How can I make him fall in love with me again?

i dated my ex for two was going great. We loved each other very much. He would call me 20 times a day to say hi, he introduced me to his mom and told her (a year into our relationship) he was getting serious about me. He is from another culture so being introduced to his mom was something special.

Let me just say that I've been told by my therapist that I'm a perfectionist and that it gets in the way of my social life. That being said I can safely say I truly believe the reason for the break up. Throughout our relationship I tried changing him and nagged at him to make things better. I realize that now I truly loved him for who he was. I have been on a few dates and know I liked him for who he was. I'm not sure if he was the one, but I would love to give it a second shot.

ANYWAY..Two months before my birthday we started fighting more and more because of my constant nagging. At the time I didn't realize what I was doing. I kept telling him I was done over and over and over again. I was frustrated because he wasn't acting like he used to. He was pushing me away and I could see it. But who wouldn't push someone away who kept trying to change them and "perfect" them. Finally, we fought one day and it blew up to the point where he wanted a break. He told me he didn't want a relationship right now and that he didn't know if he loved me. Then the next day he called to wish me a happy birthday and said I don't want you to think anything of this. How can I not? He would call me throughout the week at work but when he know I wasn't there and talk to my friend and ask her how I was and when I was working. I thought that was weird. So I kept trying to call him and finally I got through to him. He came and talked to me and that is when he told me he doesn't know if he loves me and doesn't want a relationship right now. WHAT?! I didn't get it. I wouldn't leave him alone. I did all the wrong things: texting, calling, driving by his house and job, stopping there when he was working to talk to him. This pushed him even farther away to the point he won't even talk to me anymore. I know he cares about me and at the moment he doesn't love me to the point he would date me.

But do you think that if I left him alone that sometime in the future he would call me? I don't expect it anytime soon but I am just curious on opinions.

I know that I have now dated a few guys and know that I love him for who he is. I want to show him I can do that and get that look he used to give me. I feel like he got fed up with the fighting which is understandable. But we had a bad break up so I want to wait a few months and try calling him again if he doesn't call me. But is there a chance? can I make him fall in love with me again? I don't want to force anything but I want it back. I know things won't be the same..but I want him back in my life again. PLEASE HELP


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds like things got too out of hand. What I think you need to do, is wait more. You've already gone through the stages in which you've dated, and now understand that this is the right person for you. Now what you need to do is not seem so desperate as you've said. It's time for him to think things through, and give you a call.

    If anything I'd email him or something. Something less intrusive. Because people need time to heal from things, we can't always be on the same terms within the healing process. It sounds to me that he's still in that process, and who knows how long that process is going to take. But in the mean time wait it out, and if he truly cares about you, then he'll call. But the one thing I can't tell you, is how long to wait, that's really up to you to decide.

    Now to answer your other question... Is there still a chance? It really depends on how he feels, and how grounded he is within his love for you. In some way I think things can work out, because everything in life has it's downs, but also has it's ups, in which we can overcome things. But of course that again depends on people as a whole, depending on how much streath people have to work things out again, and again. Love is very strong, and depending upon the person, and how much affect that love has on the person, depends upon the actions that will be taken.

    Things will work out in the end, I promise... I hope I've answered your question, and I hope things work out... Much Love

    • So I need help, :( you seem to be the most helpful out of all the times I've asked this question. I want to write him a letter and email it to him. but I'm not sure.....

What Guys Said 7

  • leave him tried turning him into someone he wasn't...anyone would be turned away because basically what you were saying by trying to change him is saying "i like you but in order for me to love you, you need to change things" no one likes that kind of one wants to know that you want him to change to be "better" or make it seem that way even though you didn't realize what you were doing...of course there is a CHANCE you guys will get back together - like I said with my ex (we broke up with a little over 2 months ago) if its meant to be it will be...i guess she's currently "seeing" someone going out on dates - all of which I wish I never knew, she told me because she thought I wouldn't leave her alone(when really I just responded to her texts, calls) I don't know it was weird...but anyways back to you basically showed him by your actions you weren't satisfied with who he was, even tho you really were, that's how anyone would take you telling him he had to change things about himself...i mean if you told him to stop smoking, that's one thing, but if you said you gotta do this and that, something that makes him feel you don't like him for who he is, its going to push him away...give him SPACE, consistantly but SLOWLY show him you still care...txt him now and then saying "thinking of you" or "hey I just say blah blah on tv, remember that one time we..." bring up good memories, remind him that you care and love him, but you've got to give him time to think about you two...u hurt him, he's going to need time to think, give him that time, but id say in a 2-3 weeks say hey, how are you, I've been thinking about you a lot or something...youve got to show him you didn't mean for him to change and that you really do love him for who he is as a person. don't even bring up past things that you may fight about...try to move forward and live for the future...SHOW HIM YOU CARE ABOUT HIM, if its meant to be it will be...but please take it slowly

  • WHen two people are in love, and there is a nagging issue that bothers him, he tries to ignore it although he feels bad about it. As time goes by, a point comes when his feelings die and he breaks off.

    This is what happened to him. It is impossible for him to get those feelings back with you.

    One good has come out of this that you have understood your problem. This will help you improve yourself.

    Move on. Eventually, you will meet some one with whom things will work out.

    Keep in touch with your ex as a friend. You never know!

  • You were obviously trying to help him, but some people have a point where (if they're not willing to change) they just get sick of getting pushed.

    I would give it some more time, but just trust your gut instinct on it, and do what you feel is best. Good luck!

    • Thanks. I just hope he doesn't think I'm crazy. :( I want him back very badly

  • Give up. Move on. You can't make someone fall in love with you. It just . . happens. and if it stops, it NEVER goes back to the same kind of love.

  • Without reading to the end, I knew my answer after I read your inital question. You simply cannot make somebody love you...and the harder you try to make that happen, the less chance you actually have of it working.

    • I realize this. so should I leave him alone. the question is have I burned my chances? I'm sure he won't call me anytime soon if at all. it's been a month since the final..break up so to speak. he tried in the beginning of december and I begged him to try and we did but it didn't work...i have contacted him twice since the final break. so I'm curious if in a few months he'll talk to me again :(

    • Likely no. More time that passes without you, the more comfortable he is without you. I had this happen to me once, but I was the one who broke up. I thought about getting back together for a few weeks, then couple months...but I didnt, and the more time that passed the less I thought about getting back together

  • Just relax and take it easy. You must overcome the desperation to get back together with him, for a balanced relationship.

    Desperation for someone is like an addiction. It is not healthy. Do not be afraid of loneliness, do not be afraid to be on your own.

    Get over this strong urge to get back together. And after you feel more stable, and less upset, then see how you feel about the whole thing.

    Do not panic. Life is not over.

    You have not done anything wrong. You are absolutely normal.


What Girls Said 8

  • Funnny how all the guys are like, " it's cool, just take it slow, relax everyone is human including you.. " & The girls are like "YOu screwed up, no more chance for you. You are lucky if he does not put up a picture of you en labeled PSYCHO .. Too judge mental, & the thing is, my overt reaction would have been something to the effect of, ' I do not know if he will come back, but you are not horrible or anything just did not harmonize,' but I would be fighting my inner thinking " Boy is gonna be freaked FOR A LONG time."

    NOw I am not sure... I like the guys answers , & I hope everyone could be that understanding, but I am not sure everyone is that mature unfortunately ^

    Ughh, I hate al this junk - not you, it haha.

    I guess you could figure out like some one mentioned, would YOU be okay with him, or would you feel compromised... YOU guys just may not be right together , that does not mean YOU ARE WRONG^ Did HE SAY you were trying to change him, or did yo recognize this yourself?

    Good Luck!

  • I can't really think of anything you can do here other than maybe try writing him a letter to explain how you feel? that way he doesn't have to feel preassured into seeing/speaking to you, he doesn't need to respond and he can read it in his own time.

    • my mouth is filled with laughter because of the help Dr.Okaka place on me my ex boyfriend just come back to me after dumping me for my close friend,his spell opened his eyes to see how much I loved him,thanks for your spell that you did for me.if you are in my same situation you can reach him at thank you I will never forget you.

  • This may not be the answer you wanna hear, but people don't fundamentally change there are areas in which people can improve their lives and whatnot don't get me wrong...

    But if you were with him for 2 years you will either continue to treat him this way or, your relationship will be constrained by your already irrational behavior, more then likely.

    Having said that though, there might be hope for you guys in the future too, but you have a lot of growing up to do before that would happen, as vikram said, relax and take it easy and work on yourself before you work on a relationship.

    Keep your head up.

  • Im going thru the same thing my boyfriend wanted a break and I kept calling and texting and then he told me to stop talkin to him a couple days later a called him back course he answers whenever I call cause I know he still loves me. But doesn't want a relationship with me at the moment I was doing everything you did and it drove him away just give him sometime and he will eventually realize he made a mistake and will come back trust me my babys daddy left me and wanted me back told me he would never want me back... Now he does but I'm in love with matt the guy who wanted a break so I'm giving matt some time to cool off then he will call me and if he doesn't call me in a week then I will call him. Don't chase him make him chase you so stop all contact with him or your going to drive him to the point where he changes his phone number and blocks you online.

  • i know exactly what you're going through. I'm going through the same thing at the same time.But PLUS a new girlfriend in his life.
    But here's all I have to say. At this point you're not getting back together. And being persistant isn't going to bring him back(as you said it only pushed him away) So really all you *can* do is wait. And hope he'll start remembering what you had. There aren't any other options, unfortunately.

    Maybe wait a couple weeks and if he still hasn't called you.. call him. Ask him what's up, say you were just wondering how he was.. but don't bring up the relationship, keep it just plain friendly. And hopefully that leads to friendship. And hopefully that leads to the relationship you had before.

    This is my plan anyway :/ so I'm hoping it works.
    I've researched ways to get back exes for a couple months now.. and that's what I've come up with.

    • Thanks. yea me too..i searched and searched and searched. so I sent an email the other day. because it's been 4 months. I know he doesn't want me but I would like to be friends and if not oh well his loss.. :(

  • He doesn't want to your boyfriend.

  • In my opinion, you've pretty much screwed yourself out of any chances with him. You were a nag and then a stalker. Guys don't forget stuff like that and most people know that people don't change that much either. If you had not flipped out on him after the break, maybe there was a chance, but not after all of that.

    What you need to do is learn from this before you end up in another relationship so you don't make the same mistakes again. You honestly don't even know that you could be satisfied with your ex. You may not be being honest with yourself about his faults and whether you could actually be happy with a guy who is who he is. I am sure he is a great guy for someone, but that someone may not be you. You need to really recognize what are deal breakers for you, you cannot nag anyone, man, woman or child, into changing themselves. You can only tell them what is important to you, accept them if they cannot change (even if you think they can do it) and if who they are is not going to work for you, you need to move on.

    Oh, and never, ever flip out on someone after a break-up. You probably realize this now, but it will give you psycho status to the ex, his friends, and maybe even your friends and it never, ever brings them back. Sorry for being so blunt, but it is what it is. Good luck!

  • Yes Hun Leave him alone, give him some breathing room. Don't call him AT ALL for awhile and he will wonder why you havent, and therefore will call you. You can prove to him that you are not a nagging sort of girl and are now giving him the space he wants. He can't miss you if you are around all the time. But Kudos to you for realizing the problem and being able to try and sort it out. That is very mature of you.