Men pursuing vs. Women pursuing?

This is something I've been thinking about lately. I'm a guy and I've mostly been the one pursued by girls. I've had to brush off, blow off, or flat out reject a lot of those women. But right now in my current predicament I'm the one "pursuing" a girl and it's only the third time I've ever had to play the role so admittedly I kinda suck at it! Though, the ones I've pursued are ones I am really interested in.

Anyway, I've been reading around and so far it seems 50/50. I was wondering what you all think? Is one way better than the other? Why? Should it be like a game of tag where you take turns? Or does it just depend on the two people in question? Love to hear your thoughts!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I prefer the male pursuing me. Also, when I know I am being pursued I become more playful and I feel more fun. It also gives me a slight confidence boost and I can play cocky or be coy I don't know something about being pursued is more fun.

    I've always wanted to try pursuing, but even though no one would guess it, I'm shy when it comes to that stuff.

    • OP: Well, it's good to know that it can make a woman feel good and confident to be pursued :) There are times when I wasn't sure about taking action and I've just had to ask myself "Would this make her day? Or would this creep her out?" ... and hope for the best~

    • It almost always will make her day. Even if she doesn't feel the same way; it is flattering to be noticed. Unless of course you were an 80 year old man hitting on a 20 year old girl or something...then it is just a bit creepy...


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What Girls Said 18

  • You said it yourself. Better when he guy pursues because that's the girl he's really interested in

    • OP: ;) It's funny because when you read all this dating advice from gurus or pick-up-artist stuff... They seem to really put down a guy who pursues a girl instead of making her come to him. I mean, I realize attraction/seduction is one element of winning someone's love/lust. But I also feel it is too passive to rely on a woman to go after you.

  • Don't beat yourself up man. Guys tend to have a natural knack for pursuing (even when they're young or don't have a lot of relationship experience). So long as you don't do anything extreme or that makes her feel uncomfortable, you're golden. Don't be afraid to ask if she's uncomfortable, either. Shows you care & that you're making an honest effort (both of which are features she'll really like if she's genuinely interested in you).

    I think it all comes down to personality types. The more aggressive person usually makes the better pursuer. It's not always the man, but I'd say it is most of the time. The ratio of males to females when it comes to who's more aggressive would probably be somewhere in the ballpark of 80:20 (based on the people I've met).

    The dynamic is what's important. If both parties are waiting around for the other person to instigate/plan/call, then both are left wondering if the other person is interested. This is why it's good to figure this part out early on in the relationship.

    • OP: Thanks for the reassurance~ Yeah I've had to be extra careful. There are times when I'll shoot out a message without thinking it over then look back and think "Crap that sounded wrong..." But hey, I don't like over thinking things either. I would say I am pretty aggressive as long as it's a girl that I decided I wanted from the beginning. It is tougher though when you are unsure of the other person's feelings.

  • I think it depends on the individual regardless of gender some people are more prone to waiting for someone to pursue them and others are more bold and like going after their crush.personally I would rather be the one pursuing the person I am interested in.

    • OP here. I like how you are open-minded about it being and individual thing rather than something decided by gender alone. I also feel better about being the one pursuing even though as I mentioned I have a lot to learn about being in that role. As one of the few women who would rather be pursuing, I have to say your confidence is commendable :)

    • thankyou! and I wish you the best of luck

  • I like men pursuing, because men are naturally the kind that run away, or a lot do, after too much time with one girl. They need a lot of down time, so pursuing them is maybe just stressful for them if a girl is constantly texting them or what not. Some guys are flattered, but a lot of them just get sick of the constant barrage of messages. I mean maybe you gotta practise if you haven't been pursuing alot. I don't think pursuing should be much different from non-pursuing, because you have to play it cool at some stage too, and not constantly bombard a person. So in actuality I think its similar, but that when you do make contact you just have to make it count. When you do make dates they should be memorable and fun.

    • OP: Thanks for the advice :) That's one thing I've had to work on a lot. Timing and "playing it cool."

  • I hate pursuing. It makes me feel undesirable because it's been pounded into my head since I was young that it's the guy's job to pursue, so if he doesn't pursue me I can't help but think I am unappealing.

    I honestly love being pursued, even by guys I don't want to date. It's a compliment to spark someone's interest. But I'd like if if they stopped asking me out after trying twice. Though twice is preferable because sometimes I actually can't go out with him on a specific day.

    • OP: Hm, that's a good standard~ Sometimes I have trouble deciding whether or not to keep pursuing if I don't get "no," "not interested," "leave me alone," "I have a boyfriend," or "let's just be friends." So if I get mixed messages or a "I'm busy" sorta deal, I'll just back off for awhile and focus on other "options." Then if I'm still interested after a few days or a week or two I'll send a message or something just to stay in the loop and try to set something up if she reacts positively.

    • Usually when someone says that they're busy they legitimately mean it. One time I was talking to a guy who was so stupid, he asked me to hang out on Christmas Eve (it was in the morning, but I still couldn't go) and he thought that by saying no I was obviously not interested. That idiocy alone made me not want to go out with him.

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