Do you think it's crazy to fall in love with someone you've never met face to face?

I’ve come to you guys because I'm super worried if this is insane or not

First off: Would you think its was crazy and stupid if a friend or family member told you they had been communicating with a person for 13 months and really think they are in love with them and will soon go meet the person?

Second: Do you think its all possible to be in love with someone you've never met face to face?

back story

I became member of this site a little over a year ago About a month after I joined I started corresponding with a man that had answered a few of my questions the first day we emailed back and forth for 6 hr Now I'm not usually a very talkative person and I don't open up to a lot of people because of growing up in foster care but I found him to be the easiest person to talk to and was very comfortable/able to open up to him almost immediately We began to email back and forth for hours every day most times staying up until dawn talking to each other about every topic you can think of After 2 mos of emailing we began to call each other and we both admitted that we were really starting to like each other as more then friends We continued to call each other every day and night spending 6-7 hrs on the phone just talking sharing our past/present lives and plans for the future I could talk to him about anything we talked politics sports music serious stuff past relationship and many other things We eventually decided to consider ourselves a couple and make serious plans to meet, 8 mos in he starts to talk about marriage and a serious life together and me moving to his state I found out then that I have an absolutely huge fear of commitment and change I found myself finding every little reason that it was not possible to be in love with him and that I was stupid and an idiot for even thinking of flying to meet a man that I had met online so I broke up with him saying some very mean and nasty things

A month or so later I feel the depression I faced in my teen years return and I sink lower and lower, I pick up an old habit of smoking weed to deal with the depression Flash forward, December when I take a look at my past year and I decide to start fixing things that are wrong in my life and I realize that I blamed him for every problem with us that I had made up to cover my real problems so I write a super long apology letter and he responds to it xmas day We begin to talk again like we used to and not a month later my feelings 4 him are back and stronger than ever You know how they say that a person will know when they find the ONE well I really think he is my ONE I have been happier in a few weeks then I have in mos I smile at the idea of one day marrying him instead of running in fear I want to tell my family about him and the fact that I do plan on meeting him soon whether its him flying to me or me going to him I'm very worried that they are going to think I am nuts and not accept the idea I just want to be with him, and have my family be ok with it

  • It's not even possible to fall in love like that,it's absolutely insane!!!!!
    40% (53)43% (33)41% (86)Vote
  • No, it's possible and not at all crazy, go for it, take a chance on him
    60% (78)57% (44)59% (122)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
Well guys the answer is definitely YES a thousand times yes...needless to say the guy and I are now happily married.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think that's nuts at all to fall in love with someone who you have talked to everyday for over a year. You probably know more about each other than most people will ever know about each other.

    I think the problem that you need to consider is that if you have a fear of commitment, seeing him in person is only going to ramp up that fear even more. So you probably need to decide now, based on what you know of him, to give it time to see if it can work in person.

    One of the things that seems to happen is that if the guy sees pictures of you and hears your heart over the phone then he pretty much isn't going to fall out of love with you if you are awkward in person or don't say the right thing everytime. That is sadly not true with many women I know. They met a guy online, fall for him, and then when they met him in person, even if they saw a picture of him, if he isn't as smooth as he was on the phone or he seems awkward, or he doesn't talk as much, she puts the breaks on it. One woman I know talked to 2 or 3 different men, each for around 8 months before meeting them and then when she met them in person, she just didn't feel a "spark". Then after that she made sure to met someone a few weeks in to make sure they clicked. I really think this is sad that women do this but I also understand it. We get so focused on body language and things like that, that sparks mean so much to us.

    The other trap of women is that when they meet the spark is so red hot they throw good sense out the window and make commitments they shouldn't have been making. A friend of mine married a man after knowing him only a month online. He seemed decent and all his friends and family praised him. Now that they are married she deals with his alcoholism, hateful words, and general lack of concern about her.

    The point is, give it some time after you met him. If the spark isn't there, allow for some time for it to try and grow. If the spark is there, use that time to see what he is like with others. And don't ignore massive red flags. Not the little "I'm afraid of commitment" red flags that pick up stupid things like "He always puts his clothes on in a particular order! That's got to mean something!" I mean the fact that he has 4 beers at dinner and then wants to stop for another before the movie red flags.

    What you heard online for the past year was his heart, not his reality. Everything he said (and you said) was your interpretation of the world around you. His mom could seem like a lovely woman and end up being a manic depressant. It's important to use the time to learn if the heart you fell in love with is anything close to how he lives his life.

    And the way your family will accept this is through your good sense. If you show that you are being smart about it, a rational person will accept it in time. If you run off and marry the guy after a week of being with him, prepare for your family to disapprove. And a lot of pain dealing with them.

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    • I think this is really the best answer by far. +1

    • Show All
    • Hisangel, thanks for all the dreat advice, and I'm being careful about when and where I'm meeting him, it turns out his army base is only about an hour away from where my sister lives and I will be visiting her in march so she is going to come into DC with me to meet him for lunch and then I'm taking him site seeing so we will be in public all the time

    • Good deal. I hope it works out for you. :)

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What Guys Said 20

  • [ Here's the only relevant information to this question ]

    - "You know how they say that a person will know when they find the ONE well I really think he is my ONE I have been happier in a few weeks then I have in mos I smile at the idea of one day marrying him "

    - (You) "...have been communicating with a person for 13 months"

    What more needs to be said? I can't change your mind on the subject. I would recommend approaching cautiously because LDR's can be a very brutal awakening to the true character of someone. It's easy to "be fake from afar". I don't think he is being fake, but use your judgement and feel out the situation

    Best regards,

    ArtistBBoy

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  • Not at all. Uncommon? Certainly but definitely not crazy. I think there's a lot of stigma over internet romance seeing as, technically speaking, it's not real romance because you aren't face to face. There's also the problem of being in love or infatuated with the idea of the person you're making out in your mind as to what you're getting first hand.

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  • No it's not crazy at all. One of my favorite girls in the world is someone I've never met in person. But I'm more in synch with her than anyone really.

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  • of cours you can fall in love without ever actually meeting the person.u had to remember, your naturally yourself when sitting at home in front of the computer miles away from whoeva ur tlking to. ur a lot more confident and relaxed so you naturally have a lot more to say.

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  • A lot of times when corresponding with people in text form most of the context of each conversation is lost. Things like intentions, sarcasm, hesitation, body language, and other things are simply impossible to know. What people do in that instance is fill those things in themselves as to whatever it may seem they're looking for. After that initial character judgment is made about them, it follows through with whatever they say afterwards. Most females and a lot of males have a scenario that they've gone through in their head with the results they're looking for already decided on before any romantic situation they're going into. The psychology and interactions can be changed and distorted based on these predisposed confrontations.

    My point being. You've decided what he was to you a long time ago. Him wanting you is the same as him wanting whatever person he's filled in with his anticipation. You can't be sure about it. What you need to do is date him as if you're meeting him for the first time. Don't use what he's said as pretense to what you do going forward.

    As for the falling in love thing... It's said that love is the anticipation of the stimulation of the emotions one are addicted to. Whatever emotions you've felt most in life that's had the biggest impact on you are the emotions you're going to look for, whether they're good or bad, and they will shape your decisions. If you follow your "heart" you'll end up just as happy as you are now. If you want your life to be different, make a reasoned, logical, decision about this guy and do whatever yields the most positive results. Not one based on fantasy, or what you will get, but what you're able to get, and whether or not you're willing to take it.

    This guy may be good or bad, honest or a liar, playing with you or actually wanting you... It's a coin flip, you'll never be certain. Go out to see him yourself, but more importantly, look out for yourself, what you're getting out of the situation, and not confusing that with what you hope to get, and get to know him for the first time again with a clear head. You'll be just fine. Go for it.

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What Girls Said 23

  • Crystal...

    You've received some great advice here...lots of thorough answers so far.

    I've been through a year-long internet romance which ended about a month ago...and I supposedly "know" what I'm doing, being over 40, and having all of this life experience, right? ;)

    If I can contribute anything of value, it would be one statement: LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.

    I apologize if this sounds harsh, and I mean it only to be factual and helpful, but your approach is one easily identified as classic co-dependent behavior. I would know, having experienced this most of my life, and doing my best to manage it.

    (google the word co-dependent behavior and you will see definitions and most likely websites and stories).

    The typical co-dependent is lacking in self-esteem, and is somewhat emotionally vulnerable. She looks for validation from others for self worth...(friends, lovers, etc). The co-d person also thinks that she is helping others and just loving for the purity of the emotion, but inside her head, she knows that if she shows him love, attention, affection, she will get the desired response back (love in return, admiration, compliments, etc) which makes her feel good and valued.

    When the other person does not return the emotional needs, the co-d becomes threatened, insecure, and even frustrated, and tries harder and with more means to attain that emotional security/bond.

    My friend, you are co-dependent. It's not a disease. It's a behavior. That's all. It needs to be managed. I know you can do it. Start out by visiting "www.soberrecovery.com". It's an addiction website, but they have co-dependent forums that allow you to read others posts, and post anonymously to get support from others in the same boat.

    I would venture to guess that you are not happy with the way you look (figure, hair, whatever), and are not immersed in a fulfilling job/career, and don't have a passionate life focus yet...so this guy and the things that surround him are YOUR WORLD right now...Understood, but it's NOT OK long term.

    The first step is acknowledging that this back and forth intensity with this guy isn't completely real...its, like some of the others said, embellished by your own desires to create the optimum scenario. That's OK. We all do it. No shame involved. We all want to be loved and to love another. Long talks are wonderful and you can build a trust and adoration for this guy, but it's not a substitute for respecting yourself, and being happy with who you are, alone.

    Be patient. Love who you are. If there are things about you that you would like to improve or refine, spend your energy doing this for a while, and sooner than you know it, you will be giving off positive, healthy vibes that will attract other men around you, and you just might be pleasantly surprised at how wonderful you really are.

    Hugs, and good luck.

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    • I try to be very cautious about what I say when commenting on someone else's advice cause I know mine is far from perfect and it's just my experience. But I have a hard time with this. It seems that maybe you might be judging this young lady through your own goggles of co-dependency. You heard co-dependency, I heard someone who fell for a guy and spent all her time with the person like most people do. Then out of fear of commitment, not out of co-dependency, she left him...

    • And then realized she really cared for him.

      I've have known true co-dependents. Like, staying with a drug addict/abuser, co-dependents. This young lady doesn't register as one. I can't say she is or isn't for sure but I just didn't think it was fair to label her from a 3 paragraph question.

    • That was so smart, too bad not everybody here can understand what you wrote. I'll make sure to include this in any futuristic article I'd write on this issue, after taking your permission first ;)

  • I voted take a chance because I will almost always tell people to take a chance on love. I think too many times we hide our hearts and our feelings away and it only does injustice to us and our loved ones. In any case, I fell in love with my husband before meeting him in person. We knew each other for nearly six years before meeting in person. We met online when we were in our very early teens and were best friends for a long time before deciding to make it official. We pretty well knew that we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together even before we met (and after dating for nine months), and meeting only confirmed this for the both of us. It is hard, and the dynamics of the relationship change in person. You will find yourselves met with whole new obstacles.

    I think - you do need to keep yourself safe - so meeting in a public area or even taking a friend with you isn't a bad idea (or staying in a hotel for you); but I think it is obvious you know a lot about this man and he you - if any betrayal or secrets were to come out/if he just wanted to use you, it is likely it would have been obvious by now. It is because of this that I say, go ahead an meet him, but do it safely.

    Take the chance on love. You never know what it may bring you. If not a lifelong partner, than a lesson you can carry with you for the rest of your life.

    Good luck! Whatever you do, don't create an impenetrable blockade around your heart. Think like a semipermeable membrane :)

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  • I'm late to the game but I'm still going to answer. It's not impossible and to some (if not many) it will be regarded as taboo. I am getting married on Saturday to my "one" that I met online 7 years ago. We were friends before anything. We met each other face to face and found our bond was even stronger. We have been living together for nearly 2 years and have a daughter. Life is amazing. I never would have thought that I could or would get married to someone I met on the internet. Now, I caution you about jumping into marriage so quickly because you have no idea what it will be like when you are face to face or even living with one another. Do not rush into the whole marriage thing.

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    • Congratulations and thanks for the great advice, It feels great too know that it does work out with relationships like these sometimes. and don't worry I don't plan on it (rushing the marriage thing)

  • yes! I think that is crazy. I had an aunt that met a girl she had been talking with from the counrty marraco and she said she fell in love with him. She went there and married him & he came back after a couple months. and after a year of living here and being with her, he got his green card and left her, point is you never really know who the person really is. they can say anything to you and tell you what you wanna here just so you go and meet them and sometimes, most of the time its not who you thought they were. its not safe and you shouldn't fall in love with someone you don't know in person & maybe you think that you love them but when you finally meet them and live with them there may be something they do that you hate! then the relationship wouldn't work and it would be a waste of your time. well I would tell your family know it would be hard but you have to do it. and if you really ask me I would say find someone that doesn't live that far away from you and talk to them instead of someone you don't know at all. you may say you found the one but there's plenty of thoes guys around, trust me.

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    • I agree with this. Meeting people online can work out but there are so many risks involved. The people who rated your answer down must all be in denial.

  • I think it's possible to fall in love with someone you've never met face to face based solely on what they tell you, but that doesn't mean it will work in person. Even if they are completely honest, it's not the same as having them there. Meeting them face to face could change the relationship. I wouldn't say that relationships like that can't work out, because some do, but I think they have to be taken slowly.

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