I need help... Mentally. Please?

Well, please read it. I got into a fight with my boyfriend tonight. And upon reflection while we were in separate rooms, I started thinking to myself why do I do this. Why do I keep picking a fight and telling him we're done... And I've realised I'm doing what I tell my 7 year old cousin off for doing... He just wants attention. And nobody ever gives him good attention so he acts out because bad attention is at least attention right?
I just want my boyfriend to come after me and stop me and show me he cares... And when he doesn't, we have an argument about it, and I guess either way I get that attention...

I mean, part of it is linked to perhaps him not showing me he cares sometimes. But obviously there's also a part of it which is me. And I want to fix this.. I feel like acknowledging this problem is a good thing.

Side note: the other 99% of the time I'm damn awesome. I don't do this often at all. He isn't Mr Perfect either, most of those times I "pick a fight" something has happened that's made me emotional in the first place that is to do with him or us... So it isn't completely out of nowhere.

I just... I guess I am realising I am a self saboteur. I want to be better, for us. We want so much together... And there's steps we can take for us to show that care for each other better sure. But I still need that help in myself.

I can't afford a shrink, so here I am asking strangers online, how have you dealt with personal problems like this.. or friends of yours.. what do you think I can do?

Please be nice.

Updates:
17d Anyone else?

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What Guys Said 1

  • I have seen people like you who seem to fight more often with the people they love the most. Their only problem is that they take things too lightly and always want to be in control of the situation. They think that they are more important then their partner/family member. They need to control their anger and anxiety including their fear. First thing , when they start fighting , they need to realize that raising their temper and being angry will not do them any good. They need to find ways to calm down , because calming down their nerves and thinking logically and emotionally both with head and heart is very important. Great many lives have been destroyed due to anger and hate. We can only survive by controlling our anger and hate. Meditation and proper medical drugs can help you. Start praying every day and ask God to give you guidance and help. Pray to your guardian angel too.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Ok, maybe you can tell me what you guys fought about? I think its the mentality of how you are dealing with a problem, and finding a solution is what will really help you right now.

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    • 20d

      I don't even know sometimes... Usually it's because his ex has messaged/I've found something of hers blah blah.. And because he's lied about her before, and she keeps disrespecting us I get annoyed at HER. So I'll tell him that, and he gets it and says yeah he'll send the message telling her to go away, yeah he'll do the thing.. And then he just.. doesn't. Like I'll be trying to talk about something bothering me (completely unrelated to ex etc), and he'll fall asleep because he's tired, or he'll just not really say anything back.. at which point I start getting angry asking how he can say he cares if he can't even make an effort to listen or talk.. and then he'll just say "oh whatever".. and yeah.. I start up...

      So that's one of the things tonight I've pointed out, that needs to be changed. That we both need to listen better, but no saying "oh whatever" etc, dismissing the others feelings... But I still feel I need to change my brain!

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    • 20d

      Maybe you have to consider that he really is tired...

      And maybe be selective in your topics. Because I sorta understand when I talk to some girls and they are always on the same topic and is not of interest to me, I sorta pretend it is.
      Find your girlfriends to talk about make up, relationship or life issues because it seems that your boyfriend could be just bored. I think most men are like that, no offence haha.

      Guys are very "practical people" they just do and they don't think.
      So I think your relationship is lacking intellectual connection. You might have to find another outlet for that, maybe you can talk to me haha!

    • 20d

      I hope it helps, and yes writing down the problems is a very good exercise!

  • I did similar things with my ex not necessarily picking fights but i did often say I'm done for me Doctors believe i may have Borderline Personality Disorder

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