He is "really, really trying" to make our relationship work?
OK so my boyfriend tells me this last weekend that he is "really, really trying" to make our relationship work...we have been together for a year and... Show More
Most Helpful Opinion
See, when somebody says something, and you don't understand exactly what they mean or why they would say it, you're supposed to ask THEM what they mean, not a bunch of random strangers.
Your relationship seems to be suffering from a severe lack of communication. I recommend that the two of you start working on this immediately. Sit him down and ask him why he said what he did. Discuss your mutual wants and needs, identify any problems that you're having, and address them before they become any larger than they are.
What Guys Said 6
Judging by your update, you two either are not compatible so like he said, he's trying really hard make it work since it really isn't coming naturally.
Honestly I think you are over analyzing this. General rule of thumb: What men say we mean. We aren't cryptic like women. Frankly it might just mean he loves you a lot and is try extra hard because he doesn't want to lose you.
You just need to stop freaking out.
Leave it to a female to turn something positive into a negative. Judging by the nature of this question, you are likely a hard girl to please, hence he has to work really hard to keep the relationship going. You should make sure you're meeting him halfway. Girls need to stop thinking relationships are all about them.
Calm the f*** down, and take a chill pill. It sounds like what it sounds like. He's trying his best to try and make things work apparently.
IMO, it means that he feels like the relationship is not working well, and he's the one putting in all the effort to making it work.
Usuallt it means he's putting a lot of his energy amd will into your relationship, and tries to do it even if he's unhappy in the hope it jumpstarts a positive cycle and things get better from both sides. That's how I would understand it as a guy. But it probably also mean two things. Firstly, he can't do much more than what he's currently doing. If you don't think it's enough for you to be happy with him then you have a big problem for the long term. Secondly, it means, that he's not that happy himself and probably hope for something better from your side as well at some point.
Keep in mind I know NOTHING about you two sp I'm not taking side. I'm just trying to guess what he means as a guy, no more, no less. He might be an ass, you might be a bitch, or you might be great but not compatible etc etc...
What Girls Said 4
I have to agree with the guys.. first step would be to calm down. I know that what he said probably threw you off and upset you, but being upset isn't going to make this situation better.
Second.. I think that you might want to prepare yourself for a break up (maybe) if things continue this way. It seems like he doesn't feel like the two of you have a good connection and he feels like he's forcing himself to stay with you. Feelings like this don't just go away..
Maybe you should quit worrying about his needs and put yourself first.. quit doing his laundry and let him man up and do his own things. Focus more on the needs of your relationship and what you both want, instead of the needs of chores to be done around the house..
Well its hard to answer just like that... Have you had problems? Fighting more than usual/spending less time together? Did he say this randomly or where you in the middle of an argument?
My first thought is (but I can be completely wrong so don't get mad) is that you have been together for such a long time that you have become to "used" to each other. You have probably done the honeymoon-fase, the freshly in love-fase and had fights and makeups. Seen each other sick, without make up, and maybe puking your insides out. You know everything about each other, spend a lot, if not all, of your free time together. So in other words there are no more "surprises" for you (if you don't count marriage and kids) except for the ones you make up by your own. And sadly, a lot of relationships don't last longer than that if there is no spark to keep them going. I think it was in Scrubs they once said that the people in the relationships that really last goes trough the same sh*t that every one else, but the difference is that they don't let it take them down. And from the only comment you asked about that your boyfriend said, I would think that he has come to a point that he doesn't know if he wants to keep fighting for the two of you. It doesn't mean he don't love you or anything, I personally think that if you loved one once you'll love them for life, even if you brake up, then you'll only love them in a different way. But I also think that he is questioning if this is the way he wants to spend the rest of his life. Maybe he is having a bit of a crisis a lot of people have at the thought of settling down. We all have a lot of things that we wanted to do in life, experience, but we sometimes can't do them all.
Like I said, its only a guess (because ofc all people is very different, and maybe he isn't a person who thinks like this, but hey, you only gave us one comment to go on), but I would say that your boyfriend has come to the point (since you have been together for almost 2 years and is in the age of 36-45) where he has thought of taking your relationship a step further and the thought scares the sh*t out of him and reminds him of all the things he wanted to do (that he can't do as married) and all the things he won't be able to do. And the more he thinks about it, the more appealing he thinks other things is. And maybe he has a single friend who tells him about this awesome party he went to and hot girl he hocked up with?
the only thing I think you can do is talk to him. We don't have the answers, only he does. Don't argue, don't get defensive, don't accuse, just hear him out. If he says he is trying, then maybe there is something you can do together to lighten the spark again?
(and by the way, you shouldn't do all those things for him, its not the things you do in his house that matters. and he is a grown up man (hopefully) and can do those things for himself. And it makes you sound like his mother. But maybe I'm just an in-the-closet-feminist). Good Luck!
It don't mean his giving up on the relationship but he feels he has to put in a bit effort to make it work and things are not flowing as they should be
I think you should totally move on with your life.\You do all that and he has the nerve to say "really really trying"
he should have told you that two years ago, not two years later.