Scared of getting in a relationship?

A girl that I have been talking to has had a really bad past relationship and many of my actions have resembled that of his during their relationship. The only thing is she's so scared to get into another relationship because she didn't like herself when she was with him. I know if she didn't have these problems that we'd be together but it's just so hard to hear her lie to herself and tell me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship when she's just not letting herself get into a relationship because of a stigma she's placed on them.


She's told me that she's feeling for me and that she could see herself being with me but every time we start spending a lot of time together and she feels like we're getting close she freaks out and it seem she finds a way for us to get in a fight about something. She's told me her heart tells her to go to me but her head is telling her that she doesn't want to be in a relationship. This is so hard on me it's killing me.

 

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    April is right - reassure her. If you truly like her that much you wouldn't go away - so ask yourself do you like her that much to be there for her and understand her - I mean she's kind of in the same position as my sister - I mean her heart just like hers is telling her to go to him, to tell him I want to be with you and I'll try to work it out whatever it is that I'm going through but together with you and her heart is telling her that he'll be there for her so she told me that she's following her heart - but her head...basically - it's our conscious - is telling her don't because she's been hurt and she's afraid but like I said she's following her heart because she want to be with him but my sister made that decision with my help maybe all she needs is someone to talk to - I don't think it has to be someone who's close to her - it can be a friend, a stranger or even you - if you know her problem which you do like April said reassure her - write her a poem or something like that, give her a box of chocolates that is if she loves them, bring her flowers the ones that would describe her - trust me every girl has a flower or flowers that mostly describe her alone - the color, the shape, the smell...basically woo her...and while you're doing it tell her to open up to you but don't pressure her - trust me when I say - it takes time and patience and if you feel like you like her that much than I think that is what you would do...hope this helped. Good Luck!!!!

  • The best advice I can give you is just to reassure her, and tell her that you'll take YOUR TIME. She just needs time. I've had experience with this, and it's painful for both you and her. She hates seeing you getting hurt because of her problems. She'll want the relationship to end because she doesn't want to hurt you anymore than she already has. It's hard for her. She wants to follow her heart so bad, but logic is telling her not to. Knowing what risks she's taking is killing her. But if you tell her to take her time and you don't back away I guarantee it will work. Lastly don't doubt it. Don't tell her "I don't know how this is going to work, or I'm just wondering how this will work". Just let it happen. Don't push her to explain why, she will back away. If she talks to you about it then she wants to be with you, she just needs to figure it all out... for herself. Just please give her time, that's all she needs.



    With best of luck,

    Ria

  • i have this problem except I'm the girl in the situation, I'm scared of going with the guy that wants me , and I do wanna be with him for sure! , but I'm scared of messing things up with him , and I think it is because of my past relationship,and I'm sure she knows she's lying to herself, cause I do . but yourr mind takes over. and its really hard. but I think she has to knwo that you gotta just jump right into it . that's what I'm doing right now , cause I gotta get over the last relationship and start over.

    its not you at all . its the little things that remind her of past things, try talking to her about you guys, though she might freak out , or fight, but later that night , she will think of it , and maybe relise, you gotta hope for the best :)

    best of luck.


    hope you get her.

  • Well If she has had a bad relationship in the past I think you should leave her think for a little while and get her head off of things of what happened before!! if that doesn't work then you should talk to her about it and tell her that she should leave old memories behind and the same thing won't happen again!!!! I no what she's going through because my friend was in the same kind of relationship she had before!!! I no how she feels when she's around you!! just give her some time and if that doesn't work just try talking to her and tell her the feelings you have for her face to face and that you won't do anything to hurt her and she won't her you!!!! Just see how this works out!

  • Just reassure her by telling her you're willing to proceed with whatever pace she sets. For what it's worth, girls almost always follow their hearts :)

  • Wow!!! This sounds like a very difficult situation ... Kind of like the person that is being described in the song "Slide," by the Goo Goo Dolls. Here the lyrics:


    Could you whisper in my ear

    The things you wanna feel

    I'd give you anythin'

    To feel it comin'


    Do you wake up on your own

    And wonder where you are?

    You live with all your faults


    I wanna wake up where you are

    I won't say anything at all

    So why don't you slide


    Yeah, I'm gonna let it slide


    Don't you love the life you killed?

    The priest is on the phone

    Your father hit the wall

    Your ma disowned you


    Don't supposed I'll ever know

    What it means to be a man

    It's somethin' I can't change

    I'll live around it


    I wanna wake up where you are

    I won't say anything at all

    So why don't you slide

    Ooh, slide


    And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete

    Little pieces of the nothin' that fall

    Oh, May

    Put your arms around me

    What you feel is what you are

    And what you are is beautiful

    Oh, May

    Do you wanna get married Or run away?


    And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete

    Little pieces of the nothin' that fall

    Oh, May

    Put your arms around me

    What you feel is what you are

    And what you are is beautiful

    Oh, May

    Do you wanna get married

    Or run away?


    I wanna wake up where you are

    I won't say anything


    And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete

    (Yeah, slide)

    Little pieces of the nothin' that fall

    (yeah slide)

    And I'll do anythin' you ever dreamed to be complete

    (Yeah slide)

    Little pieces of the nothin' that fall

    (Oh, oh slide)

    Yeah, slide between the sheets of all them beds you never knew

    (Yeah slide)

    Why don't you slide into my room

    Just slide into my room

    Oh, we'll run away, run away, run away



    Now, relationships can sometimes be like riding a bicycle. Bad break-up, broken heart, anxiety = falling off the bicycle. Sometime you srcape your elbow, bang your head, and you don't want to get back on the bike and continue riding(or start another relationship).


    Now when my niece was learning how to ride, she fell and gave up I mean she yelled "I HATE THIS STUPID BICYCLE," over and over.


    I played her this song (slide) and told her that "a little piece is better than nothing. There are going to be bumps and bruises along the way. Thats how you know to avoid wet leaves and sand (or jerks and those people in the dating world) while riding your bycycle when your little. But you got to bounce back, at your own pace and when your ready, but you got to try. Just once, just for me. I'll take riding the bicycle at your own pace into consideration at all times and maybe you'll have a good time, you never know unless you try. So just once, please for me, can we let it slide and give a try ..."

    • I am in the same situation in a way. The girl I like tells me she wants to be with me but then says she doesn't. I don't understand. She has had a bad past and I am I good guy just wanting a chance but I don't get that chance. Like she is keeping me close enough to play with my heart but won't commit to us. I need help

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