So I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years...in the beginning he was sweet, always complimented me. But now he's constantly making fun of me, or saying things and always throwing in "oh I'm just joking" Sometimes it's funny, but I have problems with my confidence and I have been trying to work on it, and I just feel he is not helping. When I ask him not to make fun of me, he gets mad and says I don't know how to take a joke, it's not that I don't know how...it's the fact that he doesn't balance it out with good things..Why does he do this? And why can't he see that doing it all the time just isn't right? He is the type to joke around with everyone...but he says nice things about other girls..but not me...
Most Helpful Girl
My ex did that all the time. And at first it was funny and cute. And we laughed about it. Then he escalated it until my self esteem was horrible. I couldn't leave the house without him putting me down at least four times. But here's the thing: I was getting hit on literally everyday. After a while, I understood that it had nothing to do with me being inadequate, it had to do with my ex feeling inadequate. And before you start feeling sorry for him, please understand that it is exactly this cycle which leads to domestic violence. And eventually my ex ended up putting a hole through our wall because he was so frustrated with watching our one year old daughter for an hour.
Men that need to put you down, are not worth your time. They will try to damage you so much that you could never be with anyone else. It is about power and feeling in control of their lives. He jokes around with other people for the same reason: to establish his dominance over them. He says nice things about other girls for the same reason: he wants to insinuate that you don't have that much power over him. You don't need someone like that. You really are better off alone.
Oh, and he won't change. Really. He won't. It will get worse. You may have to see this for yourself to believe it, and I can hardly fault you for trying to bring out the best in someone else. But once you have seen the pattern for yourself, please do the smart thing and leave.