Am I a jerk for refusing to give this relationship a label?

I've been dating her for 4 months, I want to make the initial of the relationship longer as people do get lazy and responsibility do kicks in and ruins everything once you label it. Also a person's true color comes out slowly so I don't want to call us boyfriend girlfriend now.

She said if I don't want to commit she will keep seeing me but will also start to look for someone else to date because she doesn't want to get hurt by me. She will stop seeing me once she decides to sleep with the new guy.


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  • You're probably not a jerk but from the answers you gave the rest here, it does seem like you're a commitment phobic coward. Sorry for being blunt but I am trying to understand your perspective. You're afraid of commitment because her personality changes? Doesn't that make her an interesting person to be with? As a lady, I would definitely feel like I'm being taken for a ride. She's willing to give you the best of herself by committing to the relationship (she's stunning you say, cooks and I'm sure sex is awesome or else it wouldn't have bothered you that she's planning to sleep with someone else) but you're not ready to do the same. In her shoes, I'd do the same - withhold the one thing guys can't live without. It's not forcing you to come to terms that you are in a relationship and therefore are actually boyfriend and girlfriend. It's more like a defence for us from getting hurt because the more we invest In a guy (via sex for example), the more emotionally invested we become. Without the label, it just makes us feel cheap, used and worth less. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning your views here. This is how most ladies think. Without the label, your relationship is like a FWB relationship. from my own personal experience, it took me 3 years to really know my guy like the back of my hand. You're not gonna make her wait that long are you? It's supposed to be fun getting to know someone special.

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      This is freaky... your answer is nearly the same as what she said to me!

      Except she said she never slept with a guy outside of relationship, but with me she did that's why she feel even cheaper. She wants to look for other guy but won't sleep with him until she is in relationship with him. She also said she won't withold sex from me.

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      She is waiting for you to say you love him and obviously she loves you because she wants to label your relationship.

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      I mean her.