My boyfriend's lack of affection hurts me?

I have to begin by reassuring everyone that I want nothing more than to be with this guy. He's absolutely perfect, except for one detail: He's not affectionate at all. He's told me a few times that he loves me, but he doesn't like to say it very often. He hates when I say it, and he just doesn't show his affection very well. When I try to bring it up he just says, "That's just the way I am, I'm not very affectionate. You already know how I feel about you".

The problem is, I worry that at some point he's going to stop feeling like that and I won't know... I am a bit insecure, I suppose.

How do we resolve this? Any suggestions on how to talk to him? Thank you!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't understand the whole "compromise" thing.

    This is about your insecurities and your problems - why does he have to do something about it? I would understand if he started off affectionate and it stopped, but you've known this about him and still became his girlfriend. It doesn't seem really fair that you expect him to change to satisfy whatever insecurities you have.

    If you're unsure about his love, don't you think that that is a problem YOU need to work on? Despite his very honest explanation the fact that you're still unhappy tells me you have bigger problems that have nothing to do with how your boyfriend behaves. And if you continue to push this, you're going to lose him.

    I think instead of changing him, you need to change yourself and work on your own perceptions of who has responsibilities for what in this relationship. He's giving you everything he's got, and all you must have expected - to ask for more is selfish and unthoughtful in my opinion.

    Good luck.


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What Guys Said 3

  • How can he be "perfect", yet not affectionate at all?

  • If you want more affection try rewarding it when he does it hopefuly he will do more of it as opposed to nagging him about it, its anoying and controlling...

  • Accept him as he is, don't try and change him you control freak, if its a deal break find someone else...


What Girls Said 2

  • Well everyone has their own individual way that they show affection:acts of service affirmation,gifts, quality time, or physical touch...aka(5 love languages). If the two of you

    want this to work out then you are going to have to sit down and really try to work it out

    and talk about what you really need. Typically if they don't seem very affectionate then they are

    probably more into doing things for you to show they care or buying things. Just let him know you need to know he cares and you need him to show it emotionally. This will either solve it... or you will see that you just are not right for each other. As in any relationship... I believe any relationship can work, but it depends on how badly both people want it to work. I hope this helps.

    • What she said.

      If he cares for you he will help work with you to find a compromise you can both live with. If he sticks to the arrogant, 'this is me take it or leave it' then leave it. He's not seeing to your emotional needs, there's lots of guys out there who will and not make you feel guilty for asking for it or needing it.

  • In my opinion, no man likes to show public affection because they feel it will make them less of a man or possibly whipped. There has to be a reason why he is acts the way he does, not as he says ts just the I am. With the affection, does he only show it when you two are alone, or does he act the same? If it bothers you a great deal then of course you will have to tell him how you feel. Not just that it bothers you. For example tell him to feel you have a secure relationship there needs to be more I love yous and affection, and tell him you worry that with the little I love yous and affection you get now, won't occur in the future. Also express to him that a relationship works 2 ways not one way.