Who is more important? Spouse or your own family?

Not gonna mince words...I am hearing (imo) an astounding number of situations where couples break off an engagement or bust their marriage because of her or his family...idk..maybe I am whacked..I believe my wife is inherently the most important person in all of the world...sure I am aware of the divorce rate...but who could possibly be more important than your mate?


Most Helpful Guy

  • From my point of view: until I am willing to put my girlfriend in front of my mother, I am not ready to marry this lady. You will spend the rest of your wife and share responsibility in everything you do for the rest of your life. She can't be in second place.

    • Could not agree more..and you said it in one hell of a lot less words than I did..Kudos

    • And I have some typo too. Let me say that again.

      From my point of view: until I am willing to put my girlfriend in front of my mother, I am not ready to marry this lady. You will share responsibility in everything you do for the rest of your life with your wife. She can't be in second place.

    • Yes...but I am surprised in both directions...true I did not get many male responses...yet I did not expect you all to agree with me...and the females seem to be talking about clinging to home...eh..I am confused...because my experience is the opposite...however...age might nhave something to do with this?

What Girls Said 15

  • While I believe it is important for me at my age (19) for my parents to approve of whomever I'm in a relationship with, in the long run, I don't need their approval. So in the long run, my spouse would win.

    • At the end of the day...just remember that I never said you were either stupid, uncompromising or disagreeable...(:(:(:

  • Technically no one. Kids grow up and leave, parents die and siblings have their lives (we hope ).

    But like you said with the divorce rate people tend to cling on the blood relatives.

    It's the cliche " blood is thicker than water" I guess.

    Having said that some people just plain need to cut the umbilical cord. :D

    • <3 This Cave Man,says "Ugh Yes" !

  • Well I'm not married, but I can imagine that would be a very difficult decision for me because I'm extremely close to my family. But, unless there was something VERY worrying about my choice in a partner, I would expect my family to support me rather than trying to come between us. I'd be frustrated with them if they caused problems over my relationship. and I wouldn't side with them- but I don't know if I could say my spouse was more important to me.

    • it's ok..did not mean to "torment" you..thanks for answering as always..your opinion is always so important to me...(:(:(:

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    • As one of the people on this site who have my utmost respect, if you ever say that you would commit to a man and then still hold your family to be as important as your mate? Eh?

    • I would do that, yes, if that's what you're asking :)

  • My family and I have a very close relationship, and I trust that they would never dislike a boy without good reason. However, I'd hope that they'd point out any red flags BEFORE we get married, haha. They know how I feel about divorce.

    Long story short, my future husband will be the most important person in the world to me. But, I will listen to my family if they have any concerns. I won't necessarily leave him (it'd take a lot for me to leave him), but I will listen to what they have to say.

    • Thank You for responding! (:(:(:

  • Neither.


    • only if you like girls.

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    • so guys aren't that complex in your opinion?

    • they can be..

      but they don't have to be...

      I don't date forever.. sometimes.. it's day to day..

  • I'm not really normal, I find my friends and partner more important than my family, maybe if the family member I loved the most was still alive I'd find them important with my friends/partner but without that family member its not a hard choice at all for me. Most of my family already is against me with the guy I love... So obviously I won't be listening to them. They support my 23 year old sister with a 17 year old from Scotland but not me with a American guy of my age cause he's black so their opinion doesn't matter to me.

    • I hope you 2 will be happy together

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    • friends with partner well obviously a girl will be friends with her boyfriend.

    • Well of course so I don't think my friends are more or less important.

  • family is so important(parents,sisters,brothers).. but when we have our own family, my family more important (husband,kids). you know it is kinda complicated.. but am sure you hv more experience than me!:D

  • I don't really know how to answer this but I I don't think I would like my parents to involve too much in my relationship or marriage.Most of the time I will go with my family but I won't like them to interfere in my personal problem unless if I really need help or support from them.Both of them are very important to me but I would have to go with my family.

  • i appreciate all that my family have done to raise me. but, once you become an adult and make your own family, you are responsible for your own family, they should always come first. but we do have the duty to care for your parents as much as possible.

    in terms of dating, I have met people who would give up a healthy relationship due to family opposition. if an individual chose to make peace in the family, how will he every make peace and/or make his/ her own family. because you can't please everyone...you have to know what's more important to you once you are an adult and allowing your family to dictate your love life then it will be very hard for you to be independent.

    • <3

    • Yes ..you are qualified to answer..are you not? I sure hope things trend better for you..my love

  • i would definitely say your spouse. I don't know if this will make sense, but if your family is crazy and doesn't have a legit reason/excuse for not being OK with your spouse then you shouldn't listen to them. if however your spouse has been charged with sexual assault/harassment, rape, attempted murder, had anger problems, etc. I can be a little bit more understanding if they have objections. I do believe that people can change, but that would be a really tricky situation.

    • Heh Heh..well spouses can be crazy too...but I always think twice before I subject anyone to my family...and, if you have children...well children have two parents...physically..if not mentally...(:(:

  • If married, spouse. If not married and you don't see a long term future with your partner(gf/bf), family

    Honestly, sometimes families can be terrible and whether you want to choose, they may very well be on the prowl to break up a relationship or marriage. Some families suck

  • Your wife.

  • well when you marry the person you also marry their "village" aka their family. Like it or not family will get involved and there will be functions where you have to mingle (whether it is you with their family or them with yours). When I broke my engagement off, one of the issues was that my fiance of that time was very reluctant to mingle with my family and put no effort. I didn't quite fit in with his family either, but at least I showed up to all their events and managed myself enough to get along with his family, which was not a courtesy he returned. For 6 years of our relationship, he showed up only once to my family's event and only because he couldn't find an excuse to bail last minute. After a while my family lost respect for him. Granted this wasn't the only reason we broke up, but it was defiantly a big one. I need a person with whom I can build my own family without cutting loose our families.

    • I don't know you well enough to judge your situation..or even close.. You have a Private Profile (which I do as well) have never discussed anything with you...do not see your answers on here very often...and you dissed my main sexual fetish...I am willing to get to know you...but will never happen at the rate we are currently ...? not doing?

    • lol when have I dissed your sexual fetish?

    • Said that pee was not possible...eh...we could still be friends..do not expect to have sex with even a portion of my friends...lol..but My Woman will pee for me...(:(:(:

  • I think the only people who should be more important than your spouse is your kids. Brothers and sisters and parents... no. Sure they're important, but you all have your own lives once you get older. They'll have their own kids and families they start which will be their main focus.

    This is something I've tried to explain to my mom a number of times. She's important in my life, but I'm 26. I have my own life now. I don't need to visit every weekend. Once a month is enough. I've got work, friends, and a boyfriend.

    From what I remember as a kid, she only visited her mother twice a year. We rarely saw my grandmother, so I think I contact her more. We text almost everyday and I visit once a month. It's probably more then most people can say, and she talks about I'm selfish for putting work and my boyfriend before her.

  • I don't have a spouse so currently family my family. If I can't see a man as being more important than my family then he isn't the one for me. I wouldn't marry him in the first place if we both didn't feel that way about each other.

    • sounds reasonable...(:(:(:

What Guys Said 14

  • Should be spouse, but that doesn't mean you always side with them.

    It would be nice if you could.

    But sometimes your spouse is wrong or unreasonable, which is awkward.

  • My spouse, no doubt possible

  • I can't make a blanket decision without knowing the details of the situation, who is right or wrong and such. But as a general rule I don't do ultimatums and the party who backed me into a corner and forced me to decide between one or the other is definitely the one I would have an easier time saying bye to unless they had a really strong case.

    • If you are not willing to commit to your wife, is it wise to marry her?

    • It's not a matter of committing. It's a matter of basic morality that comes before _all_ else to me. I stand by the person who, in the given situation, seems like they are in the right, examining the situation logically. If that's my wife, great. If not, oh well.

  • If my family doesn't like the person I choose to be with, I'll do what I can to keep the peace, but ultimately they can get over it or they can f*** off.

    • Oui, c'est vrai! (:(:(:

  • Speaking from experience, if your wife loves and cares for you 10 out of the 10 times a problem arises with you and your family, her choice is mostly the right choice even if you don't totally agree with it at that time. When you look back, your glad you took her side of the equation.

    This isn't a one way street though, she has confronted her family more then a couple of times to protect me from their judgments.

    Our families know we are very protective of one another and my father in-law totally agrees with me and told me he trusts any decision I make that involves his daughter, which is a big deal for me.

    When I was first introduced as the boyfriend he told me he has a shotgun and a shovel, I'm glad he finally warmed up to me :D

  • In a marriage it is the spouse in all countries.

    Meanings and truth have been washed away and watered down in the USA. Few know the difference between a woman and lady.

    In biblical marriages it is said, "forsaking all other" a man will leave his family and a women will leave her family to become one with God.

    The man is the head of the house and the wife is to be obedient to the husband.

    A troubled marriage in the making is the Prince and his new bride. His bride changed the terms of the marriage contract and removed the word obey. This is crucial given the Queen is the head of the church.

  • a great girlfriend is the only dream worth living for. Its better than a dream job, better than anything money can buy, better than anything else imaginable. A woman who is worth all the wait, all the trouble and all the effort a man can give is hard to find, harder get and hardest to keep. These are called Angels and never succeeded in my 27 years of existence getting more than one date. Angels are out there but getting one by my side is a bigger miracle than the return of Jesus. Haven't quit yet, but failed more times than I can count.

    my realest friends are guys and we go almost to the ends of the earth to keep each other. They all know that even the most hardcore loyalty and brotherhood will never come a priority after the girl. Its hard to tell my friends that are closer to me than my family is that they all are the second choice if I will have to make that decision, but still they all understand it.

  • Definitely your spouse. Not even a contest IMO.

    • This is interesting...the males are 3 for 3 and the females are divided...and this is not what I expected!

  • Spouse

  • Spouse

    • I agree...but these answers have me scratching my head...o.O

    • Well I agree with WeaponZero above me, it really depends on the situation. But really, it just feels like I need to protect her or that it would be extremely painful to see her in danger. I'm not sure why I think that about the SO part over the family in this question.

  • In the ideal world that hasn't been ruined by no fault divorce and radical feminism, the most important people in a man's life are his wife and his kids.

    Those are the people he hauls his ass out of bed for every morning and goes to work for.

    • I agree with you on a lot of stuff...but we do not have No Fault divorce here..and it causes more problems than it heals...

  • If they were to make me choose, I would choose neither.

    Who wants to be around selfish people? They SUCK

  • lol, this is why I love being Indian. this question simply does not apply to me.