Would you be annoyed if someone let down a group for their own selfish interests?

Enrolled in a class. Everyone was supposed to buy the same costumes.

Suddenly someone says it's too pricey. Now the whole idea is being scrapped because of that.

I think she has a right to say she finds it expensive, but the difference is barely 10-15 bucks. Would it be so awful for her to just go with it this one time?


Updates:
11d I am not the person who did this but I'm wondering if people including me have a right to be annoyed
11d what do u think

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What Guys Said 1

  • yeah, something is up, someone else could have covered the difference right?
    maybe that is what you need.

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    • 11d

      It wasn't me. I was a part of the group who this happened to.

      I just wondered if that person's behaviour was justified? I mean, is she right at all? Even if price was a concern shouldn't she have told the group in advance? Or, if it really was an issue, say that she would prefer to go with a different costume that might look similar to the real thing?

      I don't know I jsut felt like it was kind of selfish, but then I don't want to judge because maybe that money is a lot for her

What Girls Said 6

  • Since we don't know this woman we can't tell if she was doing it to be a jerk or had a legit money concern.

    BUT the reason she mightve shot back at you guys is because she was embarrassed about not being able to afford it. Especially if she's kinda stuck up or has a lot of pride. She might've waited until the last minute because she didn't actually think you guys would go with something that expensive, especially if you've done cheaper costumes in the past.

    We had a similar problem with the color guard team I was in. A solution is for the rest of the group to chip in to pay the $10-$15 difference if you REALLY want the costume. If not, go for the cheaper alternative.

    If she's lying about not being able to afford it and instead just doesn't like it, you'll find out soon after you guys offer to pay the difference. Or she'll suck it up because she doesn't want to be called out on her bullshit and let you guys do it. Win win.

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    • 11d

      Also $10-$15 bucks could be a few meals for her, or even gas money she needs to go places. I know it doesn't seem like a lot to you (or honestly me,) but if she's actually struggling and not lying it is a lot. She could've been saving with the assumption the costume will cost the same as last year

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    • 11d

      Now I see she was snippy in how she approached it, which was uncalled for. I understand your frustration but I would just get everyone to help pay for it.

      It's hard when you want to do something you love and can't afford it. Coming from a family of musicians it was always hard for my mom. to decide where to put the finances.

      If a hidden cost had appeared like this she would've gotten pissed as well

    • 11d

      You know the thing is, it's true traditionally this dance show has had cheaper costumes. So I can see why she would find the price difference to be problematic.

      That being said it was asked if everyone was okay spending the extra money and everyone said yes. That would've been a good time to speak up.

      Now that everyone was excited, suddenly out of nowhere (100 messages later) she says she's not willing to buy it. Moreover, she didn't herself say I'd help in looking for a costume, after she said what she did, other people were looking at cheaper options (for her) and she was saying thank you.

      Honestly, she has the option of not doing the show. If it was such a big deal she could just say she didn't want to do it but that would be HER loss so she won't.

      I don't know how I feel about it. I think she has a right to put her foot down, but I think she didn't handle it well and I sense selfishness too

  • Well if she doesn't have the money, or doesn't want to spend money on a costume, that's her right. What's stopping everyone else from getting the costume, is what I'm wondering?
    I think this is sort of a petty example and reading the title, I expected something more. For instance, at my school, in my class, people are skipping class left and right. It's affecting the rest of the class right now because we're working on a big group project together. And it means that whenever someone decides to not show up, someone else has to do their work. So we, the people who actually take our education seriously, end up having to do twice, or even thrice, as much work. THAT is selfish of the people who skip class, in my opinion.
    Not wanting to spend money on a costume isn't even close to being selfish. You guys could do it without her if she doesn't want to.

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    • 11d

      No we can't because costumes are obviously for a type of production (it is a dance show) so everyone needs to get the same costume. Even if everyone said okay we'll tolerate someone else wearing something different and we'll all buy other expensive costumes, I think most people aren't saying anything out of niceness because it would be rude to tell her to go buy something cheap if she can't afford it.

      Technically I do agree she is to ane xtent right, because students make up the costumes and if someone finds it expensive they have a right to voice it out. But really did she handle it well? Essentially everyone's enthusiasm for the show will go now

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    • 11d

      They could, but I think the reason no one is suggesting that is because it's like saying take charity, and this lady has already sort of attacked one of them.

      I agree with her in essence that you shouldn't have to feel forced to pay for something you don't want to pay for. That being said, she has been dancing for a long time so this is just one other show for HER but it's a pretty big deal to most people.

      So I can't help but feel a part of it is her being selfish.

      I don't know if you were in her place, and you genuinely couldn't afford the costume, how would you react to the whole thing?

    • 10d

      If I genuinely couldn't afford it, I'd say that I don't want to buy it.

  • You don't know what situation that person could have been in. There are people who really can't afford to lose those $10-15. If it was that crucial a compromise could have been made like going with a cheaper version of the costume or the group covering the price difference.

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    • 11d

      This is a full grown adult woman not a teenager or a young girl. Plus, when someone was sort of snickering she shot back, money is important just ask those starving children or something like that.

      I thought that was rude. I mean honestly I agree that she has a right to say it's expensive because traditionally costuming has been cheaper in the past so maybe this one being a tad bit pricier bothers her.

      That being said, everyone else seemed fine with it and I'm wondering if it's selfish for her to suddenly say it's too expensive.

      I think she just didn't like the costume that was being proposed and so she said it was too pricey etc.

      There are a lot of young people in the class. They were all pretty excited to get fancy costumes and now they're going to be stuck with not very good ones. I really wonder if she exaggerated this whole thing for her own selfish reasons

  • I'd be annoyed

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  • Maybe she's broke. Jeez. What happened to compassion these days. For some, that $10-$15 means they'll go without something else this week, or have to skip something in the grocery shop.
    She should buy a cheaper version or something if she can't afford that. Or get scrap material and make it.

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    • 11d

      See that's the thing. I felt compassion for her because of that very reason. But the more I thought about it the more I wondered if she was selfish. The dance class itself exceeds $100. So if she can afford to pay for the class which in itself is a luxury she can probably pay for a costume.

      Secondly, a lot of people spent quite a bit of time looking at costumes etc. but nothing was being finalized. I almost wonder if she didn't think the costume was good enough for a lot of money spent and so decided to just say altogether that she's not buying an expensive costume.

      Third of all, for a lot of people this is their first ever dance show. They have a right ot enjoy it with expensive costumes.

      Think about it this way, if you were in her place, would you put an indirect hold on everyone knowing they want to buy a good costume for a show they're excited about just because you couldn't afford it? You'd likely ask if there was an alternative costume you could wear.

    • 11d

      Her daughter I think is performing in the show which again makes me wonder if the reason she's being selfish is she doesn't want her daughter embarrassed (as in everyone wears really fancy stuff and then her daughter sticks out like a sore thumb).

    • 11d

      Personally, if it were me, I'd just say I can't afford it and see what solutions everybody could come up with together as a class.
      I can understand her wanting to not make her daughter out of place, but for herself it's different.

  • Yeah I'd be annoyed

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