I've been dating her for 4 months, I want to make the initial of the relationship longer as people do get lazy and responsibility do kicks in and ruins everything once you label it. Also a person's true color comes out slowly so I don't want to call us boyfriend girlfriend now.
She said if I don't want to commit she will keep seeing me but will also start to look for someone else to date because she doesn't want to get hurt by me. She will stop seeing me once she decides to sleep with the new guy.
You're probably not a jerk but from the answers you gave the rest here, it does seem like you're a commitment phobic coward. Sorry for being blunt but I am trying to understand your perspective. You're afraid of commitment because her personality changes? Doesn't that make her an interesting person to be with? As a lady, I would definitely feel like I'm being taken for a ride. She's willing to give you the best of herself by committing to the relationship (she's stunning you say, cooks and I'm sure sex is awesome or else it wouldn't have bothered you that she's planning to sleep with someone else) but you're not ready to do the same. In her shoes, I'd do the same - withhold the one thing guys can't live without. It's not forcing you to come to terms that you are in a relationship and therefore are actually boyfriend and girlfriend. It's more like a defence for us from getting hurt because the more we invest In a guy (via sex for example), the more emotionally invested we become. Without the label, it just makes us feel cheap, used and worth less. Don't get me wrong, I'm not condemning your views here. This is how most ladies think. Without the label, your relationship is like a FWB relationship. from my own personal experience, it took me 3 years to really know my guy like the back of my hand. You're not gonna make her wait that long are you? It's supposed to be fun getting to know someone special.
I'm biased because this has been done to me about three times (and each time I caught on and ended it after experiencing it once). The guy was hung up over an ex or was extremely immature. If I were her, I'd end it because of my past experiences. But you're allowed to do this, and it isn't wrong unless you're stringing her along or using her for sex. After this happened to me, I either wanted it to go with a guy two ways: relationship or random hook ups. I refuse to become emotionally attached to someone who doesn't want to commit to me because it would make me feel undesirable, people would always be asking why we're not "going out" yet, and I'd feel a little objectified. I think you have to either ask her out, become casual hook up buddies, or just stop altogether. You're not doing anything wrong though even though it might be hurting her. It's not that it's not fair to her because she can leave anytime if she doesn't agree with your reasoning, and she hasn't. She really, really likes you if she's been waiting for this long, and I think you'd be asking out a winner if you ask her out. Part of getting into a relationship is growing together and learning about each other, and when you love someone, you'll also love their true colors... Unless they're hideous colors. And then you will have to break up, but that's life. Couples break up all the time, and divorce seems to be the new trend.
If I were you, and she told me she will start to look for someone else and eventually sleep with them, I'd dump her. She's basically saying you're her security blanket until someone better comes along.
And if you're OK with her seeing other people while you're dating, I don't think you like her that much.
I think this is fair on her, I've been in this position before and it wasn't pleasant at all, you just don't feel important in the others' eyes and wonder what their game is. Anyway, why would a label hurt? it's not about that, it's about what you do to keep a relationship lively, meanningful, happy... It's only up to you if you become lazy and boring, calling someone your girlfriend won't change that. Anyway if I had any advice to give you it would be to stop messing with this girl before she has feelings for you and get hurt.
I don't think you are a jerk, I think you want what you want and she wants what she wants. What she is looking for in a man is someone who will give her that title of girl friend, if that's not you it's not you but it doesn't make her wrong for wanting it. Now you just have to ask yourself are you ready to lose her or can you bend to give her what she wants.
No! She should let you move at your own pace and respect you. However you can also respect what she wants, even if that means she's not comfortable with your pace. Just be completely honest with how you feel about her!
Dude, it's been 4 months. You wouldn't be here if you cared less, so since you have an interest in questioning what to do. What could a label hurt? Then again, if you don't want to, break up. Ask yourself why are you holding on?
After four months your not official then obviously you aren't feeling it enough. Just stop seeing her. It's not suppose to take that long to reach boyfriend/girlfriend status. You should want to label it so everyone will know she is yours and you are hers. If that's not how you feel then that's fine but don't lead her on into thinking you are gonna change cause obviously you have no intention to do so. I feel bad for this girl, what a crap position to be in:/
If you don't believe in labels then why are you trying to label yourself as a jerk?
You're not wrong and neither is she. If I were her I'd begin to see other guys too. I just don't think you're ready for a relationship so why should she wait around for you? It would probably take you a year to finally know everything there is to know about her before you feel comfortable enough to date.that's just not acceptable to her and she has a right to keep her options open if you're dragging your feet. She doesn't feel secure with you because on some level your actions are giving the impression that you're either afraid of commitment or stringing her along until you found someone better. Maybe she doesn't want to continue having sex with a guy who seems like he'll probably kick her to the curb after he's had his fill and move on to the next girl. Players give the same excuses you do
Well, are you or she sleeping with other people or dating other people at this time? If the answer is "yes", then now is the time to stop doing that if she wants a serious relationship and you're fine with it. I see no issue with the label if you otherwise like her. Honestly, beyond sex (assuming you're having it for a the sake of my answer), do you like this woman? Do you fight with her a lot or do you get along? If she's good on average, she'll continue to be good with a label, more likely than not. If she's not good after the label is applied, then break up with her. The simple solution usually works the best, no need to over-think this one buddy.