I’ve come to you guys because I'm super worried if this is insane or not
First off: Would you think its was crazy and stupid if a friend or family member told you they had been communicating with a person for 13 months and really think they are in love with them and will soon go meet the person?
Second: Do you think its all possible to be in love with someone you've never met face to face?
I became member of this site a little over a year ago About a month after I joined I started corresponding with a man that had answered a few of my questions the first day we emailed back and forth for 6 hr Now I'm not usually a very talkative person and I don't open up to a lot of people because of growing up in foster care but I found him to be the easiest person to talk to and was very comfortable/able to open up to him almost immediately We began to email back and forth for hours every day most times staying up until dawn talking to each other about every topic you can think of After 2 mos of emailing we began to call each other and we both admitted that we were really starting to like each other as more then friends We continued to call each other every day and night spending 6-7 hrs on the phone just talking sharing our past/present lives and plans for the future I could talk to him about anything we talked politics sports music serious stuff past relationship and many other things We eventually decided to consider ourselves a couple and make serious plans to meet, 8 mos in he starts to talk about marriage and a serious life together and me moving to his state I found out then that I have an absolutely huge fear of commitment and change I found myself finding every little reason that it was not possible to be in love with him and that I was stupid and an idiot for even thinking of flying to meet a man that I had met online so I broke up with him saying some very mean and nasty things
A month or so later I feel the depression I faced in my teen years return and I sink lower and lower, I pick up an old habit of smoking weed to deal with the depression Flash forward, December when I take a look at my past year and I decide to start fixing things that are wrong in my life and I realize that I blamed him for every problem with us that I had made up to cover my real problems so I write a super long apology letter and he responds to it xmas day We begin to talk again like we used to and not a month later my feelings 4 him are back and stronger than ever You know how they say that a person will know when they find the ONE well I really think he is my ONE I have been happier in a few weeks then I have in mos I smile at the idea of one day marrying him instead of running in fear I want to tell my family about him and the fact that I do plan on meeting him soon whether its him flying to me or me going to him I'm very worried that they are going to think I am nuts and not accept the idea I just want to be with him, and have my family be ok with it
Most Helpful Girl
I don't think that's nuts at all to fall in love with someone who you have talked to everyday for over a year. You probably know more about each other than most people will ever know about each other.
I think the problem that you need to consider is that if you have a fear of commitment, seeing him in person is only going to ramp up that fear even more. So you probably need to decide now, based on what you know of him, to give it time to see if it can work in person.
One of the things that seems to happen is that if the guy sees pictures of you and hears your heart over the phone then he pretty much isn't going to fall out of love with you if you are awkward in person or don't say the right thing everytime. That is sadly not true with many women I know. They met a guy online, fall for him, and then when they met him in person, even if they saw a picture of him, if he isn't as smooth as he was on the phone or he seems awkward, or he doesn't talk as much, she puts the breaks on it. One woman I know talked to 2 or 3 different men, each for around 8 months before meeting them and then when she met them in person, she just didn't feel a "spark". Then after that she made sure to met someone a few weeks in to make sure they clicked. I really think this is sad that women do this but I also understand it. We get so focused on body language and things like that, that sparks mean so much to us.
The other trap of women is that when they meet the spark is so red hot they throw good sense out the window and make commitments they shouldn't have been making. A friend of mine married a man after knowing him only a month online. He seemed decent and all his friends and family praised him. Now that they are married she deals with his alcoholism, hateful words, and general lack of concern about her.
The point is, give it some time after you met him. If the spark isn't there, allow for some time for it to try and grow. If the spark is there, use that time to see what he is like with others. And don't ignore massive red flags. Not the little "I'm afraid of commitment" red flags that pick up stupid things like "He always puts his clothes on in a particular order! That's got to mean something!" I mean the fact that he has 4 beers at dinner and then wants to stop for another before the movie red flags.
What you heard online for the past year was his heart, not his reality. Everything he said (and you said) was your interpretation of the world around you. His mom could seem like a lovely woman and end up being a manic depressant. It's important to use the time to learn if the heart you fell in love with is anything close to how he lives his life.
And the way your family will accept this is through your good sense. If you show that you are being smart about it, a rational person will accept it in time. If you run off and marry the guy after a week of being with him, prepare for your family to disapprove. And a lot of pain dealing with them.