Do you think narcissistic people are really just insecure?

I've heard that people who over-inflate themselves could be insecure. What are your thoughts?

And I mean people who are more extreme, everyone can be a little narcissistic at times. lol
And, as in extreme, I mean people who could have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.


Most Helpful Girl

  • i do think so but I've known a few in my life, unfortunately people quite close to me and they are f***ing monsters. now when I see that type of behavior I will run.

    i don't care if you are insecure. the fact that you take it out on other people shows what a selfish sh*t you really are. I know that's the whole point of the narcissism but man it is crappy to deal with!

    i dated a narcissistc bastard jerk and you could tell he was insecure but he was so incredibly self centered to the point that he was just mean! and quite frankly a horrible person! of course they put on a nice act at first. but after a while you get to see what's underneath.

    he was incredibly insecure but he expected grandiose treatment. he would lie about himself and things about himself to make himself seem like a better person when the truth wasn't even bad, which made it all that much more pathetic (mainly lying about where he came from, a certain league of education, etc, to make himself sound more upscale. it was pathetic)

    he only was nice to me if it would benefit him. he barely ever gave me real compliments but expected them. he would get so damn insecure and upset over the stupidest things like one time he made me upset then he didn't even care and got annoyed why I didn't give him a kiss the second we were alone. it's like I didn't have feelings, only he did.

    with these people, you can't tell if they just aren't able to understand that other people have feelings (in that case it makes me hate them less because if they truly are mentally abnormal and incapable of understanding it's a disorder, an illness, and what can you do besides stay away?)

    but they act so damn shallow and they are often very intelligent people, so you start to think they do understand and they just don't give a f*** about how other people feel. Their actions seem to illustrate "i do understand that you have feelings I just don't care". It is a sickness but I don't think it's a chemical brain problem, they can't just pop a pill and make it better. They are just quite frankly pretty disgusting, ruthless, and lacking a normal sense of conscience and moral responsibility. And they do not change. Even if they do know they hurt other people, they just truly don't care. That is pretty sick I guess but I don't know what to think since it can't really be cured.

    Narcissists are some of the most destructive and cruel people I have met. Sometimes they can just be calm and placid and just selfish. But most true narcissists put on an act and hurt those who are close to them, while usually not in a physical way, emotional harm and abuse leaves an ugly mark on your self esteem too.

    There are real narcissists. Everyone is a little self absorbed at times but there is a difference between self absorbed and so self absorbed that you think everyone else is a piece of sh*t that you can just stamp on for your own pleasure and gain. It's like a gross deviation from human normalcy. And that is my rant!

    • Thanks for sharing your experience in such detail.

      I'm trying to determine if my friend is narcissistic or...?

      She sure sounds a good bit like you describe at times...

    • Very well could be

What Guys Said 8

  • Not really. Some people just really admire themselves more than anything else.

  • You know...i think you're onto something. I think most narcissists, are narcissists, because they manually inflate their self-worth and self-esteem to compensate for some sort of baggage they have.

    That baggage imo CAN be self-esteem, but can be something that consequently relates to that person's self-esteem.

  • Sometimes this is why, however, I know some people just honestly think they are above average human beings, and in many ways they are. Normal people just don't rub it in, they act humble about their accomplishments.

  • Sometimes. Usually I equate narcissism with arrogance and a high sense of self. I don't think that everyone is narcissistic. I believe in being humble and unassuming, which is a trait of many Chinese people. So although we have narcissism, it is FAR less than the narcissism of other cultures.



    nah just kidding.

    I thing probably yes. The amount of bravado and intensity I carry around definitely stems from being insecure. I really think I've gone the other way though now. I can't really get nervous even if I try. Being self conscious just seems so foreign to me now. idk.

    So yes, but it's not necessarily that they are insecure NOW. but maybe that they are just overcompensating for their past.

    look at Muhammad Ali

  • No sometimes they are just delusional or too much in love with themselves.

  • I don't think Tony Stark is insecure...

  • Nope I know I'm f***ing awesome.

    Holy sh*t I rule.

    God damn broken mirrors fix themselves when I walk by.

    Wow I'm hilarious!

    • LOL I bet those mirrors faint when they see you.

What Girls Said 10

  • Narsissts get that way due to some childhood tramas. Yes they over inflate their self worth to compensate a very low self esteem.

  • They can be. Or they can think highly of themselves. Or vacillate between the two. Either way, narcissists are toxic.

    • If you're interested, I can recommend some books that discuss the disorder and how it can destroy relationships.

    • sure, thank you

    • link


      These are a few good ones. The bottom line is that controlling/verbally abusive people are often narcissists. Patricia Evans, Susan Forward, and George K. Simon have good books on that too.

  • No. Generally, people who think they're the most awesome thing on the face of the earth have an extreme amount of confidence.

  • Usually narcissists (true narcissists.. not just people who are a little self centered) are often times like that because they had sh*tty childhoods and are trying to find a way to rebuild their self esteem. So yes, I'd say that they're insecure.

  • Are you talking narcissistic to the point that a shrink would diagnose it as a disorder or are you just talking about people who don't loathe themselves? your question is too broad.

    • Sorry, I guess I should have been more specific. I meant VERY narcissistic, to the point that they could be diagnosed with the disorder.

  • no, some people just love themselves. It might be true in some cases though

  • no. I have spells of narcissism lol

  • I have studied narcissism for the past year, the actual clinical diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder anyway and yes these people are most definitely insecure, much more so than your average insecure person.

    As for someone who is not a clinical narcissist, I think it still holds true. I will use my friend as an example. She is desperate to be the center of attention, she dominates the conversation all the time and she talks about herself non-stop and in such a good light, puts others down when they are not around and flirts shamelessly with every guy, not the there is anything wrong with flirting but her flirting seems like she is trying to validate herself worth. I overheard her last weekend when she was drunk and couldn't believe what I heard. She went on and on about herself to a mutual friend of ours about how his wife should be insecure of his friendship with her and not me. That she was a threat to their marriage because she is so great and every man wants her. (Back story, he and I are close friends but just friends and I have tried so many times to be friends with his wife, she is important to him and his friendship is important to me so she is important to me but for some reason she finds me threatening.)

    • That's really interesting. Yeah, I've done a bit of research myself, but wanted to know what people thought.

    • Show All
    • It's very possible

    • twice-shy you don't want to be codependent. I was for years with my NPD mother, then my sociopath of an ex and it's sucks. Once I finally understood the effects of being brought up by a narcissistic mother I feel like I am whole for the first time in my life. I am truly happy for the first time and have confidence in myself.

  • Not necessarily. Some people are, they overcompensate for their insecurities by acting arrogant or narcissistic. But some people are simply narcissistic and that's all there is to it, haha!