Why can't I leave my abusive boyfriend?
AAAAHHHHH! I need help! I don't know what to do. I love him so much but he is nothing but mean to me. He hangs up on me, tells me I am trash, tells me I'm trouble. He never compliments me but will compliment other people. We have been dating for years and we have a kid together. He tells me he will change but when? He hasn't been physically abusive lately but he does threaten me. He is still very mentally abusive though and he blames it on me for the reason why he acts like that. He will be good for a while then it goes right back into the same thing. Do you think he will treat his next girlfriend with respect? That will kill me knowing that she will get the best from him and here I've been waiting for so long hoping that he will change.
What's Your Opinion?
Most Helpful Opinion
I have been right where you are now, exactly in that same position and before I give any advice I'm going to say that I'm extremely proud and glad that you realize what he's doing to you. I didn't until he had broken up with me and I regret so much. I thought it was my fault and I didn't say anything because I thought it was normal, that was how relationships were supposed to be.
With that done you need to just get out. He's not going to change for good, he just won't. It's not that he doesn't want to- he really may want to, he just doesn't know how.
YOU DO NOT INSPIRE THIS IN HIM. THIS IS NOT YOUR DOING.
The reason he acts like this is because it's all he knows. He doesn't know how to be loving and caring and understanding with out trying and focusing and really thinking about it. Why this is? I can't answer, but there are many reasons. But the important thing is that you know it's not you, and that you know you MUST get out, as soon as possible.
If you live with him, get a friend over and get help moving out. If you don't, and you're really afraid, bring a friend with you, meet him at a park or something, and break up with him. Somewhere that you have the space to tell him why and answer questions if you want to, but also where you can leave if things get bad, and where a friend can sit near by and watch, but not intrude unless necessary.
His next girlfriend? Probably not. I don't think mine changed for the next girl. And if he did it was only briefly because a matter of months later they were broken up and he was trash talking her.
I've always been one to think about the next girl. How will I compare? What stories will he tell? What things will he say about me? I hear all he says about his exes to me and it worries me how I will turn out in the final analysis when all is said and done. You can't think like that.
Be strong, break it off, just move on and don't look back, no matter what.
What Guys Said 1
You don't deserve someone that makes you feel that way. They are manipulative and thrive off of you feeling worthless. Even being alone, you will be better off than with him. And I'm sure there is someone out there that will make you feel good about yourself. You owe it to yourself to leave this guy.
What Girls Said 2
If its a consolation or a disgrace you can be 100% certain he will treat the next girl the same way he treats you if not worse because he would have to deal with you leaving him.
Look... I'm not going to judge your feelings and its OK to love him... but now you have to decide if you love yourself more and if you want to love someone who respects you and has genuine love for you. When you end this, you will need extra time and therapy to get over all the verbal abuse (this type of abuse can be worse than getting hit). Look for non-abusive people in your surroundings for support and gradually you will be ready for the right guy.
Courage and hugs,
You are strong and you can do this!