I've been dating my girlfriend for about three months. Last night, we started to talk about the direction of our relationship. She thought things were moving too fast, and she wanted to go back to the "dating" stage, where we date each other and not get into all the "i love you" stuff. Neither of us have said we loved each other yet, although we both said we were falling in love with each other.
Anyways, she wanted to go back to that stage in our relationship, which I agreed to because I want to be with her. What does this mean for my relationship?
Most Helpful Guy
From my expereince this type of "we're moving too fast" conversation comes from the person in the relationship who's feeling pressured for more then they want to give.
You're likely losing her attraction for you.
And since attraction isn't a choice it's your job to regain it. And fast!
My best advice would be the following:
1) Learn how attraction works and how to create and maintain it: link
2) Immediately give her the gift of missing you. She's telling you she wants space to breath so give it to her. Call her less, text her less, and be less available. So if you see her 4 times a week, only see her twice a week. Dating basically means once or twice a week anyways, so find that sweet spot and stay there until she begs to see you more.
This isn't to punish her, it's to help her miss you, and to help add potency to the time you DO spend together.
3) Do less talking with her, about feelings and crap, and spend more time DOING things. Going out, eating out, being out. She needs to remember how FUN you are, instead of how smart you are.
4) Figure out how you're acting needy (this would be my guess as to what's making her slow things down) and stop doing them. The most usual suspects are the following:
- talking about feelings and expectations of the relationship
- too many compliments (don't put her on a pedestal)
- begging to spend more time together
- acting/being jealous
- giving her endless gifts and attention
- asking her questions like, "How do you feel about me? What do you wish I would do for you?"
Being needy turns women off. So even if you're head over heels for this girl you need to dampen down this type of behavior. It's okay to let your girlfriend know how important she is to you, but don't say it with words... say it with your behavior. Take care of her but give her space to breath.
50 Don't panic. She's not leaving you.
Too often I see guys start to panic when they think they're losing their girlfriend so they start to smother her in attention and affection, but this only pushes her away faster.
Instead you need to realize your OWN value and accept that she wants what ever she wants. That's not for you to control. All you can control is how awesome or terrible you act when around her. So be awesome.
Hope this helps you get started down the right path dude!
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