She says she needs space. What does this mean and what can I do?
I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half. Everything seemed to be going fine. We talked every day before going to bed and texted a bunch during the day. The plan was always that she was going to move to be with me after she graduated school. Now just this week she stopped texting and calling. When I finally got her on the phone she told me that she needed space and that she was concerned about how committed I was to her. I'm really confused because I don't feel that I have done anything to cause these feelings that she is having. I love this girl to death and she says that she still loves me. I thought that we were going to get married and be happy together. Now I feel like I'm going to lose her. What can I do?
It is just cowardly. Take it from me, a former player of this card, if I want to take a break I don't want to be with you. I may still like you. I may still be attracted to you. What I don't want is to be your girlfriend and that means we are broken up. It is done. We are kaput. Relationship over! Even if a girl still hangs around it doesn't really mean a thing. All it means is that she's 99% sure she doesn't want to be with you instead of being 100% there. She keeps you around as a back up plan; if she doesn't find someone better maybe she will come back to you but if she finds a guy whom she likes more she'll easily and without guilt let you go. When a girl or guy want to take a break what he/she really want is to know that you'll be waiting with open arms if they want to come back. That's what makes it so cowardly. She doesn't want you right now but she also doesn't want to risk losing you if she has a change of heart.
Sure, some people take breaks and get back together. It does happen but you shouldn't be holding out for it. You ask if she is just letting you down easy and my answer is, yes, definitely! She is letting you down easily but more importantly in her mind she is keeping the door to your relationship open by giving you a sense of hope that the break is only temporary.
Accept the inevitable...Its horrible and hard but the truth is you may very well lose her...Most people and particularly girls use the " I need space" thing as a way of gently breaking away from a relationship. It means " I care about you enough not to want to hurt you but I don't want this relationship any more"
All you can do is acquiesce gracefully but let her know...preferably in writing where you can organise your thoughts...exactly how you feel about her. Don't let her go without telling her how you feel...you would always regret it. At least if she does chose to finish the relationship she is making the choice knowing exactly how you feel for her.
I hope it works out and she proves me wrong...maybe sometimes "space" really does mean just that. Good Luck
i hear ya man. I'm same boat. I am with a girl who I love so much you wouldn't belive how much I am in love with this girl, known her for 12 years, we dated years ago but it didn't work out due to reasons I rather not discuss, but I will say it was all my fault it ended and I've not had a day go by where I have regreted it so much.
were together again now for about 5 months and things been great, really great. I moved in and everything and we were very much in love with each other, then recently I noticed a change in her. just little things at first that led to bigger more obvious things, so I asked about it, and she said she needed some space :( well I allways thought that when a girl says this to you, its going to end very soon. I hope this isn't the case, as I will kill myself with out her in my life. simple as that.
Just because a girl needs space, does not mean she is cheating or is evil. I feel that way currently in my relationship. It happens when you have only had one boyfriend or just aren't sure if the person you are with is the "one" for you. When a guy is saying how much he loves you or how much he wants to marry you it can sometimes get overwhelming and scary thinking about spending your entire life with that person. You may love them,but it's still a BIG step for a person. Just try to understand and it doesn't mean that she wants to break up either.
it amazes me how negative and suspicious people are of other people. Not one positive thig was said to this question-and you put all your fears and negativities into this person whose head is probabley spinning right now from all the ugliness you spurted at him. Wow-maybe she just needs space, and is nothing psotive or negative - just space - I get like that. I disapear from the world and no one hears from me-kinda recharging my batteries. I am nt cheating, or running around- usualy I am curled up at home with a cup of tea a really good book and an awesomely clean house. Wow-negative people - and we wonder why the world and its occupants are so messed up today?
shes probably thinking things are going a little to fast and wants to slow down speacilly if she's gonna have to make a big decision by moving to a diffrent city or state and the time is flying by that she might think that things might change once she moves in with you
"I need space" is really just a cowardly way of trying to have your cake and eat it too. I would take this as a red flag that this could be her way of saying she does not want to be in this relationship anymore.
That 's bad news my friend long distance relationships suck I know I've been in one before. She might have already found someone else who is there with her and can be there for her when your not, the whole I need space is her basically saying to you I am prob going to break up with you because either she found a new guy or she just doesn't want to handle the long distance thing. Best thing to do is give her space, cause if you don't then you will make things worse, if I were you I would flat out say ok so is there someone else youve been seing or you like? Or what is the deal? But if you really want to keep her then tell her that you like her appreciate her and know that its hard to keep the distance and your willing to work things out if she is. But like I said chances are she found someone else or just can't deal with the long distance sorry man, good luck
You may be right. Be wary of people who project their issues onto you. If you are being truthful then and you have been fully committed then her comment about 'your commitment' may be her problem. It's very hard to manage a distant relationship. A buddy of mine had the same girlfriend during his four years of our undergrad. Then she got accepted into grad school in Ohio. We were in L.A. He even lived in Columbus and flipped burgers for a semester because he wanted to show his support and commitment. After he left it didn't take long for her to get deeper into her grad culture. New learning, advanced degrees, higher potential income, and new men. It took her a while to admit, but she was doing the same as your friend. When he finally got to the bottom of things she had met another man and couldn't comment on it because she was confused for a time.
Give her the space she needs. Don't bother her. In fact you might be better off waiting for her to contact you for a time. Get busy with that project you've been talking about. If she loves you she'll be surprised you haven't called and she'll wonder what's up. Trust me letting go when they say 'I need my space' is a valuable tool as long as you don't express emotional need or hurt. Be confident in all you've done to let her know she's your girl and just lay off for a while.
Man, that girl is just evil..... but surely she knows how to play it! She's the one going cold and she blames it on you. "I need more space" --> You two are in a long distance relationship! Oh, the irony...
Shit!!~ She must be going out with other guys! You never know what she is doing there ey? So long distance relationship ain't very good because there always seems to be cheating going on between both parties, usually guys.
I've never been in a long distance relationship but what I would say what you can do if you can afford it is give her a surprise visit it would help bring yous closer together and give yous the chance you need to have a face to face talk and fall for each other again..it would be your best bet
Was in the same situation. What I learned from it was its best to let go, not because your mad or hurt, but because it gives her time to think what she is missing out on. See if a woman doesn't know what it is like for a good guy out of her life, how will she ever know to miss him. She needs to know what she is missing and in turn have her wanting you back. Love is tough to walk away from especially if she was the one you wanted to marry, but what can you do. Your limited to your choices. Its either you keep talking to her and become second best, or walk away and see if she misses you. Besides if she does miss you, its true love on both your parts, where as if she doesn't blink an eye, she wasn't the one for yea.
Just like crane said. Surprise visit! Maybe she's hiding something from you? Go up there unannounced and see how she acts. But if yall are in a long distant relationship then yall should be trying to get closer not apart?! Her saying she needs space is saying I wanna break up but in a sweet way so it doesn't hurt you as much.
To me it wouldn't surprise me if someone took your place or she just met somebody else this week she likes too.