How do you deal with being Raped?
Seriously how do you deal with? There's a lot of pain from what happened to me. Things people say trigger it. Just pain. Especially if you've only had relationships where the guy didn't care about you. Just emptiness.
It was a previous boyfriend who did this to me, and I couldn't go out with anyone afterwards. sometimes if someone mentions his name, it makes me just want to cry. what makes it worst is my step dad brings it up and calls me a whore. that boyfriend was the only guy I've ever had sex with. ever since that, I can't do anything sexual. it just makes me start crying. I don't know sometimes how to deal with it
i'm trying to get busier but it isn't helping. I've been to counselling. the guys I've been with, after, they didn't really understand
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
This is always a very difficult experience for anyone. Therapy with the right therapist can be incredibly helpful. Closure can help also, if this guy hasn't had charges pressed on him. Exposure and remembering, if you're still moving forward, should make it so the memories hurt less each time, little by little. If you ignore and attempt to bury the pain it'll always follow you. This experience will be crippling, and it will probably hurt terribly for a while, but not forever. You also need to try and find guys who are understanding, who will go at your pace, and be with and understand you.
As for your step dad, he's a *****************************************
The transition in emotion which I believe signifies progress is going from depression to anger. When your step dad treats you like dirt, instead of feeling bad, you need to learn to channel that self-destroying sadness into anger, anger towards him for saying completely outrageous and hurtful things to you. It's part of the grieving process.
I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I have an old friend who's father probably molested or raped her as a child, she's 19 now, and she's incredibly hurt. I truly hope you become happier.
What Guys Said 2
Therapy, continue your counseling, and seek advice and help from friends and loved ones. This isn't something that's going to take a month or two, this is a life long wound that you will need to continue to sooth. People are out there to help you, just surround yourself with them and enjoy your life. Also, please try to avoid thinking about it, the more you do, the less you'll be able to help yourself. Don't bring up the subject unless it's necessary.
You're bold for asking such a difficult question. No one should ever violate you like that, and dealing with the assault won't be easy. Still, the concise way you've worded your question indicates to me that you have the ability to speak directly about what happened, and that's good. Now you need a trusted adult to talk to: you need to seek therapy.
You should also know that what happened isn't your fault. It's very hard to have someone close, such as family, boyfriend, or close friend, take advantage of your trust and body like that. Your step father doesn't understand how deeply you've been affected, doesn't care, or is an ass. Don't put any stock in his words.
I'd love for you to read "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." This book is powerful, easy to read, and simply the best collection of words I've ever read. It makes me cry when I read it, but it's very relatable to me, and I think to you too. The best quote I've read is "We accept the love we think we deserve."
And that's true. You've got a crappy step dad. You've had a boyfriend that raped you. It's VERY important you learn that you deserve better, before you end up developing a poor selection pattern with the guys you pick.
You deserve better.
What Girls Said 3
First of all my dear you have to believe it is not your fault own it .Look at yourself in the mirror & don't stop looking at yourself, & say these words(1. It is not my fault) say it at least 25 times even if you feel like it is your fault do it anyway. Then look at yuorswelf again and say (2. I LOVE MYSELF) do that 25 times even if you don't do it anyway..Look honey I have been raped I know how you feel , the pain is never ending. I promise you my dear the pain does subside once you deal with being raped,it's not your fault sweetie. Anybody woman or man that has been raped feels like it is there fault it's like a nautral reaction to feel that way..Do you believe in JESUS ask him to help you in all your walks in life big or small and he will help. Just say help me God in the name of Jesus AMEN...About 9 years ago I was gang raped by my boss and coworkers. I left my husband and two boys-Mike(8yrsold at the time now he is 16 years old) and Shawn (3 years old now he is 12 years old) Look I incourage you to continue looking at yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself(it was not my fault) and (I LOVE myself) and continue your conselling..It is okay to cry . Cry for as long as it takes because it is healing believe it or not... Will you please write me back and let me know how your doing sweetie maybe in time we can exchange phone numbers or emails.. God Bless you and your in my prayers..Lori Pinkerton
First, I've never been in this situation, so I can't imagine how you feel. Like many girls, I've come close to having it happen, but thankfully I was lucky and it didn't. (Can I say thank God for good guy friends?)
And I'm sorry you have had to suffer through such an experience. But you seem to be handling it in a very mature way, and you are making the first step by realizing you can't get over it on your own. The next is to find some support for it. It doesn't matter if it is a good friend, a parent, anyone that can support you while you try to get past it. Then, you find a therapist, or a program to help you. Therapy is needed so that you can work through the issues it has presented in a healthy way. And while I, like many people, have an aversion to therapists, they can really help you in a situation like this.
You also have to get away from those who are giving it a negative connotation. Your step-dad, for one. ANYONE who thinks that rape is the woman's fault is completely ignorant about the act of rape and doesn't understand it at all. He won't be able to be a supportive, understanding influence while you work through this and you'll have to get away from that if you want to try to heal.
But working through it is only one of many steps you are going to have to take. No matter the therapy or the support, this will be with you for the rest of your life, and it will affect it. Once you work through it, and decide you are ready to date and try to be a sexual individual again, you'll have to find a man that is caring, understanding, and willing to work to be with you. You'll need a healthy relationship with a guy that can truly be there for you. But that is a long way off.
This is a big one. I was raped 6 years ago and I have been in therapy ever since, I've been put on pills (antidepressants and sleep aids), and I've labelled crazy by my mom who thought I was a whore for this.
Let me tell you something you need to hear and believe: This was NEVER your fault. No matter what anyone says, no matter what you wore, no matter what your relation to your attacker, your age, no matter if drugs and alcohol were involved.
You need to go into therapy until you are okay enough to acknowledge this part of your life and move on. The pain doesn't dull with time, but if you change the way you deal with it you can start to build stable ground.