If you've adopted a child is it morally wrong to give him or her back?

If the child didn't gel with the family or didn't attach to the parents. Is it ever okay to give back an adopted child?


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What Guys Said 6

  • Yes apparently children are like pets from the pet store. So it's totally fine to just toss a fucking child away when they're not immediately part of the family.

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  • That to me is the most immoral thing I ever heard - That is why adoption process should be very long to make sure families bond.

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  • You have a 6 month period from the time they are placed into your home before the adoption is finalized. Once it is finalized, I think it is pretty messed up to give them back after that.
    If you want to adopt, keep looking at the available ones until you find one that you think is a really good match, not just the first one that is available.
    They already feel like nobody cares about them, don't make it worse.

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  • The only time I could sympathize with someone giving a child they adopted back is if they had a legitimate concern for their safety and/or the safety of another child in their care anything short of that is absolutely despicable and irresponsible.

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  • I remember reading that it has happened.
    Disgusting.

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  • Yeah, you can.

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What Girls Said 20

  • In most cases where adopted children have been given back, it has been due to severe psychological disorders where the child became a physical danger to the parents and/or other family members. I've read some pretty horrendous cases where the children have been really physically abusive especially to the younger children in the household. I've heard of sexual abuse cases where the child, usually an older child, was molesting and or raping family members. I've heard of children burning down houses and killing pets. You name it.

    If that were a biological child, obviously you would have no where to give them up to, as in an adoption agency, but for your safety or that of the rest of the family, a parent may send them to a mental facility or even jail if warranted. I don't think it's any different giving up the adopted child or a troubled biological child to an authority that can handle them. There literally comes a point where you are not equipt in either situation to handle the needs of that child. It's a tough choice, but if they are hurting and abusing others, you can no more allow the rest of your family to suffer than to allow that child to further cause their suffering. In those cases, I whole heartedly believe that it is okay.

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  • You need to realize that regardless to what you are taking the responsibility of being another persons parent. You can't just hand somebody else over unless they personally have no problem going back into the system. You know what goes on in such places? Rape, stealing, etc. Some of them may go through abuse. Its not about attachments. Its you being capable of doing your role and job as a parent. Attachments is never going to happen right away because they were not you biological children. We naturally attach to our own. Adoption is not the same. But when you learn to grow to love and connect with that child, the child will start to grow and learn to love you back.

    You don't force them. But you give them options. But don't give up on them. You picked them for a reason. Don't make them feel like their nothing but a commodity. That's like taking back a pet/pets. That almost happened to my now puppy brother and sisters. They're family. And they grew very much attached and love us as their own. If somebody was to even dare ask us about mating them or selling them. They would rip your head off. They are not going anywhere. And you need to fight for this child because he/she has nobody to do that for them.

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  • My parents adopted one child that they regretted. He was mentally disturbed to say the least. He exhibited all traits of a sociopath and was a borderline psychopath. After he did something particularly traumatizing, to me that was the last straw. My parents couldn't deal with that. So they sent him to a different family. One day when I was a sophomore in high school, he got in touch with my sister through Facebook. He had my whole family convinced that he had changed. My intuition told me not to trust him so I didn't. I never told my parents that though. We quickly realized he hasn't changed. He's still a sociopath and now a borderline psychopath. After he was pissed off at my parents, he left and never came back. My parents were convinced that he would get revenge by coming after me. I remember about to walk to my bus stop, and my dad told me that he if came to the school, and told the administration that he was supposed to pull me out of school for the day, under no circumstances was I to go with him. I still have nightmares that he returns.

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  • No it's not okay. As all the others have said... the child is not just some object. That's one of the consequences you have to deal with when adopting. You have to realize that this child may or may not mesh well with the family but think about where they have come from. Foster homes or worse... they are going to find it hard to trust people and maybe even lash out. But as the new parent... you need to love the child and teach him right from wrong and in time they will fit in with the family. You have to give it time. Try watching that show The Fosters.

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  • If there is no maternal bond then the right thing to do is give the child back
    It's bad enough the kid being given up for adoption in the first place but to live in a house where it feels a burden and unloved is heartbreaking

    All kids need love, if parents aren't feeling love for kid the kid isn't getting what it needs

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  • If the child would be happier going back and they want to do it, then it's not so bad... But really, if you have a child, you shouldn't be willing to just give them away.

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  • No, it's not morally wrong if you do it during the first 6 month time period they give you to decide. The truth is, as bad as it sounds, to adopt is 100% a choice and optional and, honestly, while you may view a child as your own, they are not your own. I wouldn't give a kid back because he didn't gel with the family immediately. I'd only give them back if they were a danger. My biological child comes before my adopted one in that sense, especially if him living there is an option.

    I know, sounds mean, but it is what it is. But if you're talking like years and years down the road you change your mind, that's wrong. If you adopt a kid at 2 years old and want to give them back when they're 13, even if you could do it, that's just mean and will screw them up even more.

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  • If the child is special needs, I think it would be best to foster first before adopting so the blow is less hard and so that it's easier to back away for your benefit and the child's.

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  • It's not a shirt that didn't suit you. It's a child and there should have been more thought before proceeding to an adoption. Also, many kids don't get well with their family, that doesn't mean they are dropped at an orphanage. Just think of what a psychological torture would be for this kid to get abandoned twice. Though I don't think it would be better to have so immature parents...

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  • It's very dependent on the situation. Generally speaking, it's going to scar the child and going to be a huge rejection for them that won't be forgotten. First their birth parents leave them in one form or another and then their second set of parents also leave them. The child is left with thoughts of rejection, not being loveable, pushing people away, not being worthy, etc.

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  • Ä‘yyyi

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    • 27d

      Sorry, my kid was pressing my screen -_-
      Can I give this one back to the stork?

      Anyway, yes some have done that before and rightfully become social periahs. A parent is a parent, adopted or not, and you don't get to just change your mind

  • If you're adopting directly from a family he/she would probably end up in a orphanage or in Foster care, I don't know about orphanages but Foster care is no party. The entire system is corrupt. If you're adopting from an orphanage or adopting out of Foster care then it's probably pretty easy to send back but if the child is old enough to realise what is going on you are breaking their heart and slowly destroying their hope.

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  • It's not just wrong it's horribly wrong. A child is not like a item from the store you bring back because you got the wrong size or it doesn't work the way you thought it was.

    - not just speaking on this topic blind eyed I'm adopted and I don't want to think about how I would have felt if my family would have brought me back because I wasn't a perfect fit because I honestly don't fit in but they love me anyways

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  • Myself being an adoptee and being adopted at a very young age (about 13-16 months I think) I would suggest to do whatever is right for the child and your family. It all really depends really, such as if you're in a financial crisis or likewise. Or if you feel like you don't have the nessecities to take care of them. You might just want to try to explain to them first really.
    Myself being an adoptee, I can tell you that some adoptees feel like they don't belong and may not want to 'ruin' your family. They also may feel a loss of identity, having trouble figuring out who they are and giving them away can cause even more holes and make them feel like something is wrong with them.
    Overall in my opinion you should try to bond with them and let them know that whether or not you are their biological realative you are there for them.

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  • Depending on how old the child is. If you feel like it's the right thing to do... then give the child back. But don't give the child back because it hasn't got the chance to get use to you. You chose to adopt this child. Its your responsibility to take care of this child now.

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  • They aren't pets! Sheesh

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  • You can't use that logic.

    Children are moldable

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  • Well that's messed up. Don't

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  • Imagine how it feels to not have a family or stability. Then when someone finally commits to you... they return you like a pair of clothes. If you don't love the child I don't know, maybe it's for the best, but this is a human being who probably has trouble attaching because s/he has never had someone who was actually willing to truly commit.

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  • No it's all good
    On my side of town you leave em near dumpsters

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