Erratic boyfriend behavior and breaking up?

On the 4th this month, I had bugged by boyfriend to spend sometime with me, but he's incredibly busy and haven't been spending much time with me due to tight datelines. It's his final year in university and is feeling the stress of being able to please me and complete his work on time. He previously called for a time out a year ago for almost the same reasons; I was clingy and jealous (he has a lot of friends) and he hated having to explain everything to me, where he was going, who this girl was etc. He wanted freedom to do what he wants, when he wants. I’m quite certain that he isn’t the cheating sort even though he enjoys the company of girls. I’ve seen the way he acts around them, and friends have told me that it seemed neutral.

I've changed since, but apparently not enough. I’ve somewhat stopped asking about these girls or I keep it short and sweet. I try to let him have his space by requesting that we meet at the very least once a week. I mean every relationship needs some kind of commitment, no? But it seems like me wanting to spend time with him has lead to his breaking point. He called me back on the 5th, and thinking that everything was going to be fine after a night's sleep (which is usually what its like with us), I asked if we were still meeting that night for dinner. He agreed.

He dropped a bomb on me and asked for a break up, for me to let him go. That the appealing thing about being single right now is his freedom to do things at his own time and pace, and not having to report to me about anything if he didn’t feel up to it. I told him to reconsider and not make rash decisions when he's stressed out like that. He said he wouldn’t change his mind and he didn't want to meet. He said that if we met, he would break up with me instantly. He asked me when my exams ended and I told him the 20th, and he said he'll wait till then to break up with me officially. If this was going to ease the pain, it’s no consolation. I asked him when I can expect a call and he told me, I won’t call/see you, until after the 20th but I’ll see you online and don’t have any expectations. And it ended. I tried to play it cool the next day and refrained from calling him or even going online. He called when I was out having dinner with my cousin and her friend, he asked me where I was, what I’m doing there and who I was with. encouraged by the call. I asked if we were OK. His reply; “it depends. See you online.” I never showed up online that night and the next day. He called again saying that he over-amplified things, but there were some underlying issues he has yet to resolve. I told him not to worry about this yet. Agreeing, we chatted normally, but there were signs of jealousy on his part. he asked if the guy was trying to hit on me and if I was contacting someone he thought I had chemistry with. hours before breaking up he was all over me, told me he’d rather talk to me than work on his essay, and that I was his comfort and therapy. please help. - heartbroken

Update: He's still contacting me constantly, sending me songs and such. If it were guilt and he's afraid that I might do something silly; I would I have done it within the week. No need to keep checking in on me now. What's the point?

Most Helpful Girl

  • The guy cares for you. He sounds like a good guy but you drove him away from you. Guys don't want to be nagged at all the time. That's annoying and a turn off. Of course he is going to get jealous when he hears you talking to other guys, I mean he was your boyfriend. But honestly maybe it's for the best to be broken up. Sounds like you have a lot of things to work on yourself, such as your jealousy, insecurity issues and trust issues. It's never good to go in a relationship with those issues. You want to have a relationship where your confident, because it eliminates the jealousy and insecurities. So give him space, actually a lot of space. He needs to have time to think, and so do you. It's not a bad thing. Having space can let him do what he has to do and for you to have time to yourself and be happy just within you. And if you guys do not end up getting back together, then at least you will be more confident in your next relationship.

    In general, we all like to keep tabs on our partners because we feel like we have the right to know what he's doing, who he's with etc but really we don't. They need to keep having their freedom just as much as we do.

    • I know what you're talking about, and I know I've made mistakes. But it feels like I can change. I've not contacted him since he asked me not to, when previously I was worse. I'd text him even though I know I shouldn't. I've stopped worrying about the girls he's meeting with. I've just gotten too tired to do that anymore. If I gave him the time and space he needs, don't I have a chance at being with him again?

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    • Thanks.. That sounds like a plan... something I can focus on rather than worrying that this is a hopeless situation. I'm not sure if I should avoid his calls when he does call though. The next to working on myself is easier than it is handling something concerning another person.

    • Exactly. I am single and I am enjoying it because I have soo much "ME" time and making myself happy. Therefore when I do get into another relationship, I will be content and happy with myself, and I can make my partner happy.

      Besides, only worrying about him and what he's doing and if he will give you another chance will stress you out. Don't worry about it. its not the end of the world.