Should I tell her I love her?

Should I tell my best friend that I love her? That I'm IN love with her?

I know she doesn't feel the same about me and that she never will. I've come to terms with that but it still doesn't stop the fact I'm in love with her. I feel like its something that I just need to get off my chest, to put it out there and let it go.

Should I tell her? I mean, honestly she probably already knows.

The worst thing in the world is seeing your dream girl everyday and knowing that no matter how close she is, you'll never be anything but a friend to her.

Just to reiterate... I KNOW she doesn't feel the same. I've expressed my feelings to her before...everything short of "I love you." She's not interested in me like that and never will be. Her words "You're not my type"
If I do decide to tell her Should it be face to face or with a letter? I feel like I can be more articulate and get everything out through a letter. It might also be less awkward for her.


Most Helpful Girl

  • First, if she knows you love her she is using you to stroke her ego, which means she most definitely KNOWS you like her. I can say that because I was in her situation.

    But I knew my friend never looked at another girl and spent all he's time on me because he liked me. He started insinuating "jokingly" he liked me. I "jokingly" rejected him. I would have to be retarded not to notice he's feelings.

    So I broke our friendship.

    I slowly started getting further and further away from him, until everything that was left of it, was a simple hello and maybe a fief text messages for our B-days.

    I won't lie. It hurt. It hurt me a lot. I was he's friend since childhood, and he was like my own flesh and blood. Loosing him was one of hardest things in my life. After that I felt really alone for a long time. But then he did move on. He met a nice girl and he is dating her now. He stopped focusing on me. Now that I see him with her, I feel happy and even though I did at the beginning, I do not regret my decision. I love him. If he is happy, I am too.

    Later I moved on and made new friends. I have girlfriend now that is almost as close to me as he was. But you know what is great about this new friendship? I had to grow and accept her as she did me. I changed a little. And I know that her actions and love are more honest and platonic, not a consequence of infatuation. Not that he's always were, but when they became such, I knew...

    So here is a fief things you need to get straight in your head:

    First, you are by her side because you love her. The question is whether you like her? Would you be her friend if she was not attractive to you? Hah. Like a person in love could ever answer this question. THAT is what I need you to understand. You can't.

    Second, she doesn't love you that way. She never has, she never will. Yo are near her, you are thinking about this confession because you are HOPING. Hope is what drives this whole story. Ditch the hope. When you do, trust me the last thing on your mind will be dating her. You need to stop lying to yourself. You still think you have a chance with her. Deep down, this is true, and you know it.

    Third, as long as you are by her side, you will hope. As long as you follow her around, she will have your heart. You can age decades, but if the things don't change there will ALWAYS be something there. When she finds a guy who resents your one sided feelings, she will choose the guy and you will be even more heartbroken. Don't let her stomp on you like this. Trust me she will.

    Fourth, if you don't confess and don't seize the day, life will pass you by. The worst of all this is the fact that you will REGRET it. You will regret hesitating, you will regret being led on, you will be bitter about it, and above all you will regret the love life you could have had, had you not chosen this waiting and self pity.


    Then move on. You can try to stay friends, but know that one of you will soon end this charade of a friendship.

    • Well said ! +1

    • thank you for this

    • Annoy - What you say has truths. You have to confess and be honest. Its the best thing for all involved. I really doubt she is using him. We just take things for granted all the time. It's human nature. The confession is more about him and being able to move forward positively and without any regrets.

What Girls Said 27

  • That really sucks. If you tell her and know that she doesn't like you back this way (and she says this) try taking a break from hanging out with her. If she asks you, tell her you still want to be friends but you need time to get over her and tell her that it hurts you too much right now. And maybe during this time you will either move on, or she will find out that she does feel the same way about you. "absence makes the heart grow fonder" (this is not a guarantee, just an idea.)

  • I was in a situation like this and I still don't know the answer. I would imagine it was just like yours he was my best friend. I knew how he felt but he never pushed the issue he accepted it. I loved spending time with him more then anyone, even my husband at the time. We could talk about anything and everything for hours. We were best friends for over ten years. We worked together we had lunch together lots of dinners. My problem was that I saw him as my best friend and I couldn't get passed that. He respected me and didn't push the issue maybe if he had things may have turned out differently, idk. I think he finally got tired of reaching out. After many years he finally met someone. He told me that she was just like me, how ironic. After that I never heard from him again. I miss my friend terribly. I think about him all the time and wonder what he's up to. I may not have been in-love with him but I still to this day love him and always will. I don't know why he choose to cut off all contact with me but he did.

    Honesty is always the best thing in the end it's something you can live with. Even if it doesn't go your way. I never got to tell him what he meant to me and I regret it.

    • It doesn't matter how you tell her as long as you tell her. You must remember that it may not go the way you want. What you have to keep in mind is that in the long run it will benefit you.

      Take a look at the big picture. It's much better to write the final chapter then leaving it open and alway wondering. What if?

  • If you know she doesn't like you why remain friends if it just causes heartache? I know it may seem hard but tell her how you feel (since you need to get it off your chest) then explain it and say it straight that you don't think you two should talk anymore because of what seeign her does to you.

  • please. I don't understand why people are like oh they are not my type...specially girls...people fall in love with other people that they never dreamed that they would. but honestly, I wouldn't press it. You should find someone who loves you as much as you love them. She might turn around one day and find that she feels the same about you. But move on for now who knows what will become of later. hope it helps. I know it sucks but I'm sure you'll find someone special even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

    • lol. you don't listen do you? lol. if you are going to tell her it depends on what type of person it is. I think you should tell her in person so she doesn't have proof of what you said.

  • Tell her, she may change her mind and it's good to get it off your chest. Also, you can't say you never tried, and you wouldn't sit around thinking 'if only I'd told her'. However, it could change your should find someone who loves you back

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What Guys Said 20

  • Letter, definitely since it is your best way of expressing yourself, don't sound too apologetic though - but make sure you go see her very soon afterward, like the day after so she had time to think of it and not to have eventual ill feelings grow too much on her side. Try to determine what 'her type' is, perhaps it has nothing to do with 'type', she just doesn't want to be in a relationship, period..I agree with some others: 'type' is a lame excuse..people who *really* working their relations 'typing' other people are pretty shallow imho..Good luck!

  • dude you need to nto be friends with her...this will eat you alive forever if you can't get over the fact she doesn't want to be with you...

    i think you need to get over the fact that she doesn't want to be with you and find a girl who is willing to give you everything you want/need.

    i know some people won't agree with me and tell you to chase your heart, which in reality is true, but just because you love someone doesn't mean they have to love you back

  • That depends on if you still want to be friends with her or not. Once you make this individual knowledge mutual knowledge, there's no going back. You run the risk of losing her as a friend entirely so just be wary of that.

    • These are wise words.

      I've lost a good best friend by telling her I'm in love with her.

    • Show All
    • Lesson learned: Bitches ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks.

    • ^hahahah so true!

  • I agree with one of the Anon girls about girls hiding sometimes what they really feel about you because they are scared of the consequences or what might happen if you guys end up braking up.

    I was best friends with this girl for the longest time. We'd party together and hang out and stuff, but we got to talking about dating (not one another but people) and she mentioned that she couldn't be intimate with me she just didn't see it. So remembering this, we just chilled and I started to really like her and wanted to get with her more than a friend, but I remembered what she said and so I just kept it to myself. Later she got with someone other foul dudes and started doing drugs and got into bad sh*t. We stopped hanging out and we went our separate ways. But she kept in touch and asking me what I thought of this situation and things like that, or she missed the old times together. But I eventually got together with someone else. Then we talked after a while not talking and in talking I told her how I felt about her really. She then told me that she felt the same way, but was scared about the what if we broke up scenerio.

    Something could have been special between us, but I guess it was never to be. But who knows right? At least if you tell the girl how you feel about her, there is a chance at something special. Or you might get the answer that she isn't into you like that. But at least have an answer and not wondering, what if right?

  • i say definitely tell her but in person for sure when its a relaxed environment no TV on or radio...just sitting next to each other and tell her softly but look into her eyes tell her how much she means to you and you love her or are in love with her and want to try to take it more than friends. but also tell her if she says no or if it doesn't want to work out you will still be friends with you and shell b touched for sure dude. if she says no shell still be friends with you if you want that too. good luck. but ya you gotta tell the truth ull feel better.

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