Do you think it's crazy to fall in love with someone you've never met face to face?
I’ve come to you guys because I'm super worried if this is insane or not
First off: Would you think its was crazy and stupid if a friend or family member told you they had been communicating with a person for 13 months and really think they are in love with them and will soon go meet the person?
Second: Do you think its all possible to be in love with someone you've never met face to face?
I became member of this site a little over a year ago About a month after I joined I started corresponding with a man that had answered a few of my questions the first day we emailed back and forth for 6 hr Now I'm not usually a very talkative person and I don't open up to a lot of people because of growing up in foster care but I found him to be the easiest person to talk to and was very comfortable/able to open up to him almost immediately We began to email back and forth for hours every day most times staying up until dawn talking to each other about every topic you can think of After 2 mos of emailing we began to call each other and we both admitted that we were really starting to like each other as more then friends We continued to call each other every day and night spending 6-7 hrs on the phone just talking sharing our past/present lives and plans for the future I could talk to him about anything we talked politics sports music serious stuff past relationship and many other things We eventually decided to consider ourselves a couple and make serious plans to meet, 8 mos in he starts to talk about marriage and a serious life together and me moving to his state I found out then that I have an absolutely huge fear of commitment and change I found myself finding every little reason that it was not possible to be in love with him and that I was stupid and an idiot for even thinking of flying to meet a man that I had met online so I broke up with him saying some very mean and nasty things
A month or so later I feel the depression I faced in my teen years return and I sink lower and lower, I pick up an old habit of smoking weed to deal with the depression Flash forward, December when I take a look at my past year and I decide to start fixing things that are wrong in my life and I realize that I blamed him for every problem with us that I had made up to cover my real problems so I write a super long apology letter and he responds to it xmas day We begin to talk again like we used to and not a month later my feelings 4 him are back and stronger than ever You know how they say that a person will know when they find the ONE well I really think he is my ONE I have been happier in a few weeks then I have in mos I smile at the idea of one day marrying him instead of running in fear I want to tell my family about him and the fact that I do plan on meeting him soon whether its him flying to me or me going to him I'm very worried that they are going to think I am nuts and not accept the idea I just want to be with him, and have my family be ok with it
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Most Helpful Opinion
I don't think that's nuts at all to fall in love with someone who you have talked to everyday for over a year. You probably know more about each other than most people will ever know about each other.
I think the problem that you need to consider is that if you have a fear of commitment, seeing him in person is only going to ramp up that fear even more. So you probably need to decide now, based on what you know of him, to give it time to see if it can work in person.
One of the things that seems to happen is that if the guy sees pictures of you and hears your heart over the phone then he pretty much isn't going to fall out of love with you if you are awkward in person or don't say the right thing everytime. That is sadly not true with many women I know. They met a guy online, fall for him, and then when they met him in person, even if they saw a picture of him, if he isn't as smooth as he was on the phone or he seems awkward, or he doesn't talk as much, she puts the breaks on it. One woman I know talked to 2 or 3 different men, each for around 8 months before meeting them and then when she met them in person, she just didn't feel a "spark". Then after that she made sure to met someone a few weeks in to make sure they clicked. I really think this is sad that women do this but I also understand it. We get so focused on body language and things like that, that sparks mean so much to us.
The other trap of women is that when they meet the spark is so red hot they throw good sense out the window and make commitments they shouldn't have been making. A friend of mine married a man after knowing him only a month online. He seemed decent and all his friends and family praised him. Now that they are married she deals with his alcoholism, hateful words, and general lack of concern about her.
The point is, give it some time after you met him. If the spark isn't there, allow for some time for it to try and grow. If the spark is there, use that time to see what he is like with others. And don't ignore massive red flags. Not the little "I'm afraid of commitment" red flags that pick up stupid things like "He always puts his clothes on in a particular order! That's got to mean something!" I mean the fact that he has 4 beers at dinner and then wants to stop for another before the movie red flags.
What you heard online for the past year was his heart, not his reality. Everything he said (and you said) was your interpretation of the world around you. His mom could seem like a lovely woman and end up being a manic depressant. It's important to use the time to learn if the heart you fell in love with is anything close to how he lives his life.
And the way your family will accept this is through your good sense. If you show that you are being smart about it, a rational person will accept it in time. If you run off and marry the guy after a week of being with him, prepare for your family to disapprove. And a lot of pain dealing with them.
What Guys Said 20
Although I think you can get appealing feelings for someone over the internet I do not think you could fall in Love.
You could be imagining what he is typing in a whole different context to how he means it when he is typing. You do not get the emotion through text and you are likely always seeing his comments in the best most favourable light you can. In effect you are romanticising about how this person is in real life.
I would really suggest you meet before you decide if this connection you have is love.
As for opening up to him. Would you have done that if you had met him in person instead of over the internet? Exactly you cannot answer because you have not met him. Even if you grew to like him over 6 months you would probably be so much more aprehensive about it no matter how well your relationship developed. It is so much easier to open up to someone over text than it is face to face just as it is easier for dumping someone over text. But you know the person who dumps someone over text, Well, In my eye they are a coward. I'm not saying that you are a coward but the signs that you display are a level of fear to face your emotions head on.
Meet this dude and see what it is like in real life. I wish you all the best.
"meeting" can certainly include meeting by electronic means.
It's a different way to get to know someone, but not an inferior way. Well, let me modify that: it's superior in some ways and inferior in others, compared to face to face meeting.
Yes, it is perfectly possible to fall in love this way. But meet face to face also, if you can, because it's best to get to know someone in many different ways before getting too emotionally invested.
yea he could be the one... but until you are able to be around someone you will never know if your feelings are true. if what they say is really true. you love the idea of what this guy can bring. but what if being around him you find out he annoys you horribly. I don't discourage meeting him...and I believe that you like him. but you can't say you love someone you've never actually met. there are too many minute intricacies. your not crazy for liking him. but get to know who he really is before you start talking about marriage or anything even close to that
If you have never met face to face then its a little hard to fall in love. I guess you can. But, its a bit odd. I mean you couldn't actually meet without being face to face in the past centuries. So, its a bit unnatural since part of being in love involves the human contact and emotional connection that comes when you see the person you love face to face. But, I suppose its not entirely impossible in this day and age...
Wow, you went through way too many stages before you met. The nature of your relationship is going to change a lot when you meet him in person. I have no idea where this will lead.
You've fallen in love with something to say the least. The question is whether you've fallen in love with him or just how you see him through the internet.
A lot of times when corresponding with people in text form most of the context of each conversation is lost. Things like intentions, sarcasm, hesitation, body language, and other things are simply impossible to know. What people do in that instance is fill those things in themselves as to whatever it may seem they're looking for. After that initial character judgment is made about them, it follows through with whatever they say afterwards. Most females and a lot of males have a scenario that they've gone through in their head with the results they're looking for already decided on before any romantic situation they're going into. The psychology and interactions can be changed and distorted based on these predisposed confrontations.
My point being. You've decided what he was to you a long time ago. Him wanting you is the same as him wanting whatever person he's filled in with his anticipation. You can't be sure about it. What you need to do is date him as if you're meeting him for the first time. Don't use what he's said as pretense to what you do going forward.
As for the falling in love thing... It's said that love is the anticipation of the stimulation of the emotions one are addicted to. Whatever emotions you've felt most in life that's had the biggest impact on you are the emotions you're going to look for, whether they're good or bad, and they will shape your decisions. If you follow your "heart" you'll end up just as happy as you are now. If you want your life to be different, make a reasoned, logical, decision about this guy and do whatever yields the most positive results. Not one based on fantasy, or what you will get, but what you're able to get, and whether or not you're willing to take it.
This guy may be good or bad, honest or a liar, playing with you or actually wanting you... It's a coin flip, you'll never be certain. Go out to see him yourself, but more importantly, look out for yourself, what you're getting out of the situation, and not confusing that with what you hope to get, and get to know him for the first time again with a clear head. You'll be just fine. Go for it.
I didn't vote, because you've poll lacks the most important option: C - It is possible, beware and stay away!
It's undoubtedly possible and the liability of it happening doesn't mean we need to try it! it's rather nasty when you fall in love that way, it's just not the way humans were supposed to be mating and loving, this kind of relationship does not lack intimacy but it prevents you from enjoying that intimacy, it's all extreme teasing to the nerves and emotions, and worse than that it could develop into some kind of sexual teasing.
The success rates are extremely low, there are millions chatting and doing long-distance stuff of all ages but how many of these will end up together? ONE couple per month out of millions?! and how many of these couple that got united in the end (after all the sacrifice and the compromises they've given) are going to last as a couple?!
Think of it this way, it's flattering to know that someone is attracted to your brain more than your body, and you'd add the spices on that to say the "souls are meeting" and you keep on dreaming like that, until something comes along and pop your bubble.
If you were so serious about it, you should meet so fast before anything develops, preferably when you're still friends, and never carry on such a relationship if you were not 100% sure you're going to end up together, moving away is not an easy thing, changing your life and twisting everything upside down is not something you'd want to do for someone you met online and you're not even sure if they'd do the same for you or not.
I personally recommend a coffee shop because it's public and safe. I have had many online relationships (not personal though) and I thought I would tell you what things were like for me. There are a couple people I've known for years and I've gotten to know them really well, and I still had one of them turn into somebody I hate. But, most of them I'm still really good friends with and would like to meet in person someday. In fact, I talk to them through Xbox Live because this way you can talk to more than one person at once and in the background just move around in a game aimlessly so you have something to do with your hands. Also this way you don't get charged for phone service.
In fact, even though it sounds nerdy, we are going to start up a game development company and eventually all be working in the same place for the same purpose and we're all interested in the same things. So, while you may need to be careful sometimes with people online, there truly are good things that can come out of it. You're not limited to only the people who live near you, but the entire world. I think meeting them in person can just strengthen your relationship (in your case) and/or allow yu to get to know the person in their fullest.
I'll throw in my two cents here.
In an online relationship there's a key factor that isn't seen in an in person relationship. The online relationship is entirely based on the communication between the two people through what they share with one another. No other details are involved. This leads to a lot more sharing of information and at times the information becomes more personal and more relative to the relationship. I good relationship is built with good communication between the two people involved. By talking online you have to communicate. After communicating long enough online together, you learn eventually how to share your feelings through your words since no other means are present. This makes your feelings a lot cleaner and easier to decipher. The relationship builds like any relationship in person just on a different level.
This being said another key issue comes into play with online. Trust. While having talked to a person for over a year the lack of actually being with the person means you have a different level of trust in the person than you would having been with the person in person. The key to this is that online, even for extended periods of time, it is easy to pretend to be someone you are not. I was once in a situation for five and a half months online that fell apart because the other person lied about who she was. Even communicating via voice and webcam the lies were still there.
It is important to know that you can feel love for a person you haven't met. Only it should be noted that the love you feel for the person is for what you know about the person. Your knowledge on the person is incomplete since you haven't met said person in person. You're only seeing the person in how he interacts with you in one setting. It is key to meet this person (always in some safe manner regardless of how you feel about the person) to fill in the parts that are missing. Determine the things you can't figure out through words. Habits - personal, social, etc. I met a friend that I had known for several years finally in person a few years back. While the friend was the person I knew and communicated with online, I got to see another side I couldn't see online. Once the pieces are added to the puzzle you will be able to see if the feelings based previously just on some of the parts is still there with all of the parts. In the case of my friend, we are still friends. I just now have a better feeling for who my friend is. I think this strengthens the friendship.
So to conclude. I say go meet the person, safely, and see what developes.
Yes, very possible. you'r family might think it's insane but it's you'r life and I always say a day with out risks is a day wasted. my opinion is date him for a while in person then see how that goes, if it went well then yes it's real love. just like a fairy tale:)
wish I could made mine true before she change her mind. I am now in the same city but
I won't go to see her because she don't wanna waste time trying to do the same thing you'r willing to do.
best luck for you.
Vote C: its possible but its crazy.
You can fall in love but the question would be who you are being in love with. Is it the guy for what he really is? or is it an idea in your mind of what you would like him to be?. Its not a easy question if you're already inside the boat. You also need to consider he must also answer this question.
[ Here's the only relevant information to this question ]
- "You know how they say that a person will know when they find the ONE well I really think he is my ONE I have been happier in a few weeks then I have in mos I smile at the idea of one day marrying him "
- (You) "...have been communicating with a person for 13 months"
What more needs to be said? I can't change your mind on the subject. I would recommend approaching cautiously because LDR's can be a very brutal awakening to the true character of someone. It's easy to "be fake from afar". I don't think he is being fake, but use your judgement and feel out the situation
Absolutely you must meet the person. But "meet" is a pretty flexible word, and definitely includes electronic interaction.
To meet someone in the ordinary sense means to shake their hand in "meatspace". But is that really "meeting"? How many people have you met that way that you never really connected with? For me... hundreds at least.
But when two hearts and minds "meet" through any means of communication, a bond can form that transcends time and space and circumstance. Once that happens, meeting in the flesh just puts the lid on a jar that's almost full already.
Good l uck.
Not at all. Uncommon? Certainly but definitely not crazy. I think there's a lot of stigma over internet romance seeing as, technically speaking, it's not real romance because you aren't face to face. There's also the problem of being in love or infatuated with the idea of the person you're making out in your mind as to what you're getting first hand.
What Girls Said 20
Yes it is. You don't know what he's like in person. Believe me, it's REALLY different in person. I've had multiple experiences with meeting people online and meeting them in person.
One time I almost fell in love with this guy, then I met him on webcam and I was like, "oh."
IMO it's not realistic to let yourself go like that. Not only is it not realistic, but it's not natural.
I would be VERY careful first of all because there are a lot of horror stories out there and this sounds a little creepy that he's talking to you about marriage. There is possibility you like the idea of "being in love" with him but there's a difference then actually loving him. Its easier to create this fantasy person when your not meeting face to face. Things will be different if you do meet him and who know you might still love him. Good Luck
I think it's possible to fall in love with someone you've never met face to face based solely on what they tell you, but that doesn't mean it will work in person. Even if they are completely honest, it's not the same as having them there. Meeting them face to face could change the relationship. I wouldn't say that relationships like that can't work out, because some do, but I think they have to be taken slowly.
I'm late to the game but I'm still going to answer. It's not impossible and to some (if not many) it will be regarded as taboo. I am getting married on Saturday to my "one" that I met online 7 years ago. We were friends before anything. We met each other face to face and found our bond was even stronger. We have been living together for nearly 2 years and have a daughter. Life is amazing. I never would have thought that I could or would get married to someone I met on the internet. Now, I caution you about jumping into marriage so quickly because you have no idea what it will be like when you are face to face or even living with one another. Do not rush into the whole marriage thing.
Girl that is crazy. Are you sure it's love and not just infatuation? You know nothing about this guy except the information he's given you. Technology is a great invention but it cannot ever replace face-to-face direct contact. You miss so much stuff talking into a mouth piece and typing words on a computer. Honestly I think you probably attach easily to a guy who gives you the hope of romance. Wait until you meet him in person, get to know him over a period of time (in person) and don't let yourself attach fantasies to someone you don't know. Get to know him first.
To answer your question... no. you can fall in love with anyone you want :) You sound exactly like me! I met and completely fell in love with this guy who I also met online and I couldn't be happier with him... I have had several boyfriends and he was my first long distance relationship... I have fallen in love with him so much though and I am so happy because I've nevr felt like that about a guy... also I know about the deal with weed and whatnot.. I've had a hard time with it too.. so I hope you figure things out there... When I met my boyfriend I knew I couldn't tell my mom because she would freak with how I met him... I know she wouldn't approve. It sounds as if this guy may be a bit pushy in getting you to come see him though and maybe even talking about the future too fast... My best advice is to keep talking to him, because you should love who you want to, and decide things after time... if you two really loved each other you could wait... itll be hard but its a great test to see how you both react and to tell if he is the one you want to be with.. I really hope everything works out! I'm here if you have anymore questions! -JoaHelp
yes! I think that is crazy. I had an aunt that met a girl she had been talking with from the counrty marraco and she said she fell in love with him. She went there and married him & he came back after a couple months. and after a year of living here and being with her, he got his green card and left her, point is you never really know who the person really is. they can say anything to you and tell you what you wanna here just so you go and meet them and sometimes, most of the time its not who you thought they were. its not safe and you shouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know in person & maybe you think that you love them but when you finally meet them and live with them there may be something they do that you hate! then the relationship wouldn't work and it would be a waste of your time. well I would tell your family know it would be hard but you have to do it. and if you really ask me I would say find someone that doesn't live that far away from you and talk to them instead of someone you don't know at all. you may say you found the one but there's plenty of thoes guys around, trust me.
I wish you the best of luck.
In my opinion you can't fall in love with someone if you've never even met them. You couldn't touch or feel him, hug him, go to a restaurant with him, fall into his arms when you're sad and crying, bury your face into his chest during a scary movies, etc. You also couldn't see his reaction. Hehe. And you also couldn't look into his eyes and tell you you love him.
But I do hope that you'll be able to do all of that when you guys meet. =)
Good luck~! <3
Wow, I have a friend that kinda had the same thing going on, she met this guys on line and they started calling each other, and talking a lot over the phone, they even did some visual messages. She also got to talk to his son and get a close relationship with him. He had planned on coming to see her a couple of times, but stuff kept on getting in the way. Well they still talked and talked for almost a year. Then he said he wanted to go and see her again but didn't have the money, so she bought him a plane ticket for him and his son and again he didn't show. Said that he got too nervous and couldn't go. They are still talking but, now he is asking for more and more things. I don't think that this is the same situation as yours, I'm pretty sure the guy that she is talking to is just using her. The only thing is that this could be a good thing and a start to a good relationship, but I would also still be cautious for you did meet this guy over the internet and may still not know him as much as you think you do. I think as long as you go into this knowing that it could still go either way, you could be much safer.
You've received some great advice here...lots of thorough answers so far.
I've been through a year-long internet romance which ended about a month ago...and I supposedly "know" what I'm doing, being over 40, and having all of this life experience, right? ;)
If I can contribute anything of value, it would be one statement: LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
I apologize if this sounds harsh, and I mean it only to be factual and helpful, but your approach is one easily identified as classic co-dependent behavior. I would know, having experienced this most of my life, and doing my best to manage it.
(google the word co-dependent behavior and you will see definitions and most likely websites and stories).
The typical co-dependent is lacking in self-esteem, and is somewhat emotionally vulnerable. She looks for validation from others for self worth...(friends, lovers, etc). The co-d person also thinks that she is helping others and just loving for the purity of the emotion, but inside her head, she knows that if she shows him love, attention, affection, she will get the desired response back (love in return, admiration, compliments, etc) which makes her feel good and valued.
When the other person does not return the emotional needs, the co-d becomes threatened, insecure, and even frustrated, and tries harder and with more means to attain that emotional security/bond.
My friend, you are co-dependent. It's not a disease. It's a behavior. That's all. It needs to be managed. I know you can do it. Start out by visiting "www.soberrecovery.com". It's an addiction website, but they have co-dependent forums that allow you to read others posts, and post anonymously to get support from others in the same boat.
I would venture to guess that you are not happy with the way you look (figure, hair, whatever), and are not immersed in a fulfilling job/career, and don't have a passionate life focus yet...so this guy and the things that surround him are YOUR WORLD right now...Understood, but it's NOT OK long term.
The first step is acknowledging that this back and forth intensity with this guy isn't completely real...its, like some of the others said, embellished by your own desires to create the optimum scenario. That's OK. We all do it. No shame involved. We all want to be loved and to love another. Long talks are wonderful and you can build a trust and adoration for this guy, but it's not a substitute for respecting yourself, and being happy with who you are, alone.
Be patient. Love who you are. If there are things about you that you would like to improve or refine, spend your energy doing this for a while, and sooner than you know it, you will be giving off positive, healthy vibes that will attract other men around you, and you just might be pleasantly surprised at how wonderful you really are.
Hugs, and good luck.
It is possible:)
go for it and meet him, just be careful and meet in a public area.
I understand what you mean becuase I met a guy online. We'd chat for hours and
talk for hours on the phone.We tried doing that whole long distance realtionship thing.
But I ended it after a couple months,which I now REGRET!.
becuase he was the only one that made me really happy.
He was planning on moving to the city where I was so we could be together.
but after I ended it we stopped talking for a couple weeks. after that he started
talking to me again and we've been good friends for 5 years now.
he knows I moved to a different city,and while I was away visiting family.
I was surprised to find out that he moved to the city that I live in now.
I have yet to meet him,and have no idea why he would move all the way
down here since he has no family here.
I can't wait to see him and I know he feels the same way.
and of course I'm nervous to meet him, cuase even though we like each other alot
I can't help but worry and wonder if we won't like each other in person.
but that's a risk I'm willing to take.
So meet him and see what happens, just always remember to cautious.
I believe you can truly *think* you are in love with someone, but until you've seen them in person ( see their quirks, mannerisms, how they interact with others, how they respond to stress, grief, and day to day experiences), I don't believe you can fall in love in a healthy manner. Having a relationship that is based via letters, phone, or even the internet allows us to "romanticize" the relationship... it isn't all reality. We're allowed to twist some situations to fit out ideals. We don't get a 100% honest view of who they are. Not that they're hiding anything, but in person is the only way to guage what they're like. And that's after an extended period of time. The first few months are easy to be on your "best behavior".
I would be cautious.Meet the person in a neutral territory, and don't make plans to be somewhere alone. You may have deep feelings for the person, but don't get ahead of yourself. There's books written about this.
Best of luck!
I voted take a chance because I will almost always tell people to take a chance on love. I think too many times we hide our hearts and our feelings away and it only does injustice to us and our loved ones. In any case, I fell in love with my husband before meeting him in person. We knew each other for nearly six years before meeting in person. We met online when we were in our very early teens and were best friends for a long time before deciding to make it official. We pretty well knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together even before we met (and after dating for nine months), and meeting only confirmed this for the both of us. It is hard, and the dynamics of the relationship change in person. You will find yourselves met with whole new obstacles.
I think - you do need to keep yourself safe - so meeting in a public area or even taking a friend with you isn't a bad idea (or staying in a hotel for you); but I think it is obvious you know a lot about this man and he you - if any betrayal or secrets were to come out/if he just wanted to use you, it is likely it would have been obvious by now. It is because of this that I say, go ahead an meet him, but do it safely.
Take the chance on love. You never know what it may bring you. If not a lifelong partner, than a lesson you can carry with you for the rest of your life.
Good luck! Whatever you do, don't create an impenetrable blockade around your heart. Think like a semipermeable membrane :)
I don't think what you're experiencing is love. I don't think it's possible to be in love with someone you've never met. It's incredibly easy to pretend to be whoever you want over the internet, how can you even be sure he's who you think he is? Before you convince yourself that you love him, I really think you need to meet him first and get to know him face to face.
Could it also be that you're lonely for companionship? And he's just filling the missing void in your life?