This is something I've been thinking about lately. I'm a guy and I've mostly been the one pursued by girls. I've had to brush off, blow off, or flat out reject a lot of those women. But right now in my current predicament I'm the one "pursuing" a girl and it's only the third time I've ever had to play the role so admittedly I kinda suck at it! Though, the ones I've pursued are ones I am really interested in.
Anyway, I've been reading around and so far it seems 50/50. I was wondering what you all think? Is one way better than the other? Why? Should it be like a game of tag where you take turns? Or does it just depend on the two people in question? Love to hear your thoughts!
I prefer the male pursuing me. Also, when I know I am being pursued I become more playful and I feel more fun. It also gives me a slight confidence boost and I can play cocky or be coy I don't know something about being pursued is more fun.
I've always wanted to try pursuing, but even though no one would guess it, I'm shy when it comes to that stuff.
Don't beat yourself up man. Guys tend to have a natural knack for pursuing (even when they're young or don't have a lot of relationship experience). So long as you don't do anything extreme or that makes her feel uncomfortable, you're golden. Don't be afraid to ask if she's uncomfortable, either. Shows you care & that you're making an honest effort (both of which are features she'll really like if she's genuinely interested in you).
I think it all comes down to personality types. The more aggressive person usually makes the better pursuer. It's not always the man, but I'd say it is most of the time. The ratio of males to females when it comes to who's more aggressive would probably be somewhere in the ballpark of 80:20 (based on the people I've met).
The dynamic is what's important. If both parties are waiting around for the other person to instigate/plan/call, then both are left wondering if the other person is interested. This is why it's good to figure this part out early on in the relationship.
I like men pursuing, because men are naturally the kind that run away, or a lot do, after too much time with one girl. They need a lot of down time, so pursuing them is maybe just stressful for them if a girl is constantly texting them or what not. Some guys are flattered, but a lot of them just get sick of the constant barrage of messages. I mean maybe you gotta practise if you haven't been pursuing alot. I don't think pursuing should be much different from non-pursuing, because you have to play it cool at some stage too, and not constantly bombard a person. So in actuality I think its similar, but that when you do make contact you just have to make it count. When you do make dates they should be memorable and fun.
I hate pursuing. It makes me feel undesirable because it's been pounded into my head since I was young that it's the guy's job to pursue, so if he doesn't pursue me I can't help but think I am unappealing.
I honestly love being pursued, even by guys I don't want to date. It's a compliment to spark someone's interest. But I'd like if if they stopped asking me out after trying twice. Though twice is preferable because sometimes I actually can't go out with him on a specific day.
I probably sound ignorant or immature, but I feel plain ugly if I pursue a guy. If the relationship actually works out, the thought, "He's only going out with me because I threw myself at him," will pop up in my head every now and then. I won't feel as desirable. I blame it on the fact that I was raised in a world where boys asked out the girls and that was that. I also have heard guys say that only the "slutty" or "ugly" ones throw themselves at the guy. Girls asked out my boyfriend all the time, and he even went out with one. He said, "She was there," and that's the reason they went out (and in my opinion she looks like a toad, but whatever). Even though I do believe in equality of the sexes, I probably will never pursue because it won't sit well with me... Especially if he rejects.
I've only chased after one guy and I won't do that sh*t again. I'll let guys chase me because the guy I chased is either too f*ckign shy or can instantly say "I'm not interested" but how not even done it. Or he can say eh has a gf... but he knows if he denies me he look super bad because he is basically rejecting a Eva Mendes.
I think it depends on the individual regardless of gender some people are more prone to waiting for someone to pursue them and others are more bold and like going after their crush.personally I would rather be the one pursuing the person I am interested in.
I think you should just go for it, if you see something or someone you want, don't hesitate. Ask her if she'd be interested in going out ( if you know what she likes, do that) it does depend on the two people I think because if both are equally interested, then I think they should both pursue the other, whoever ever initiates the first date the other should initiate the next.
Usually, average guys seem to be more interested when they are the ones pursuing. I think it's their competitive nature. Shy or socially awkward guys prefer the girl do the pursuing, usually. Also, some guys are really turned on by female aggressiveness, but I don't think it's either rare or the majority, though.
Traditionally, girls who are too forward and flirtatious in public and considered cheap. As a result, girls are taught NOT to approach guys. It's the 21st century, however, and girls do what they like -- which makes guys more lazy about approaching. This is commonly seen as one of the reasons for the elevated divorce rates, failed dating endeavors, etc. Guys/Girls' roles have been flipped inside out for so long that neither really knows what signs are "the signs" and which lines are "the lines" at this point. Just look at this site -- we wouldn't have so many questions about body language and reciprocation if signs were as clear cut as they used to be -- you know, back in the time of the cave man. Sigh.
Anyway... I would say that the most successful relationships I have had involve the guy making several of the approaches. He has to feel that the relationship is HIS idea and HIS choice, otherwise he feels trapped. This involves waiting for the guy to make the move, even if the girl lays out the breadcrumbs all the way there. Strange, but true.