Should I tell her I love her?

Should I tell my best friend that I love her? That I'm IN love with her?

I know she doesn't feel the same about me and that she never will. I've come to terms with that but it still doesn't stop the fact I'm in love with her. I feel like its something that I just need to get off my chest, to put it out there and let it go.

Should I tell her? I mean, honestly she probably already knows.

The worst thing in the world is seeing your dream girl everyday and knowing that no matter how close she is, you'll never be anything but a friend to her.

Just to reiterate... I KNOW she doesn't feel the same. I've expressed my feelings to her before...everything short of "I love you." She's not interested in me like that and never will be. Her words "You're not my type"
If I do decide to tell her Should it be face to face or with a letter? I feel like I can be more articulate and get everything out through a letter. It might also be less awkward for her.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First, if she knows you love her she is using you to stroke her ego, which means she most definitely KNOWS you like her. I can say that because I was in her situation.

    But I knew my friend never looked at another girl and spent all he's time on me because he liked me. He started insinuating "jokingly" he liked me. I "jokingly" rejected him. I would have to be retarded not to notice he's feelings.

    So I broke our friendship.

    I slowly started getting further and further away from him, until everything that was left of it, was a simple hello and maybe a fief text messages for our B-days.

    I won't lie. It hurt. It hurt me a lot. I was he's friend since childhood, and he was like my own flesh and blood. Loosing him was one of hardest things in my life. After that I felt really alone for a long time. But then he did move on. He met a nice girl and he is dating her now. He stopped focusing on me. Now that I see him with her, I feel happy and even though I did at the beginning, I do not regret my decision. I love him. If he is happy, I am too.

    Later I moved on and made new friends. I have girlfriend now that is almost as close to me as he was. But you know what is great about this new friendship? I had to grow and accept her as she did me. I changed a little. And I know that her actions and love are more honest and platonic, not a consequence of infatuation. Not that he's always were, but when they became such, I knew...

    So here is a fief things you need to get straight in your head:

    First, you are by her side because you love her. The question is whether you like her? Would you be her friend if she was not attractive to you? Hah. Like a person in love could ever answer this question. THAT is what I need you to understand. You can't.

    Second, she doesn't love you that way. She never has, she never will. Yo are near her, you are thinking about this confession because you are HOPING. Hope is what drives this whole story. Ditch the hope. When you do, trust me the last thing on your mind will be dating her. You need to stop lying to yourself. You still think you have a chance with her. Deep down, this is true, and you know it.

    Third, as long as you are by her side, you will hope. As long as you follow her around, she will have your heart. You can age decades, but if the things don't change there will ALWAYS be something there. When she finds a guy who resents your one sided feelings, she will choose the guy and you will be even more heartbroken. Don't let her stomp on you like this. Trust me she will.

    Fourth, if you don't confess and don't seize the day, life will pass you by. The worst of all this is the fact that you will REGRET it. You will regret hesitating, you will regret being led on, you will be bitter about it, and above all you will regret the love life you could have had, had you not chosen this waiting and self pity.


    Then move on. You can try to stay friends, but know that one of you will soon end this charade of a friendship.

    • Well said ! +1

    • thank you for this

    • Annoy - What you say has truths. You have to confess and be honest. Its the best thing for all involved. I really doubt she is using him. We just take things for granted all the time. It's human nature. The confession is more about him and being able to move forward positively and without any regrets.

What Girls Said 27

  • That really sucks. If you tell her and know that she doesn't like you back this way (and she says this) try taking a break from hanging out with her. If she asks you, tell her you still want to be friends but you need time to get over her and tell her that it hurts you too much right now. And maybe during this time you will either move on, or she will find out that she does feel the same way about you. "absence makes the heart grow fonder" (this is not a guarantee, just an idea.)

  • I was in a situation like this and I still don't know the answer. I would imagine it was just like yours he was my best friend. I knew how he felt but he never pushed the issue he accepted it. I loved spending time with him more then anyone, even my husband at the time. We could talk about anything and everything for hours. We were best friends for over ten years. We worked together we had lunch together lots of dinners. My problem was that I saw him as my best friend and I couldn't get passed that. He respected me and didn't push the issue maybe if he had things may have turned out differently, idk. I think he finally got tired of reaching out. After many years he finally met someone. He told me that she was just like me, how ironic. After that I never heard from him again. I miss my friend terribly. I think about him all the time and wonder what he's up to. I may not have been in-love with him but I still to this day love him and always will. I don't know why he choose to cut off all contact with me but he did.

    Honesty is always the best thing in the end it's something you can live with. Even if it doesn't go your way. I never got to tell him what he meant to me and I regret it.

    • It doesn't matter how you tell her as long as you tell her. You must remember that it may not go the way you want. What you have to keep in mind is that in the long run it will benefit you.

      Take a look at the big picture. It's much better to write the final chapter then leaving it open and alway wondering. What if?

  • If you know she doesn't like you why remain friends if it just causes heartache? I know it may seem hard but tell her how you feel (since you need to get it off your chest) then explain it and say it straight that you don't think you two should talk anymore because of what seeign her does to you.

  • please. I don't understand why people are like oh they are not my type...specially girls...people fall in love with other people that they never dreamed that they would. but honestly, I wouldn't press it. You should find someone who loves you as much as you love them. She might turn around one day and find that she feels the same about you. But move on for now who knows what will become of later. hope it helps. I know it sucks but I'm sure you'll find someone special even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

    • lol. you don't listen do you? lol. if you are going to tell her it depends on what type of person it is. I think you should tell her in person so she doesn't have proof of what you said.

  • Tell her, she may change her mind and it's good to get it off your chest. Also, you can't say you never tried, and you wouldn't sit around thinking 'if only I'd told her'. However, it could change your should find someone who loves you back

  • If you know she won't be interested, then don't bother. Perhaps it's because she doesn't feel the chemistry that you do.

    A while ago, a guy was telling me he liked me and told him I liked him back as a friend. He didn't seem to get the hint that I wasn't interested however. So he kept treating me like some queen and sending messages with hearts under them. No offense, but I found it really clingy and annoying. When girls say they're not interested, they usually aren't. Maybe you could capture her interest in a way. Who knows? Just do whatever feels right. If she made it very clear she wasn't interested, then don't tell her you love her. There's plenty of fish in the sea. :)

  • dude, I'm in the exact same sich.

  • You should tell her, then tell her you will not only know her answer, more importantly you will make yourself free, let yourself feel better.

  • Tell her, you never know how she'll respond to it.

  • If you've already expressed your feelings before she may feel like you are pressing the issue by saying it again. If you really need to express things write it all out but I advice not giving her that letter.

  • Yes, tell her you love her. Even though you know she doesn't feel the same, itll be good that you will tell her how youve felt about her for years (im assuming its been more than 1 year correct?). Maybe one day she will feel the same way, it usually happens you know. Some people just don't realize this right away. Just tell her what you feel for her.

    • Letter, that way you can get everything out. When its face to face its harder to be open with someone.

  • Tell her. I was in the same situation. In love with my best friend. No chance in hell he felt the same. Everyone kept telling me to tell him but I was too afraid that it would be awkward or that he wouldn't want to be around me anymore...I finally told him and while it didn't fix everything (anything really), it DID make it a lot easier to be around him because I didn't have to hide or pretend. If I was in a bad mood, or if I didn't want to be around him that day, he knew why. In a way, I felt more in control, less constricted.

    Like you said, how you feel won't change. Hiding how you feel will only make your emotions morph into something really ugly. Don't let it get to that point.

  • So why are you pining over someone who doesn't love you back? Sounds like you have a bit of a self esteem issue that you need to sort out short of her. She doesn't matter at all right now... You should focus on yourself.

  • Tell her,you won't lose anything,you will at least know,trust me once you get the answer(negative or positive) It doesn't matter,what matter is you know that she likes/Dislikes will feel better then.

    I know it is hard to say that but don't you think it is harder to not know,you will just stay in pain,writing a letter is fine but I prefer face to face because you will hear it from her without any confusion,ask her to meet you somewhere alone then tell her And ask her if she has the same feelings.

    If she said she didn't like you back that way,then thank her for coming and good luck then bye then move on.

    You can tell her that you want to stay away from her for awhile to forget it.

    Well It is up to you if you want to stay friends,i think it would be better to cut contact with her for awhile till you forget her then you can be friends again.

  • You should tell her. It will make you feel beter and just because she dosenot feel tht way now does not mean she never will

  • If you have done everything to show her how you feel except utter the words then she already knows. You are going to change the dynamics of your friendship if you tell her. Once the actual words are said is different than a few thinking of you gifts or going out of your way to help her. Those words have power. If she doesn't feel the same way and she has told you that then the more you press the issue and try to love her enough for ths both of you the more she will pull away. For example, there is a guy that I know very well. I wouldn't call him my best friend but he and I are friends. Several months ago he expressed interest in me and that he had feelings for me. I immediately responded with "youre not my type" which for me was code for I think you're ugly and whimpy. As the months progressed he has sent me flowers, my favorite downtown popcorn, lunch, spa packages, weekend getaways. All of this to woo me and I still have no interest. The harder he tries the less interested I become because it shows lack of confidence and desperation because I have already said no yet he still feels "i am the one". When we see each other now we don't speak. When he texts me I wait hours to respond. Don't let this happen to your friendship.

  • i think you should tell her how you feel because you never know she might feel the same but never showed it cause you never told her how you felt!

  • I think it's up to you in the end. But for me, it didn't work out so well. I told my best friend I was in love with him 6 months ago, and I haven't been the same since. (He obviously didn't feel the same way). And our relationship seemed fine to begin with, almost stronger, but now, months later, we're just not close anymore, which is heartbreaking in itself, (never mind the heartbreak I felt when he rejected me).

    Do what you think will be best for you.

  • I would respond better if I got a letter. That way, if I had mixed feelings (which she probably will) it would give me a second to stop and realize how important this relationship really is to me. I think that a letter would also be better because it would keep you from getting nervous when you can see that she does have mixed feelings. And if I didn't want a relationship, but still wanted to keep the relationship, it would give me a little more time to figure out the perfect response.

    I really hope that she realizes how lucky she is to have someone that cares this much about her.

    Take care! Good luck! If she doesn't respond the way you would like, I hope that you realize that this attempt actually makes you more likely to find the women of your dreams (not less likely)... and I hope you find the most delirious happiness possible in your life!

  • you may get a answer that you didn't expect ! If you guys have been friends for a long time, there's a good chance, that she feels the same about you ..

    But still if you tell her, it will be easier ..whether she likes you back or don't :). I know from personal experience (:

  • If you already know that she is not interested in you and you keep pushing the concept, one of two things will happen: (1) she'll end up pulling away to clarify that she doesn't like you; (2) she'll end up dating you out of some sense of obligation to you, her friend -- and you won't know if she likes you or is just trying to be nice...

  • I say tell her through a letter so it's easier for you and for her.

  • Tell her some girls just hide their feelings by saying that your not her type cause she's scared to tell it to your face

  • You should tell her. But more than the words, you should tell her everything behind the words. You should tell her how you feel in love with her. I know it won't solve anything, but feelings like that need to be expressed. And if she is a total bitch and grinds your heart into the ground, it may make it easier to move on and find/ appreciate the woman that deserves your love.

  • if you are ready to accept the consequences no matter which way it goes, then it would be better to get it off your chest and deal with it. If you are not willing to let her go, then you might as well just forget it, because that will always be a possiblity.

  • why would you torture yourself like that? No, do not tell her. Go find yourself a lovely lady who loves you for who you are, there are so many people on this planet. You think you've found the only girl you could ever love? I know how heartbreaking it is. The best thing someone ever said to me when I split from my ex was from an older lady, she looked me straight in the eye, smiled and said "it does get better, I promise". I could tell she meant it.


What Guys Said 20

  • Letter, definitely since it is your best way of expressing yourself, don't sound too apologetic though - but make sure you go see her very soon afterward, like the day after so she had time to think of it and not to have eventual ill feelings grow too much on her side. Try to determine what 'her type' is, perhaps it has nothing to do with 'type', she just doesn't want to be in a relationship, period..I agree with some others: 'type' is a lame excuse..people who *really* working their relations 'typing' other people are pretty shallow imho..Good luck!

  • dude you need to nto be friends with her...this will eat you alive forever if you can't get over the fact she doesn't want to be with you...

    i think you need to get over the fact that she doesn't want to be with you and find a girl who is willing to give you everything you want/need.

    i know some people won't agree with me and tell you to chase your heart, which in reality is true, but just because you love someone doesn't mean they have to love you back

  • That depends on if you still want to be friends with her or not. Once you make this individual knowledge mutual knowledge, there's no going back. You run the risk of losing her as a friend entirely so just be wary of that.

    • These are wise words.

      I've lost a good best friend by telling her I'm in love with her.

    • Show All
    • Lesson learned: Bitches ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks.

    • ^hahahah so true!

  • I agree with one of the Anon girls about girls hiding sometimes what they really feel about you because they are scared of the consequences or what might happen if you guys end up braking up.

    I was best friends with this girl for the longest time. We'd party together and hang out and stuff, but we got to talking about dating (not one another but people) and she mentioned that she couldn't be intimate with me she just didn't see it. So remembering this, we just chilled and I started to really like her and wanted to get with her more than a friend, but I remembered what she said and so I just kept it to myself. Later she got with someone other foul dudes and started doing drugs and got into bad sh*t. We stopped hanging out and we went our separate ways. But she kept in touch and asking me what I thought of this situation and things like that, or she missed the old times together. But I eventually got together with someone else. Then we talked after a while not talking and in talking I told her how I felt about her really. She then told me that she felt the same way, but was scared about the what if we broke up scenerio.

    Something could have been special between us, but I guess it was never to be. But who knows right? At least if you tell the girl how you feel about her, there is a chance at something special. Or you might get the answer that she isn't into you like that. But at least have an answer and not wondering, what if right?

  • i say definitely tell her but in person for sure when its a relaxed environment no TV on or radio...just sitting next to each other and tell her softly but look into her eyes tell her how much she means to you and you love her or are in love with her and want to try to take it more than friends. but also tell her if she says no or if it doesn't want to work out you will still be friends with you and shell b touched for sure dude. if she says no shell still be friends with you if you want that too. good luck. but ya you gotta tell the truth ull feel better.

  • Tell her The letter is probably the better option.

  • If you've already told her and she didn't feel the same way there is no reason to keep hassling her and bringing it up. You're only going to make things awkward and ruin your friendship.

    Accept it the best you can knowing that she knows how you feel already and move on. She will come to you if she changes how she feels or you can address it again if/when things change.

  • If you do tell her and you know she will never feel the same way then it will probably make your relationship a little more awkward. I would say just do what feels right to you but know that it may affect your relationship with her.

  • face to face

  • Never say never so in the future maybe she will like you

  • Bro if you are asking for advice on whether to tell her or not you shouldn't because your really not feeling it say it when you feel it in your heart not when somebody on gag tells you to

  • i say tell her and tell her in person. you have to get it off your chest. you can't keep this bottled up forever, like someone earlier said, it will just eat you alive

  • Carpe diem, quam minimum credula prostero.

    remember this.

  • Absolutely not! Unless you want to ruin your friendship? I think the best thing to do is give yourself some space from her and try and find a new lady of interest that has real potential.

    Btw... I'd bet she already knows so what's the point of telling her?

    • Also the friend zone is a horrible place to be... Got to be worse than water boarding

  • go ahead bro, just make sure she knows that if she doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't change anything between you and that you can still be friends either way. Also, don't make it cheesy

    • yeah, a letter will let you "explain" yourself better and you can work in all the details that way

  • Tell her.

    Maybe your life will get interesting.

    • Go with your gut feeling.. usually going with your gut feeling is the best choice.. but no matter what the outcome know that you are a great person and there is somebody out there for you.. she will soon realize what she could have had.. the sweetest revenge is showing that person who neglected you on what they could have had... trust me I am going through this right now...

  • Yes, you should!

    Coz regret of doing something is not that bitter as regret of not doing something!

    Oh.. and also you have a chance to success!

  • ouch that hurts sorry man. start looking for another girl there are a lot of them out there.

  • Face to face. Tell her that you are in love with her. Ask her then how she feels about that? If she says that she doesn't feel the same way, then you know 100% for sure. Now is the hard part... You have to share that it's in everyone's best interests that you don't spend any more time together. You have to be strong here! You have got to cut this relationship off. Maybe if she realizes that you're gone, that she really misses you and does care about you. Look, many marriages in the centuries before the 20th century were arranged marriages where people learned to respect and love each other. For you, it's not heathy to be around someone you love who is not go find someone who wil love you back!

  • Tell her and maybe you could be surprised by what she has to say. Or you could remain silent and never be happy. I can't remain friends with someone I am in love with. It is just to painful for me. So I would tell her and if she says no, then I would stop hanging out with her. If she surprises you and says that she does feel the same way then great.

    • @ update. Then you have to get yourself out of the friend zone. Maybe if you are not always available to her she might realize what she is about to lose. Either way you need to move on and stop hanging out with her. This is only causing you pain, and preventing you from finding someone else.

    • " if you are not always available to her she might realize what she is about to lose" AGREE