Who is more important? Spouse or your own family?

Not gonna mince words...I am hearing (imo) an astounding number of situations where couples break off an engagement or bust their marriage because of her or his family...idk..maybe I am whacked..I believe my wife is inherently the most important person in all of the world...sure I am aware of the divorce rate...but who could possibly be more important than your mate?


Most Helpful Guy

  • From my point of view: until I am willing to put my girlfriend in front of my mother, I am not ready to marry this lady. You will spend the rest of your wife and share responsibility in everything you do for the rest of your life. She can't be in second place.

    • Could not agree more..and you said it in one hell of a lot less words than I did..Kudos

    • And I have some typo too. Let me say that again.

      From my point of view: until I am willing to put my girlfriend in front of my mother, I am not ready to marry this lady. You will share responsibility in everything you do for the rest of your life with your wife. She can't be in second place.

    • Yes...but I am surprised in both directions...true I did not get many male responses...yet I did not expect you all to agree with me...and the females seem to be talking about clinging to home...eh..I am confused...because my experience is the opposite...however...age might nhave something to do with this?

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Would you date someone younger/older/married?

What Girls Said 15

  • While I believe it is important for me at my age (19) for my parents to approve of whomever I'm in a relationship with, in the long run, I don't need their approval. So in the long run, my spouse would win.

    • At the end of the day...just remember that I never said you were either stupid, uncompromising or disagreeable...(:(:(:

  • Technically no one. Kids grow up and leave, parents die and siblings have their lives (we hope ).

    But like you said with the divorce rate people tend to cling on the blood relatives.

    It's the cliche " blood is thicker than water" I guess.

    Having said that some people just plain need to cut the umbilical cord. :D

    • <3 This Cave Man,says "Ugh Yes" !

  • Well I'm not married, but I can imagine that would be a very difficult decision for me because I'm extremely close to my family. But, unless there was something VERY worrying about my choice in a partner, I would expect my family to support me rather than trying to come between us. I'd be frustrated with them if they caused problems over my relationship. and I wouldn't side with them- but I don't know if I could say my spouse was more important to me.

    • it's ok..did not mean to "torment" you..thanks for answering as always..your opinion is always so important to me...(:(:(:

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    • As one of the people on this site who have my utmost respect, if you ever say that you would commit to a man and then still hold your family to be as important as your mate? Eh?

    • I would do that, yes, if that's what you're asking :)

  • My family and I have a very close relationship, and I trust that they would never dislike a boy without good reason. However, I'd hope that they'd point out any red flags BEFORE we get married, haha. They know how I feel about divorce.

    Long story short, my future husband will be the most important person in the world to me. But, I will listen to my family if they have any concerns. I won't necessarily leave him (it'd take a lot for me to leave him), but I will listen to what they have to say.

    • Thank You for responding! (:(:(:

  • Neither.


    • only if you like girls.

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    • so guys aren't that complex in your opinion?

    • they can be..

      but they don't have to be...

      I don't date forever.. sometimes.. it's day to day..

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What Guys Said 14

  • Should be spouse, but that doesn't mean you always side with them.

    It would be nice if you could.

    But sometimes your spouse is wrong or unreasonable, which is awkward.

  • My spouse, no doubt possible

  • I can't make a blanket decision without knowing the details of the situation, who is right or wrong and such. But as a general rule I don't do ultimatums and the party who backed me into a corner and forced me to decide between one or the other is definitely the one I would have an easier time saying bye to unless they had a really strong case.

    • If you are not willing to commit to your wife, is it wise to marry her?

    • It's not a matter of committing. It's a matter of basic morality that comes before _all_ else to me. I stand by the person who, in the given situation, seems like they are in the right, examining the situation logically. If that's my wife, great. If not, oh well.

  • If my family doesn't like the person I choose to be with, I'll do what I can to keep the peace, but ultimately they can get over it or they can f*** off.

    • Oui, c'est vrai! (:(:(:

  • Speaking from experience, if your wife loves and cares for you 10 out of the 10 times a problem arises with you and your family, her choice is mostly the right choice even if you don't totally agree with it at that time. When you look back, your glad you took her side of the equation.

    This isn't a one way street though, she has confronted her family more then a couple of times to protect me from their judgments.

    Our families know we are very protective of one another and my father in-law totally agrees with me and told me he trusts any decision I make that involves his daughter, which is a big deal for me.

    When I was first introduced as the boyfriend he told me he has a shotgun and a shovel, I'm glad he finally warmed up to me :D

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