Should I stop thinking about guys who don't think about me?

I knew I was an attractive person in University. I got a lot of stares, and attention etc.

Sometimes when I'd talk about someone my mother would dismiss it as 'why is she talking about someone whose not thinking of her?" I realize now it's hurtful but it's true.

For example, my ethnicity was South Asian (Indian). A lot of the times I was attracted to white guys and felt the feeling was mutual. It was sweet :). But I realize now those guys unless they really liked me would not really think of me much, as most people think they will end up with someone of the same culture.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • In general, I agree with your mom. You should be spending your energy on guys who are worth your time. At your age, you have limitless options in terms of dating so why waste your time on guys who aren't interested in you? But then again, the heart wants what it wants so I can't say to not think about these guys -- I just tend to side with your mom on this one that it's just not particularly productive.

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    • 1mo

      I think it's not only about what I want, it's also about... what is the reality of a situation.

      A large part of the reason I became attracted to white guys is because I started feeling that the other Indian ones wouldn't really treat me well. There's a lot of focus on status in India and I'm not sure I have that... yet.

      I realize now that while it was a great feeling to be given sweet forms of attention, it doesn't really change the fact that there is a status difference between those boys also.

      I think if a lot of them wanted to be my friend, they would find a way to do so. We aren't friends for a reason. So while there is a comfort level with those outside my own race because I feel they would judge me less, it's not like those bonds are actually very real either.

    • 1mo

      I think you're probably overstating the status/culture/race thing. Indian girls no doubt have the best curves on the planet and there are plenty of white American guys who acknowledge that. I think it's more about finding the right guy, regardless of their race or culture.

    • 1mo

      I think when I mean status I am referring to a context of a situation. I know for example, in University, a lot of people who befriended each other (and sometimes dated), were those who had the same kind of career prospects for example.

      I always felt a bit of an oddball, so I guess I may have been a friendly face, but didn't really factor into their networking circuit.

      Maybe I don't really credit looks and personality as much as they do play a factor in things. It is true that the status part of things always guards me. It is true though that we end up with people because we like or love that person not their career or their status.

What Guys Said 3

  • yes because thinking about them while there out having fun not thinking about you is just a waste of thinking.

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    • 1mo

      Yeah, sad but true lol.

      Like my crush who I think realizes I have a crush on him but probably not that aware of the extent, was out having so much fun. I'm not a very social person so I was like thinking abotu him and getting happy as sad as that is lol.

      But I was like, you know. I am thinking a lot about someone who may not even know I exist (okay he knows I exist but we're not friendly). It's a familiar way for me to feel less lonely, but it's also a really sad way to try to feel a connection with someone, (keeping tabs on their life through social media I mean).

      I think I should put myself out there more and befriend people and while enjoy the attention don't confuse it for a friendship or a bond.

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    • 1mo

      Wow this is absolutely stunning!

      I have never been to blue ridge park ways, but it definitely seems like the perfect place to have a drive. The colours of the trees around especially is truly different from something I've seen in my tourist destinations

    • 1mo

      they really are and some times when land comes up for sell people grab for it just because its just so beautiful there. and the solitude is really awesome as well.

  • People date and end up with people of all sorts of cultures. Indian girls have dated white guys before...

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    • 1mo

      That's true.

      But then, I think that unless the guy truly likes the girl, I am assuming she won't really be someone he thinks a lot about on a daily basis.

      I know our friends circles are very different for a lot of these people so it's not like we meet each other a lot.

      For example, I have a bit of a crush on this guy who is very social and outgoing. I cannot get over how many friends, etc. he has. I think it was a bit unrealistic for me to think we could maybe pursue a friendship or more, because we just live in different worlds.

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    • 1mo

      I get a lot of non-verbal 'flirting' I guess as in blushing or stares, or excitement if I sit next to someone, but they don't talk to me lol. Which again makes me wonder, the same way I enjoy seeing a familiar face who I know is paying attention to me, they might just enjoy seeing me around school etc. without having a real desire to truly connect with me.

      The attention-whore thing... not sure what to feel about that. Girls do like attention but they usually like it from guys they think are attractive or genuinely care about even if a little. If they don't really like the guy at all for whichever reason, they probably wouldn't like any attention from him. So she may have been very attracted to these guys too.

    • 1mo

      In your case all you can do is strike up a conversation with one of them and feel them out. You won't know until you get to know them... As to the chick I'm talking about, no she just loved the attention and to play with those dudes.

  • I don't know... but don't let your mom's flipping comments hurt your feelings. Mom's are moms and they say the worse things.

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    • 1mo

      It's true. Sometimes I do wonder if the bad cop approach my mom takes doesn't really over-ride the fact that she's right about certain things.

      For example, even if she tried to sugar coat by saying these guys probably do like you as a person, it's just they have their own life and are probably focused on that etc. it may have been a better way to approach the situation, but it wouldn't change the fact that it likely is true.

      I messaged a guy about something he did which hurt me, and he genuinely seemed to not remember. He was still compassionate, but I realized I had thought a lot about him when he probably hadn't thought about me even a little

    • 1mo

      Yeah, I think I spend way too much time thinking about my crush than she spends thinking about me. But the tables of fortune could turn. You never know what the future has in store! Men like happy women, I think, so if you can stay happy you'll meet someone!

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