Should I just stop trying?

Okay, I'm not trying to brag or be cocky.. but I am cute, and I have an okay body... but all these guys go out with me because of what I look like... I try to become unattractive.. I actually try not to wear really tight clothing.. I just want to know what I can do to get an actual boyfriend.. not a friends with benefits.. If your going to give a rude answer/comment don't even bother please


Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys like sex. That's just the way it is. So you really got to get over it. I'm sorry but you're actually going to have to put forth some effort and be a good judge of character.

    Holding out on sex is a dumb strategy. You rule out any guy with an active sex drive. If you're aiming for guys with low libidos - there's your route.

    Be a good judge of character. Pick a guy your friends approve of and your parents. Get to know him. See if he has an interest in you. See if you're special to him. The vast majority of girls will just go for looks, they'll have blinders on an not see he's talking to 10 different girls, and girls your age will not heed the guidance of their parents. Girls like guys who are secure, mysterious, cool... which is actually just indifferent. Kinda comical. The worst choice. The boring guy who's trying a bit too hard, slightly below your standards - he's the one. He actually likes you. Has eyes only for you. Less attractive men make better mates. And he'll be more practical, better fit for you long term. They guy who doesn't smoke. Doesnt ride a motorcycle. Hasn't blown his savings on a cool car. Is studying something with earnings potential. Instead of some guy who's suave.. the guy who's gonna be there when it counts. Won't let you walk over him, but won't do wrong by you. Ethics, morals, honor. Slightly clingy is a good sign.

    • "The boring guy who's trying a bit too hard, slightly below your standards - he's the one."

      Oh man, how many times have I been there, lol.

    • Healz yeah Christian2724!

What Guys Said 20

  • Both looks and personality are important, if they weren’t then we wouldn’t have the one that didn’t.

    As I’ve said in other posts, What we believe we are lacking within we will seek (and find) externally.? For example. If someone believe that they’re lacking in looks (Let’s say a guy), then they will pursue someone they fill attractive (perhaps a pretty girl) to fill that PERCEIVED void in themselves thinking “If this super attractive person is attracted to me then I MUST be attractive” and through that they get to feel better. This is often called “insecurity”.

    On the same token, if that girl was to believe that she only had looks to offer and that no-one saw her personality, then she will have taught her brain to find guys that prove EXACTLY THAT to her...and she will seek guys that value her for her personality instead of just her looks, because she believe (falsely) that her personality is not her strong point.

    When you love yourself for something and it gets to the point where you believe you have that and you are a “source” of that then others will love you for it too.? For example. If some believe that they are attractive, and they are not trying to find it externally then he or she will teach their brain to find exactly that. And because they become a “source” of it, from within instead of without they do not search for it, but instead are sought out for it.

    The trap that we ALL fall into in life is that we believe we are lacking in someway or another. We put ourselves down and mismatch what we are because society and other forces (don’t get me started) have conditioned us. NO-ONE is lacking is anyway shape or form. We are all F***ING BRILLIANT, inside and out and I don’t need to meet you to know that. ?

    When someone believes they are source both inside and out, then things take on a WHOLE NEW meaning. You don’t need or desire anything because you feel empty, no, you feel incredible, complete and fulfilled as just you. You don’t NEED anything, (have you ever noticed that you don’t seem to get what you want until you stop wanting it?) but when you think about, it’d just be awesome to have :D Relationships become no longer about getting, but about giving, about being able to do more and share it with just one other, a truly deep connection...and it doesn’t stop there, the best is always yet to come.

    So fall in love with you, inside and out, because DakotaGirl900 you are beautiful inside and out, don’t let anyone ever allow you to think otherwise. So please don’t be “unattractive” because if you do then you’ll be trying to be “attractive” you’ll still be missing something. No, the simplest and easiest thing to do is for you accept the truth...that not only are you amazing and a source of beauty on the outside (as so many have already pointed out), you are also a source of beauty and love on the inside. Know that, feel that and live that and you’ll be right.

    Go for it. There is nothing holding against you and all for you!�

    • PS. This is something that people spend their ENTIRE lives discovering and many times struggling with. I don’t think that will be your path though. You strike me as a young woman that is different to the rest, not just pretty face, but determined to live a full life. That is why you are different, because it takes the courage of gods (“Giver Of Desires” or a “Source”) to settle for nothing less than a life of complete fulfillment especially at such a young age, and for that I admire you.

  • i'll make a suggestion but sometimes I generally don't go with what many call the norm social regimes in high school and college life styles. so what I suggest is up to you but it could net you that worthwhile boyfriend you say you want.

    1st before let me say this, any guy would like to have a nice looking girl but some would and have settled for girls with a good and loving personality. basically because most can't see themselves with a very nice looking girl. in the age bracket you show (18-24) its mostly a proven fact that most young ladies have poor choices in guys at this age. in general its the type guys in the past and till present that have been probably the ones you say are not for you . probably may seem like they have lots of confidence (cocky of sorts) may be good looking to very handsome , sports involved and buff physically. you dressing down is something that isn't common with most pretty girls but does show that you really may want to change your image as how your seen by guys.

    next part is the part that is unusual and requires you to do alittle work. whoa ! work ? LOL

    ya , do a google on shy guy body language and read at least 10 articles on it. why shy guys ? because 70% of the guys out there that are in my opinion worthwhile for girls are considered shy . they vary in how shy though some more than others. some of these shy guys may not be brad pitt but some can be cute to fairly good looking. (and yes some that may not even reach that)

    after reading those 10 articles you may realize that there may have been a lot of flirting going on around you that you toatally missed because their actions wasn't perceived as flirting. these guys would never approach you under normal curcumstances because they are basically afraid of rejection (almost a phobia) but its a biggie with most shy guys and one of the major reasons why they are shy. yes I know sounds like what most girls wouldn't touch with a 10ft pole. yet many of these guys are and have been proven latter on in life to be the better fathers,husbands and providers . and also been said some of these shy guys may sound mellow at most times but get them aroused they are wild men (in the sack) you didn't hear rhat from me though. lol

    here's the thing ,you can hold on to the preconceived ideas of what is called normal behavior by young people today or try something that may seem lame ( or seemingly boring type guys) and expeirence something radical. its evident your looking for some kind of change .

    hope some of this helps you at some point.

  • Well, beauty is a blessing AND a curse. You will get lots of wanted attention (yay!), but you will get lots of unwanted attention (ugh!).

    As one of my female friends recently told me, your instinct becomes sharper as you age, and you'll be able to tell more about a guy using first impressions over simple emotional attraction.

    There are guys who just want to know you for you. They're hard to find, but I recommend looking in unlikely places; perhaps try going to where groups of people are, not just one on one meetings, to find potentially great guys for you.

  • No! If you want a good, lasting relationship, it needs to be founded on who the people are, not just a physical attraction. Beauty fades. you'll age and so will he.

    There are guys out there who appreciate a girl for who she is and not just her body.. =)

    I know, I like to think I'm one of them. ^-^

    • haha man you make us sound pretty good bro.

    • heh, I'm not saying for every guy. X)

  • No I don't think you should, sure you might find it a lot easier meeting guys but I still think you have to wait for the right one for you comes along, just like everyone else has to... I guess it's up to you and no one else to decide that.

  • Are you really 22? Because I'm getting jail bait vibes off you...

  • Why don't you ask guys out yourself?

  • Try volunteer work or a dance class. You would make a shy guy's day by asking him out, but shy guys are something of a minefield.

    If you want to make your sex appeal nosedive, wear a t-shirt with a Feminist graphic.

  • Haha that sucks, I'm sure your case is not the only one among girls. If anything it's quite common. Maybe what you need to do is instead be yourself, wear what you want and if a guy comes up to you, hitting on you, just stand your ground. IF he seems genuine then sure give him a chance if you're interested. But put him in his place if he crosses the line. Don't be afraid to show him who's boss of your own body. You are a human being just like everyone else and deserve respect especially from someone who wants to put his d*** inside you. If he's looking for sex or plays you and then you find out down the road he faked his whole personality just to attempt to have sex with you, fight back. Play him. DON'T take sh*t from people and just fight fire with fire. Be strong and just laugh in their face, kick em out of your car in the middle of the highway, kick em in the balls and show them that you're not a girl who can be played or be f***ed with.

    You deserve much better than to be treated like a slut or whatever it is that makes you feel demeaned, a sex object or not worthy or valuable as a woman for a man in a real relationship.

    Everyone deserves to find happiness, a friend or lover in their life. If someone wastes your time, that's a f***ing crime and you better kick em to the curb, get your own little revenge, play them, waste THEIR time for leading you on. So be strong and suck it up, life isn't easy. Meeting the right person is rare and it takes time and luck... just remember to keep your guard up, and not trust anyone from the get go. That sh*t is earned in time and through their actions. Eventually you will be able to see through people's acts with experience, failed relationships and experiences.. But that's how you learn.

    • Oh by the way, you're cute. Not as cute as my girl but if your personality is as amazing as you look, there's little effort to go through to get a boyfriend. Just choose wisely and hope he doesn't think 100% with his penis. :D

  • YOur "attractiveness" is a part of who you are do not try to hide it, it will be like trying to hide an aspect of your personality, to find a boyfriend a real one it depends a lot where you look

    If you go looking for ones at a night club, than you are going to find players and the type of guy you are trying to avoid,

    To get one, well that's the hard part, see if you have common interest, if you have a good time together, if you like each others company, if there is that electricity between you and him or those butterflies in your stomach, after you have gotten to know him and he's passed your "tests"/"standards"

    good luck, and believe me you are not the only one out there that has the problem of finding a decent partner

  • Honestly, the best thing to do would be to get to know guys well before you do anything with them. Just get to know lots of guys, hang out with them, do fun activities, and know their personality before accepting any dating/FWB type shtick. There are cute guys out there few and far between that are looking for the exact same thing as you are - someone to love. Not just to have sex with. If anything, you can even flat out tell guys you're looking for serious relationships and won't put up with bullsh*t. But in a nice tone please :) otherwise you might come off as bitchy, no offense. Just keep trying.

  • Way you look? Smile at every good looking guy you see for three days, you'll be snatched up in no time.

  • ahahah fuark just sayin you'd look good anything without even trying... if you want some one who will love you don't go for the hottest guy you can find, go out with that nerd who has no friends, I bet he'll love you...

    Women are pretty fuarked but, they complain I like them too much and I make them feel bad then on Facebook they complain why no one loves them and how they want this perfect guy who does anything for them ahahha so confusing aye

  • How do you think that's being bragging or being cocky? Best place to meet a actual bf-social function? You could try church, or language classes or volunteer work (what I was told) and see where it goes from there..

  • Damn right your cute haha! But I don't really know what to say about this, I think your looking for guys in the wrong place.

  • you want a boyfriend? go out with me! just feed me once and a while and make sure I can go outside to do my business and we are good!

    First part was serious, second part was joke! lol ;)

    • in all seriousness you are very cute, just find someone that will treat you right, and that takes time. believe or not I have trouble finding a girl worth while myself. I just want someone I can spend time with and talk to, that I can have a good time with. but also remember attraction usually start with ha physical attraction, then the personality is what will keep someone around.

  • You should try dating a different type of guy. Usually smart guys treat women right. Also I heard southern boys

  • I can't help but think you're hot. But I wouldn't date you unless you had a cool personality. Meaning I'd date you for who you are, the rest is just a bonus

    • Thank you, I appreciate it:)

    • And now you're ego probably just got a little bit more inflated lol

    • Not really:)

  • If you weren't as cute as you are, the only difference would be that uglier guys would think they have a shot at having sex with you. Just be yourself and start asking guys out yourself, that you think will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Everyone that is looking for a relationship is in the same boat you are. I am sure if you keep looking you will find what you are looking for.


What Girls Said 4

  • Meet him in class or yeah, like someone else said, maybe volunteering? I find clubs work QUITE well, especially if it's something that takes up a lot of your time (90% of my team is couples, and they didn't come in together!) Friends and friends of friends are also possibilities (although I don't think "friends" start to set you up until you're a little older, but you could mention it to them). Just talk to boys in averagte settings, like the library, and not parties. That's where you're more likely to find mature, intelligent men than immature boys looking for sex.

  • You should never try and be something you're not. People try and be beautiful all the time, and I know I'm not a showcase woman, but my man loves to show me off. He'll take me somewhere, a bit like arm candy, and his friends will compliment me and he'll grin and say I know :D

    My point is, you shouldn't need to feel like you should be tucked away in MacDonalds with a baggy hoody and trackies on. You should feel proud of how you look. And STOP putting yourself down!

    There will be someone who appreciates everything you are. Your looks, your personality, your laugh, the way you do things, even how you make a coffee. You could try going to the gym, going out with girlfriends, nights out, classes, bowling, ice skating, whatever you like doing :) Pick a hobby you like, and that way you know he likes it too. More often than not, you end up running into your ideal man by accident but no harm in looking :)

    Best of luck

  • There is one important thing you should know, a "decent boyfriend" is a good, polite, kind person. But if that guy decides to approach you, of course he will do so because you are attractive. Every guy will.

    If you want to be a girlfriend, not a one night stand, just act accordingly. Don't change your tastes in clothing to appear uglier, you only need to show you are modest, let guys approach you, make sure they know what you are looking for, make them loose hope they will get in bed with you for a long period of time, right from the start. The one who sticks around is the one you want.

    I just hope you are not trying to look uglier because you think "decent guys" are necessarily less attractive. They can start acting like jerks just as handsome guys can once they feel they've won you over. Who you really are is not determined by your looks. I know many bad looking guys who seem nice, but are really a**holes with a superiority complex, just as I know guys who are handsome, but actually kind and modest, just like commonly known vise versa.

    PS. Some guys who lack a personality of their own have an attitude towards pretty girls determined by their social group. Maybe you could try changing the environment in which you frequent.

  • You ''try'' not to wear tight clothes. How exactly do you ''try'' to do that?

    And those slutty pictures on your profile don't help your point at all now do they...