Why is it that guys have to work so hard to get girls?

All girls have to do is look somewhat attractive and they will get a guy. Even an ugly girl can get a guy if she puts herself out there. Guys have to dress right and have the perfect personality and such, and if they don't meet those standards, they are left alone. If girls put themselves out there some guy will come up to them, even if it's a drunk frat boy.


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What Girls Said 50

What Guys Said 23

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    This is a funny question because girls ask the exact same question -- why do I have to work so hard to get the guy's attention? (That's second to "Where have all the cowboys gone?")

    Your conception of how easy it is for girls to get a guy is a little askew. If a girl sets her eyes on home plate and keeps getting guys that can't run to first, what has she gained? Nothing... She's on a losing streak.

    Guys and girls with similar personalities and interests are supposed to attract each other. Period.

    With girls, it's more socially acceptable to wear a flashy accessory, flip the hair, etc. Body language and communication are expected. With guys, flashy accessorizing doesn't make the same impression, so more emphasis is placed on personality (particularly the Alpha Male quality) and general looks.

    Note that only the "party girls" who are not worth a gentleman's time are interested in the drunk frat boy. A lady is looking for something more substantial. I'm not talking rings and wedding bells, but a good guy with a sense of humor and a clear set of interests, etc. You don't want to hang out with someone boring; neither does she...

  • you do not have to do anything. you do not have to have a girlfriend have sex f*** yourself,..You can just work and find hobbies you like. travel, get a dog.

    im not going to bother with women have to be pretty bullsh*t. that's their choice they set a standard if no one wore make up, then no one could expect it.

    i do notice that you leave out a big chunk of yur girl utopia. she waits.guys chase. which guys? is it a guy she wants?

    and if she goes to ask out a guy, most often every person who says guys should chase, says women should wait. commonly a guy being asked, thinks, I'm a man I should persue HER wht a loser..

    thats not a choice. that's being a sitting duck. there's no glory in chasing never catching, there's o glory in running never stoping. things are set up so that no one can actually reach an equalibrium, well because if people coud just forget ll the stupid tie consuming dating bd. just hang out get to know people hey like let things happen in good time. then all the dating advice books and sites would be out of business.

    your willingness to be neurotic & accept bullsh*t, keeps the dating industry fed & fat.


  • In real life I have a hard time too, I don't require much but I do have standards. For some reason I get approached by ghetto guys and creepy old guys; not sure why though. I dress very modest and I like to speak proper English. One of my guy friends calls me prude and another thinks my standards are too high... which is weird. Plus the guys in LA are too short and not funny. No sense of humor and being short are deal breakers because I am tall and I love a great laugh. I just want an average guy where he is nice, caring, funny, and understanding. I would be the same for him.

  • I get apporoached by the wrong type of guys all the time. It really is not fair. So speak for yourself link

  • You are so wrong. Girls have a tough time too and we get rejected all the time. Especially after having sex with the guy and then feeling like crap because your female hormones makes you attached to that a**hole.

  • we have to work hard to, to keep you once you've "gotten" us.

  • Woooooaaah, what girls have YOU dated, dude?

    Now, I can sympathize with you, but if you want the answer, try rereading your question. You say "All girls have to do is look somewhat attractive" to get a guy. Meanwhile,"Guys have to dress right and have the PERFECT PERSONALITY and such" = GUYS only care about PHYSICAL looks and GIRLS care about the whole package. I mean no offence, but it's the fact that lots of guys are very shallow, and that they just choose a girl based on their bust line and butt that makes the rest of us raise our standards to AVOID guys like those.

    Granted, sometimes we fail in that, too. Not going to lie. =/

  • Uh... In order for us to "get a guy" the standard is set that we have to be skinny, popular, pretty.. etc

    we play hard to get, not because we want to but because men set that standard, and if you think about it.. everyone could list the douchey things males do. Not all are snakes, but most are.

    Just my two cents! stop stressing about girls though, just enjoy life and a girl will come around:)

  • you make it sound like its easy for us we have to put with the same crap you guys do plus more, you have no idea what we go through so don't think your the only one

  • we girls have higher standards

  • My brother used to tell me that when we were younger. "you girls know when you leave the house that you will hook up." I think that a lot of this is self confidence. If you think you are hot and show it then yes you will get attention. If you don't put yourself out there then no you won't hook up. If a girl settles for a drunk frat boy, that is just sad.

  • We have to be fit, pretty, outgoing etc.. all that jazz, and we constantly cut each other down as girls. We are usually pretty self-conscious (whether we show it or not) and don't like taking big risks trying to get a guy. If the guy comes to us, we feel like we've done something right or are somewhat attractive when the guy comes to us. We don't try to sit around and just look nice, we're really just scared!

  • Actually, it's not that easy to get guys for all of us. I am not ugly and I have dated 3 guys in my life. I am only 16, so I still have time. But I haven't dated any of them for more than a few weeks. I just wanted to say that it isn't as easy as you think for girls. I wish at least one guy would come up to me, at this point, I wouldn't even care if it was a drunk frat boy..

    • It's very easy for girls. Girls have never approached me; they don't ever work for it or anything like that. Your statement is both untrue and dumb.

  • Because we have to work hard weeding out the players and the ones we don't reciprocate feelings for! Also, I am very beautiful and guys don't usually ask me out- I have to find out from friends that so and so used to have a crush on me. It happens all the time. It's not easy! Even now I have a crush on a guy that likes me back but we are not getting anywear.

  • if it is true love it shouldn't feel like it is work or hard, it'll feel like you want to do it and it comes naturally.

  • Nice.

  • That´s silly. If people dress to impress that´s them, there are others who don't do so and find realtionships as well. In the end it´s all about personality, you might be attracted to someone based on look and the way they present them sefls and its in their personality to do so.

  • Guys don't have to work hard to get a girl. Girls usually form an opinion within the first few minutes of seeing a guy. She could immediately find him attractive. The difference is that girls don't want to show that they like someone. Even if your friend asked them if they liked you and they did, they might deny it. It's a matter of them being confident enough.

  • i feel a lot of guys don't work hard enough to earn a girl.

    frat guys...i feel like their attitude sometimes is so demeaning towards girls. I hear about them about their random fling with a girl every week...guys are sometimes not responsible for what they do ...

    i am an attractive girl, I don't want to sound egotistical.

    i find that I attract a lot of douche bags and a few good guys.

    the ugly girl...i don't know why some guys do ask the less attractive girl possibly for other traits, who knows.

    it's a complicated situation in R.L.

    not many guys ask me out, I don' t know if they're intimidated but I feel the ones who don't do the work or actually treat me right, with respect, are shot down pretty fast, by me.

    us girls also work for attention. it takes me more than half an hour to get ready to go out. hair, make up, etc, clothes, the way we talk etc. so much effort goes into that too.

  • WRONG.

    If I go out and look attractive as possible..i get a slew of jerks. not guys.

    I do have to work to "get" guys. This just entails turning on my charm, humour and personality.

  • I know it may seem that any girl can get a guy and that girls don't have to try at all, but really most girls try hard and still don't get a guy. To me anyways it seems that any guy can have a girl friend whether they try for one or not. But I hope things work out for you :)

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  • there is no such thing as a perfect personality, you just need to find somone who shares your intrests, but looking a bit attractive does help, I'm not gona lie

  • Look at the flip side of the question. Girls may have it easy when it comes to approaching a potential mate/date/friend/f*** but they are burdened with having to turn down a lot of guys. If you are an attractive woman and decide to go out to see live music w/o any intention of bringing someone home-or at least waiting until the right someone appears-you are probably going to be approached by a dozen guys who are all using some sort of line she has heard 100 times before. If she has the tact, energy, and manners to turn down a dozen offers in a polite way-polite because 1) she doesn't want to crush a dozen egos & 2) she doesn't want each rejected candidate going back to his clique and telling all of them what a **** she is-that's a lot lore of a pain in the ass than not having to ask. By being polite she risks ambiguity so that's even more difficult because now some guy she isn't interested in still thinks there's a chance if he just tries harder. Now she needs to be rude just to get some space. Throw alcohol into the mix-and that's usually the case-and you could have some loaded asshole loudly explaining to his buds that she's frigid, a dyke, a bitch, a **** or all of the above.

    Frankly, until I wrote this, the magnitude of the situation hadn't occurred to me-I'd like to hear from women about the accuracy of that,

    Oh, and don't forget the possibility of any guy approaching slipping a roofie into her drink.

  • becase life is unfair, and Bill Gates even said so

  • Depends on the type of girl you go after...

  • Shit dude... You're pedestaling all pooty. Stop it. Stop it immediately. Learn to dislike the beautiful ones and to go do your own sh*t. As the song says, the beautiful are empty. I've known so many that they're all the same no matter what one of them says to cover their own ass. They're a hollow shell of what could have been. When you learn to dislike it, it activates the "I want what I can't have." thing where you have to beat them off with a damn nightstick.

  • Because girls are gudged by there looks.

    Guys are gudged by something else.

    What guys are gudged by:

    Social status

    Looks(it does count but not a lot 20% maybe)

    Replecation status - are you a valued male. (how important are you)

    money (people say no, but pimps and movie stars that shag every hour say yes)(tho not biggy again)(but is there)


    [unfair huh? send me personal message to descuss how to change it]

    but yea man if you think looks matter, your wrong, I have seen ugly guys get very nice girls.

    and if you say you work hard- desparate. shows you that your less worth than the girl because your working for her. girls only like guys that are higher value than themselfs (improving there social status, this is what people call instinct)

    don't be to interested (and FFS don't lean in, girls find it creepy)

  • nature. Guys want to sow the seed far and wide, they can shag and run easily. Girls have to guard themselves as getting pregnant is a massive commitment which could seriously screw them over if they've no guy to look after them.

    Shit that girls haven't got over this in the modern world but there we go.

  • Honestly, I'm a very shy guy and have never proposed a chick. But even the ones or twos that have shown interest in me, I had to work some bit to get into their pants...lol!

  • ...such is life my friend when your young.

    but I would add that this isn't the case all when you grow up...whilst your under 25 your driven by the urge to sex sex sex which gives women a lot of power because they then pick to whom to give it too.

    when guys are older though and have court up to the average females state of mind..then it all becomes a level playing field.

    Imagine your in your late 20's and uve spent the better half of a decade sexin everygyal from every region of the world...now your looking for that one to settle down with and start a family...thats where females tend to be when their about...17-18 lol

    when you get to that stage your going to demand more, your not just after the pretty face, you want a chick with personality, potentially someone that you can see as a good mother, someone that's in the right place in their life and isn't going to jump in another guys bed...loool

    you see...we aren't that different to them.

  • So this is an anger-letting thread? I do see what you mean. I'm a great prospect compared to my peers. I'm kind, tactful, creative, witty, have a well-paying job 10K beyond what they can get, and believe in treating my women like equals. However, I'm short, slightly AS, and a bit crazy. It's just the short as I keep the crazy hidden.

  • If it weren't difficult for the guys the girls would get the reputation of being 'easy' and no girl really wants that stamp.

  • my best advice. dress neat or clean. it doesn't have to be expensive clothes I wear plain shirts and get hit on. two: be calm not nervous and shaky. three: be kind and sweet and show interest and ask questions that will spark a conversation. and no matter the outcome the more you talk to the more you'll learn. and I can get plenty off girls. but I'm all I'm searching for is the one. which by the way don't be a player. if you pick one out stick to her. if she doesn't go for it don't turn to her friend.

    • agree completely

  • So your words become flesh.

    • tryna get biblical, son? LOL

    • WTF DUDE

  • C'est La Vie! Learn it,boy!

    Just kidding! Kinda...

  • The double standards haven't really weakened that much Girls are still prizes to be won quite often, and there are a lot of requirements to even enter the contest. That's why guys try to get girls drunk, so they'll forget all those rules!

    In a word, you're right, guys are expected to jump through all sorts of hoops by MOST girsl still today, whle a girl just has to be out there. No real requirements for her.

  • girls are bitches and I don't work hard...if I get ignored after I try and be nice I move on ...if a girl wants to be a bitch she isn't worth my time.

    recently I kindly asked a girl for her number she just laughed at me and walked away made a huge deal about it to her friends basically let evryone know I wanted her...2 weeks later she asked for my phone and put her number in...i didn't bother to text her

    • not all girls are bitches and mot of us do work hard,but some just use their looks to get what they want...that girl was obviously shallow for not giving you a chance

    • Not all girls are bitches...

      that [ particular ] girl was one tho.

      kinda bogus for her to do that...

  • Let's put it this way

    Girls can get sex very easy compared to guys

    However it's hard for them too to find a good relationship (not one based on sex)

  • Thats how the game is played, girls don't like boys they like cars and money have that and they will come after you...

  • "For the most part, women have this fairy tale fantasy that a man will come along, sweep her off her feet and take all of life's problems away. When that doesn't happen the relationship will turn sour quickly.

    Men are just happy to be getting some action."

    Overall, the point is that "Beggar's Can't be Choosers", unfortuneately, life is not fair like that, sometimes we just have to adapt, but gladly there are some aggressive women out there that do initiate and ask guys out, but they are very rare, hopefully it will be more common as the years go by.

    • But not literally every guy just wants sex only, although a majority do, but this is how I see it, "guys will f*** anything, but they will actually love one thing"

  • "Girls are like poop; the older they get, the easier they are to pick up."

    As a function of time, your sex drive will decline sharply, but probably not as sharply as her looks will decline. (translation: both your demand for her, and the value she has to offer; are sharply diminished.)

    As a function of time, her desire to get married, start a family, and feel secure & stable will increase dramatically. Your income and wealth will also increase sharply. (translation: your demand and the value you have to offer will sharply increase.)

    So you'll be looking at these same women you're looking at right now and thinking, "I'd love to bang her, but it's too much work," and instead you'll be thinking, "I wouldn't take her even if she offered herself to me for free."

    Men simply have more time. Women might say no to this guy, no to that guy, but if they're 25 and single; they'll start regretting every "no" they said; because now there are new 18-24 year-old girls in the dating market; and there's really no competition.

    Men just have to wait. Are you complaining life dealt you the "wait" card? Would you rather life deal you the "rush" card? All you have to do is take your time.

    It pays off. If you have a mom or grandma fetish, 25 - 50 year-old women will be more than happy to be getting the attention of a well-qualified bachelor. If you don't, the younger guys can't compete with you over girls 18 - 24.

    You have a car, you have your own place, you have a career (as opposed to a job), and you're somebody in this world. When she introduces her "boyfriend", now she'll be saying "look at who I might get to marry me; and imagine the kind of lifestyle I'll have" as opposed to "look at who I'm f***ing; isn't he so cute?"

    Lastly, a girl who is dating a doctor, feels more important and better about herself relative to other women; as opposed to a girl dating a personal trainer, or a construction worker, or a watch salesman.

    You can always make the argument that, "what if that doctor is a bad person?" Well, "what if that loser is a bad person?" Why stop there? What if he's a gay serial raping pedofile? At the end of the day, ceribus pluribus (all else constant); the more financially powerful guy trumps the less financially powerful guy.

    There are way more books targeting women about "how to marry rich, how to marry a millionaire, smart women finish rich, etc." than there are on "how to marry a nice guy, who loves you, and cares about you, etc."

    So the same way you can walk into a strip-club and have a stripper dance for you or perform acrobatics at the drop of a $1 bill, is the same way it will seem like when you get a little bit older and more established.

    The only trick is to not actually make the girl feel like a stripper or prostitute; try and hold your loling inside. Otherwise she'll feel bad and the whole "I'm a lady, I have respect for myself" will come out of her mouth; and she won't do it.

    • Beware the fury of a patient man... my man, all you havta do is wait.. time is truly on your side...

    • Absolutely; those people are called gay men and women.

    • Awww thanks for putting me in the mom grandma categorie.

      When I was 21 I was defs not interested in guys over 30. Just sayin'...

      But it's true that guys get more attractive when they age, while women don't.

      But isn't all this talk kinda shallow. Don't people get together anymore simply because they really like each others' personality...

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