When do guys decide they finally want a serious relationship?

Guys, at what point do you decide that you want to settle down with a girl? Is their a certain number / types of relationships you go through before you finally decide that you want to be with one girl? Is their a certain age? Certain period in life? Do you ever return to an old crush/flame and decide you want to be with them? ~ thanks.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm young so I don't have a whole lot of experience seeing this happen but I would think it's different for each dude.

    Like you said, I'm sure some dudes want to try out a lot of girls or finally try to go back and give that one awesome girl a second chance before they permanently strap themselves to one woman.

    I would also say age is probably just out of the question, because some guys settle at 18, some at 45.

    Also, I think circumstances with the girl in question matter a lot, since sometimes after being with an awesome girl for only a few months you think to yourself 'man finally a girl I could be with forever.' Those sparks don't fly with every girl we come across, so sometimes it just takes that one awesome thing for a long time girl to do for us to realize she's perfect for us. Like if a girl took great care of us while we were horribly damn sick for a few days, and just put up with us while we're our nastiest, meanest manly selves that might make us start thinking 'damn, this girl I could live with for the rest of my life.'


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What Guys Said 7

  • I would never settle down with 'a' girl, but instead with 'the' girl. It won't be that I decide it might be fun to chase some woman down and make an honest girl of her, or that it was the right time in life, or phase of the moon, or I was the right age for it. (It'd be a bit dumb to let the right girl go by just because it was the wrong time, wouldn't it? )

    It may be a bit old-fashioned of me to believe in (and hunt for) true love, but I think that when I see it, I'll know it. For that matter, I'd bet that it won't be nearly so much a "I want to settle down with this girl! " as a "Huh. I suppose I'm settled down now. Imagine that. " that just rose naturally out of the relationship.

  • Well I think this might be a tough one for "guys"

    I believe its very different for all guys.

    In my cause, its very simple. when I feel that we both want the same things in life (major things, like future, finance, kids, lifestyle) and we both love each other that's when I'm ready to go the whole nine yards. though with the divorce rate these days I think a notion has been GREATLY overlooked. Its called FLEXIBILITY.

    Cheers !

  • To settle with a person is the goal of every man, whether they want to admit this or not. no real time limit...it's just more like a vicious cycle of hit and miss until the right woman with all the right factors come into play. I don't think of any woman as the one to settle with. I think of things in the sense of longer term now. because people can get so wrapped up in settle, settle, settle, then after they do finally get all nice and comfy, the next big question is this....what do you do now? most people don't have a solid answer for that, and most people want that answer to be and they lived happily ever after....but such is not the case. you have to understand and accept that long term means exactly that. long term. you have to take the person your with and accept everything about them, their good sides, and their bad sides...because essentially they become a part of you. this is a big reason I think why Americas divorce rate is so damn high. and if I'm on this plane of thinking and the girl I'm with is not....then its a waste of time and on to the next. I understand your question very well. it's a big reason why I'm single myself. that and I'm still finishing college before I even begin to worry about a settle partner. so take these thoughts and have a swim with them, you'll get your answer. just do what you think is right. no matter what, your the one who has to live with yourself. - j

    • Perhaps the word "settle" wasn't quiet correct. The word has many negative connotations. I don't think people should "settle", it's like saying I will take orange juice because you don't have apple juice. I think being together in the longterm does mean navigating with someone through the course of life -- it's a sharing of life (it's numerous perspectives). Yes, these thoughts of settling, and long term certainly float in my head!

    • Keep in mind, sometimes people will drink whatever they can get. the human desire to quench the yearnings of the soul will take whatever it can.

    • Ah, good point. Very good point. Well put.

  • There's really no mathematical equation to it, for every man it's very different. I'd say our family life growing up has some bearing on when we start looking for the right girl to get serious with, for some it's sooner, for others later. I think the best litmus test possible would be to look at the guy's friends. Generally, once his friends are in serious relationships he'll start looking at a long-term relationship more seriously. Conversely, if his friends are all single, he'll be more prone to running with the pack, so to speak. Sadly, I have to say there's no way to give you a generalized answer concernig all men, but like I said, there are clues there for each individual man. Hope that helps.

  • For some it takes a life altering experience some grow up some never do.

    Nature of the beast.

    And yes sometimes you do return to one crush or flame to be with them. Although it doesn't work cause they always think you have alternative motives. Been there done that.

    And yes most like to play the field before they settle down with just one girl, that way they know what they are getting and know that it is truly what they want.


  • When I become more matured in life, for me it took time and several relationships both failed and ones that ended in them becoming my good friends. As in I was trying to target peace of mind in dark, trying every random nook or corner. Every gal has taught me over time.

    How I wish I could go back to an old flame? ;-)

    Or, perhaps I took an early retirement from mindless flirting that most of girl friends turned friends keep telling me. :-)

  • Actually, I'm going through that right now. Of course I have my own rules that I'm applying to my current relationship. At least one year of dating before I can decide if I would like this girl to move in with me, at least 6 months of living together before I can decide if I am ready to buy her engagement ring and at least one more year before I am ready to propose. Of course none of this can happen until after she graduates from college and knows what she wants to do with her life. If we are still together in two years then I'll think about asking her to move in with me.

    For me, I would seriously like my girl to have an established life before I can make a decision of how much I would like to continue to stay in her life. I'm already out of college, ready to start my Master's and at the beginning of starting my career.

    From what I've seen, women who rush into marriage at an early age are divorced before they are 30. I want to make sure that whomever I make my wife is mature enough to make the decision that we are meant to be together for the rest of our lives.


What Girls Said 1

  • I just wanted to let you know I really enjoyed this question