How do I deal with getting dumped AGAIN? What am I supposed to think?

Advice from anyone who has been dumped?

I feel like such a failure. I have never been with a guy for more than a month because for one reason or another, things fall apart, and its usually because I don't want to sleep with them right away. Due to my short term flings, I have remained a virgin because I haven't trusted any of the guys enough to lose it to them yet.

I thought I was dating the perfect guy. I thought everything was going great until after Valentine's day. He came back to my room (it was our third date but we had been talking for about a month) and we didn't have sex.

The car ride after dinner to my dorm he was holding my hand, kissing it, kissing me at stop lights, telling me I was special. And then after we only made out, he hadn't been the same since.

Yesterday he dumped me, and said it was because we were different people with different passions and interests. I feel like the lack of sex was the problem.

What is wrong with me? I can't figure out what I am doing wrong to make all of these things fall apart to quickly. I feel humiliated and embarrassed.

Does anyone else relate to this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Life's tough sugar cakes. But the good news is you're still young. At this age guys usually only care about sex anyway. They know nothing about girls, next to nothing about themselves and they can't think straight becuase their hormones are screaming directly into their brain like they were standing next to the speakers at a rock concert "F*** F*** F***!"

    How can you expect anyone to focus attention on anything long enough to think straight with all that going on? I respect you wanting to keep your virginity for someone who's earned it, but you have to accept the fact that you are a minority. Whether you like it or not guys will dump you for it, and frankly they'll dump you for any stupid thing. Why? because at this stage guys are not looking for a long term relationship, they don't even understand the concept.

    My best advice to you at this point is to really learn yourself. Suffer through these younger years by just going out, having fun, making friends and completing the picture of who you are. That way if you do get rejected you can look at it objectively and say "doesn't matter, that guy wasn't going to work for me anyway". And now you have the power, and it's you being selective.

    However, if you just can't wait to get it overwith and are dying for companionship, you might want to try an older guy. They tend to be much more patient, much more understanding, and certainly much more experienced. They aren't there just to pump and dump and they aren't going to pressure you for sex like a horny immature jock will. They will listed to what you have to say, care about who you are and make you feel important. Just a suggestion.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Stick to what you are doing. I promise you there are very good guys out there that will completely respect your decision, and even care for you more because of it. Honestly the guys you are with do not sound like they are looking for a relationship yet. Take the time to find a man who really cares about you enough to wait. :)

  • You know what the problem is.

    it's the 21st century.

    Most guys expect sex to at least be on the cards early in the dating game.

    You're self-excluding yourself from the game, because you want to have your virginity cake and eat it. That's your choice. But don't make it, and then start wondering why you have to deal with the consequences.

    • i just don't see why I should HAVE to put out after 3 dates? I was actually planning on sleeping with him, but I was hoping to see him a couple more times first. I don't WANT to be a virgin. I just want to be exclusive with someone before I sleep with them, and we never got to the point where we agreed to be in a committed relationship.

    • And that's fair enough. You're free to wait as many dates as you like.

      But you don't get to avoid the consequences of your choice.

  • Nothing wrong with you. If a guy really likes you, he will be willing to wait. You're not even asking them to wait until marriage...just until you feel a connection and you're ready.

    There are nice (do not read as "boring") guys out there who will like you for everything you bring, not just for sex. And those are the guys that will place the same importance on the physical part of the relationship as you do.

    As a guy, we're given this unusual pressure from other guys to hook up with every girl we date right away. And if these guys are so weak-willed that this pressure is more important than you and what you want, then they don't deserve a damn thing from you.


What Girls Said 3

  • it happens! just take it as a learned lesson and move on

  • It's nice to see that there are other people out there who don't just put out immediately. I've been in your situation before. Basically, this guy I was with wanted to have sex on the second date. I wasn't ready for it because it was my first relationship, and I had to get used to the idea of being with a guy before having sex. Anyway, I told him how I felt, and he dumped me. What happened two months later? He came crawling back because he realized that he really did like me and that our relationship was about more than sex.

    Trust me when I say that the right guy will wait for you. And believe it or not, there are nice guys out there who are willing to wait. It's just that guys feel the need to jump into sex because it's expected of them. Let me tell you something, though. Guys might WANT girls to put out, but they don't respect the girls who do that. They treat them as sex objects. This is why it's important to make sure a guy is in a relationship because he genuinely loves and cares about you before having sex.

    Stick to your guns, girl. You deserve happiness, and you will get it one day. You only lose your virginity once, so it might as well be worth it. Also, as people before me have mentioned, giving away your virginity to a guy doesn't mean that he'll stay with you.

  • Good for you. Don't give it away to just anyone. That guy is a jerk and if that was the reason he dumped you then you are better off without him. There is nothing wrong with you! When the right guys or even nice guy who actually cares about you comes around they will understand why you want to wait. The hard part is noticing that. Its nice to see there are other girls out there who don't just put out immediately, just because you do doesn't guarantee the guy will like you and not dump you. Keep that in mind.