. I wouldn't take it even if you offered it. But I'm old school.

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  • You're in the right. You don't owe him anything.

    Now, I would have the same opinion if the genders were flipped. What annoys me is I guarantee that if you were a dude they'd tell you you're a cheapskate and that she deserves better than you.

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  • No you are not obligated. Sure it wouldn't hurt to share more since you have more, that your own personal moral views

    Just imagine if the roles were reversed, instead of asking for small things like laptops and phones women will tend to ask for cars and houses, maybe even boats and planes depending how rich

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  • Congratulations. You have overcome the wage gap. You have now earnt the privilege of dealing with gold diggers as men have for generations before you.

    Enjoy.

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  • Gold digger in men's edition. That's how it sounds to me. I would never ever ask my girlfriend for any gift.

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  • Not necessarily, only if you want to, for example if I was in a relationship with a girl who made more money then I, I'd be happy with something as cheap as tea, love tea, I wouldn't expect her to pony out extra money because she can afford it, plus money isn't important to me, if I could I'd do without it, but need it for rent and food and expenses, I'd be happy with what ever price she got me.

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  • he's not entitled to you money also.
    He doesn't need 2000 laptops and 800 phones if it was can you help me pay my medical bill to have this life saving operation then that's more understandable but not for sh it he dosnt need to me it sounds like he is becoming a male gold digger.

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  • I say "Hi-five" to your boyfriend. Women finally get to know what it feels like.

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  • Generally, I don't believe anyone should feel obligated to get gifts for their partner, just something thoughtful for special occasions or go out for dinner. Your boyfriend, however, is a spoiled brat and a mega-mooch, you might wanna weigh the benefits of the relationship and make sure he's worth it.

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  • i would say no. you worked hard to move up he didn't tell him to earn what he wants. if he has an issue with that then he needs to step up or get over it.

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  • what DA FACK? That shiz is expensive AF. He doesn't take things into consideration does he. I wouldn't stay with sumone like that. They are most likely using u in the long run for their own benefits. That isn't called LUV when sumone is tryin' to take advantage of u.

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  • Of course not. If it were me I wouldn't even accept those gifts if you bought them for me, and I wouldn't let you pay for my dinner or vacations either. If I can afford it, I will pay for it, if I can't then I will go without.

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  • I'm sorry but you have yourself a male gold digger :(

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  • "Every time he asks me, I always turn him down. I'm fine with a gift worth a couple hundred, but close to the thousands? No. I worked hard my money and I don't see why he thinks he's entitled to it."

    Do you know what cognitive dissonance is, out of interest?

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  • 2000 laptops and 800 phones? how rich are you, and what does he want with 2000 laptops?

    seriously though, you're not obligated to buy him anything, let alone expensive things.

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  • I dont believe anyone should buy expensive gifts. 2 best gifts I've gotten were appreciation letter and a plant (my favourite). Letter was under 1$ and plant about 2$ (my guess), but they made me happier than ever.

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  • You should probably just stop dating. The fact that he keeps asking you for things obviously shows that the longer you stay together the more he depends on you, and trust me, it is not fun to have someone depend on you from money

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  • No you should only do that because you want to do it not because anyone is telling you to.

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    • 1mo

      But how you feel is how most men feel when women do this to them

    • 1mo

      Yeah I think whoever is in this position would be frustrated.

    • 1mo

      Yep. I wouldn't put up with a female doing this to me because it screams gold digger and only in it for money to me.

  • If you really love him getting him stuff wouldn't be an issue if you can afford to

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  • dream girl detected

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  • only if you feel like you want to

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What Girls Said 12

  • Begin anew Beguine of Splitting everything, and Save your Money, honey. You need Some Stacks for your Future.
    By Enabling him to get Everything he asks for, you will in Turn, have Someone Spoiled who will Cry if he Doesn't get it. And these Gifts aren't Cheap neither.
    Sit your Hunny Bunny down and have a long Talk. Compromise. If one day you plan on being together as Two birds of a Feather, a Nest egg needs to be put Aside.. Right now, this Wise owl is Taking you for a Ride.
    You love him Unconditionally. This is Obvious Here, dear. Now test His. Do it soon. Time is Running out in this bad Economy, where many people all over are Dumpster Diving for a Morsel of Bread.
    Believe me, it is the One Talk you will be Glad you Did... Ask for. And it is Free.
    Good luck. xx

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  • Nope. No one is ever obligated to buy anyone gifts. I was raised the same way. My mother even taught us that she wasn't obligated to buy us gifts. All she had to do was provide us food, clothes and a place to sleep. Even when it came to clothes as a teen, she just bought us basic back to school clothes, and the rest we could get ourselves. We did get gifts, but she just wanted us not expect her to get them. I think it was a very good lesson and if I ever have kids, I'll teach them the same.

    As soon you're an adult, you should be able to provide for yourself. If you can't afford it, then don't buy it. No one else should be obligated to buy it for you. He was obviously spoiled as a kid or something if he believes that you should have to. He's thirty-four. Tell him to grow up already. If he can't afford it either he needs to work harder, find a new job or get a second job.

    It almost reminds me of my sister. She expects that I have to buy her things because I make good money. The thing is, she wasn't exactly spoiled. We had the same upbringing. So I don't get it.

    Might be time to kick him to the curb. I'd talk to him first obviously, but if he keeps it up, you'll have to make a hard decision.

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  • This is a hard one. I would say no you are not obligated to buy an expensive gift. I just went through this myself in reverse. I've been seeing a man who likes to pay for everything, income in the six figures. I'll treat him to smaller things like movies or pick up gifts along the way or have us use my new car for outings. He had a bday where this year I took him to a 4 star restaurant and purchased a gift 4 days before his birthday. 1st time doing something like that. We then went out on his actual birthday where he paid for drinks & dinner. I brought him another card & gift card so I would have something else to give him. He is no longer speaking to me. My birthday dinner/gifts did not count. He said he should never have to pay for anything on his bday. He was mad that he paid for parking the day I took him out for dinner even thought I told him I had the money. I never expect anything for my birthday, I was always happy to have him with me on my day. He won't accept my apology.

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  • No. It's your money. Your only obligation is your own needs. To me it seems like he's mooching off of you. And that's not right. I would never ask anyone to buy expensive things for me. I don't get how he has the guts to do it. I would consider this a red flag. Guy or girl, I don't think it's right to ask for expensive gifts.

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  • I am sorry but your boyfriend seems greedy. I would break up with a guy who asks me for expensive gifts. If you pay 75% of restaurant bills on your own initiative, it's fine; if you have to do that just because you earn more than him, then that's a problem. You are not obliged to spend your money on him, even if he earns less. Do not fall in the trap of 'it's OK'. It's not. You are not his mum. I guess if you continue like this he will ask you to cover his debt. .

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  • Obligated? Bitch please...
    You aren't 'obligated' to buy presents. Getting presents are an act of gratitude... NOT obligation.

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  • You don't have to buy material goods to prove it is because you earn more and can afford it. I feel now he is now gold digging you instead.

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  • I mean, if you have the money why not? If it's for a special occasion I don't see the big deal. Gifts worth a thousand dollars every week or month is crazy though.

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  • Um, no?

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  • tell him you're NOT his sugar mama and money doesn't grow on trees.

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  • What a little gold digger, dump him! You're not obligated to buy or do shit for him.

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  • I think you should dump him. He wants a sugar mummy not a girlfriend. Prick.

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    • 1mo

      Shout out to the guy who down voted my opinion 😂👋🏽

    • 1mo

      Have an upvote from me, lady ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

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