Where do girls find guys who want to commit? I don´t understand.....

All I meet are guys who want to have sex with me and that´s it. All the girls I know either, the same happens to them, or they have had the same boyfriend for years.

I don´t understand. Where do they meet guys who want to be in a committed relationship? It makes me so sad because I feel as if guys only want me for sex. I want sex too, but inside a loving relationship...

I want to make it clear that turn down the guys who only want me for sex, I don´t sleep around lol. I´m actually a virgin.
Also, I honestly had no idea the same thing happened to guys, I´m sorry. Wouldn´t it be great if all the people who want loving relationships just found each other?


Most Helpful Guy

  • That's a common problem in your age range. Guys hit college age, and, especially if they actually go away to college, figure out that there are enough girls desperate for companionship and validation that they can get sex without any commitment, and they lose all desire to be "tied down' by a relationship. Plus, they're in their sexual peak years.

    But not all guys are like that; just nearly all of the popular/attractive ones. Those are the ones you really want, I know, but too many of your gender are willing to give up easy sex to them, so if you won't do the same, they're just going to move on to the next girl who will, and you aren't going to change that about them.

    That leaves you with two choices:

    - The shy, geeky, or just-not-confident-with-women types of guys, who will appreciate a relationship and a girl to be close with, and have no problem with a relationship. The girl will have to initiate more with these guys, and be more understanding that these guys won't understand many social conventions (you'll have to do some teaching), but they usually make good, loyal, appreciative boyfriends. They'll also be in your age range, and if you're away at school, will be living a similar lifestyle, if that's important to you.

    - Older guys. Guys in their late 20s-to-early 30s (and up) will have largely gotten past their self-centered "party phase" of their life, will have gotten established in their careers, and are ready for real relationships. They will actually be MEN at this point, with some experience and wisdom, and can take charge and be leaders. They will probably also have some resources of their own at that point (a car and their own place to live), rather than living carefree off Mom and Dad's money, so they'll appreciate things that younger guys often don't.

    If you don't want to be single (and why would you?), pick from one of these two groups. and you'll be able to find what you want. You might even be surprised at how much happier you are compared to what you THOUGHT you wanted...


What Guys Said 28

  • Depends heavily on your environment, it's demographics and how common casual sex is, plus how good looking the guys are you are going for.

    Age is a big factor too. If you still have guys your age without a lot of experience some of them will more likely want to commit. I'd actually say less guys want to commit as they get more experience, then they start being open to it again later

    • Good answer

    • Re update:

      YES ... it would be great if people could meet up with those who want the same.

      Of course, they sort of can.


      Be very clear and open about what you're looking for. Don't play coy, don't try to trap people.

      If you want a boyfriend where you are close and intimate and emotionally care for each other and explore sex and enjoy that together, say so. Tell anyone who cares. And guys who want that will think 'WOW that's what I want' and take an interest.

  • It's called patience without it you're gon keep running into the same douchbags lol but seriously though I'm sure you like sex and all like the rest of us but ya gotta have patience make em work for it I mean really work not like a week or 2-3 dates make sure it's long enough that the average player says uck this and goes to get ass somewhere else. If you're trying to figure out if a guy really likes you ignore him for 3-4 days straight or as long as you can and see how often he tries to contact you if he gives up trying then he ain't the one for you because I know when I want something I'm persistent as can be.If a guy kind of gives ya the cold shoulder do this also because that's what my girl did to me I told her in the beginning I didn't want nuttin serious I had just gotten out of an 7 year relationship and then a bunch of short relationships as well lets just say she's persistent too actually to the point of being too pushy and I'm a rebel so I went against almost everything she wanted me to do well after 3 years she had enough and bounced left the state even and ignored me for a week straight drove me f***in bonkers lol but she did wake me up that way and I made sure I won her heart back. But yes patience is the key if ya ask me don't go looking for a relationship live your life and have fun and when you find one worth it you'll know more than likely and if ya don't know at first like me I'm sure you'll figure it out sooner or later whether it's on your own or through a break up because sometimes a breakup and time to think will bring a couple back together and stronger than ever...

    • worst advice in the world.

    • Show All
    • Theres a price for your eternal rebellion, my friend.

    • I'm j/k man jeez people need to lighten up a lil...lol Change your tampon or take a pill maybe I don't know honestly but I'm not racist against anyone if that's how you took it Ii'm sorry you don't know me to know my personality but I was just bein stupid because ol boy said china wanted there wall back no harm intended I apologize. Trust me I've paid more than enough for my rebellion as a young adult...

  • I want a meaningful relationship to and also have the same viewpoint of women as you do men depends on the individual person I guess or when you meet that special someone.

  • Funny, I think the same about girls. There are just fewer of the type you're looking for. Try church, volunteering places, etc. People who do those sorts of activities usually have higher moral fiber than the average slob you meet at bars, etc.

  • The question goes the opposite way too, but the answer truly somewhere out there. There are guys who love to commit. Sadly most girls never give them chances or see them as potiential dating partners and vhoose rather friend zone them, and later whine there aren't any good men left out there.

  • You aren't alone.

  • We're out here trust me, for a sure fire way to find one become a Mormon, if you don't want to join a cult though then really any church you can usually find some. Or look for guys that have been major friend zoned, they're usually the best guys you'll ever meet.

  • Where can guys find girls who want to commit? That's what I want to know.

  • We are all over the place but we just get put in the friend zone, I'm being honest here.

    • Isn't it a two-way deal, though? I bet tons and tons of guys would avoid the dreaded "friend zone" if they were just confident and made their intentions known at the get-go. Something along the lines of, "hey... so I think you'd make an awesome friend, but I'm attracted to you and I'd love to take you out. Give me a shot--you'll have fun."

      Easy as that, fellas. If she shoots you down, big whoop! You just saved yourself months of heartache. Yay for you!

    • If I knew a guy I considered my friend and he told ma exactly what you said, I would go out with him in a minute. It shows he is mature enough to tell me the truth in a respectful way. I would love that, how can you say no to that?

  • Church.

    • I go to church... I still love sex... so... your answer is invalid.

    • You are making a parts to whole fallacy. Just because you don't want to have a committed relationship doesn't mean that every man in Church is like you.

      Your comment is invalid.

  • Most women have already met those guys they are the ones the girl only see as.

    A. Not My Type.

    B. Just a Friend.

    C. Don't want to ruin our Friendship.

    These Committed guys, "Will Always Be There For You!" you just need to let your heart guard down a bit and Take a Chance on them. Trust me you'll be kicking yourself for not trying thier Love Earlier lol.

  • Friend zone, they care about you so much and want you to be happy even if it's not with them. So many times in the friend zone we here the girl tell us in confidence, "why there isn't and good guys around?" I sit there understandingly wanting nothing more for them to be happy; so I bite my tongue and hope see figures it out, and if she needs anything be there for her. Granted, not all of a single guy female friends are friend zoned, but there is usually one girl he cares deeply about.

  • those are what you girls call the boring and desperate guys

  • Most of those guys are overlooked due to the guys you've mentioned. If you truly desire to find them, they are a lot closer than you would believe. Social, class, work circles they can be found there.

  • Bookstores, museums. There seem to be more mature people there. I don't want to sound pretentious, but if you keep going to the Target right by the university or some bar you're gonna find the same horny guys.

  • Hey why not find artist types, or religious types. We find a human special for who they are not for their bodies.

  • Stop going after men you think you can "tame" or "change."

  • Right here. I am possibly the only guy in my town to turn down sex.

    • But the thing is that I didn't even know the girl.

    • Only because I didn't know her ;)

  • I think it's probably the increased numbers of people who grow up in broken homes. It's pretty difficult to have a healthy attitude towards relationships if your parents set you a bad example. I don't like opening up to people, especially girls, because I don't want to be emotionally hurt like I was in my childhood.

  • There are men who are willing to date you for more than sex. Go join a church group or volunteer organization. You can't date worldly, wealthy and popular men who don't want sex. You have to find a more average Joe if you want someone who places higher value on you lack of having sex and more towards the future of perhaps having marriage/children with you. If you've found nothing but men who want sex, you're dating the wrong type of men, and need to switch venues.

  • Date older guys.

  • unattractive or ugly guys ( like me)

  • Honestly I'd never even consider dating let alone settling down with some disgusting used up woman that had been doing the casual sex thing before. I don't want the aids, ladies. but thanks for playing

    • Are you saying this because you think I sleep around? I dont...

    • No I'm saying it because statistically most American women do. Sounds racist, but I lived in US for 22 years and every single woman I dated there was a wretched lying slut. Total sh*t-tier society

  • Dating sites you can see the guys interest in those kind of sites and meet someone new!

  • i have the same problem, most girls only want to have sex with me or just be "friends". I can't get a single girl who wants to have a relationship...

  • LMAO @ "or they have had the same boyfriend for years." Right! because staying with the same girl for years isn't being committed...

    • I think they are just used to having the boyfriend there...not that it's anything serious. Simply someone she uses to cheer her up, a running partner, means to pay various expenses, etc.

    • mangetsby: you are absolutely right. A lot of the girls I meet who have been in a commited relationship for a couple of years, tell me they don't love him, they are just afraid of being alone again, they want someone to take them out, things like that. One even told me she doesn't leave the guy she's with only because she doesn't want to "do thing alone like me". I felt great when she told me that! (sarcastic, of course)

  • Thinking the same about the girls... Well , you will find the at jobs , maybe language schools , or activities like that... Not in bars , that for sure , and this guys aren't really going to be some strong , tall and that stuff but intelligent and really causes in approaching girls... Could you help with my question link


What Girls Said 4

  • I don't know. I found my boyfriend on vacation and he has made me very happy for the past five years. And we're both still virgins so I think I got a winner lol. But I see what you mean. Of my female friends, I'm the only one to have "settled down" with a guy for the long haul as they call it. The rest of them seem to have the same issue you're having.

    The only advice I have to offer (and admittedly it's not really advice) is: It's all about timing. You need to be in the right place in your life and meet a man who is in the exact same place in his life with the same goals and ideals as you, and then you'll have found your man. But it's really just a guessing game of trial and error as there's no real way to tell where they are in their life in relation to where you are in yours.

    Some, like me, find their match right away at a very young age (he was my second boyfriend and I was 14) and others take longer to find theirs. The only thing I can tell you is to keep your chin up; the right guy will come along eventually.

    • 5 years with you and you didn't give it up? Give this man an award!

    • He's a good guy, I guess.

  • Where do girls find guys who want to commit?

    I find them wherever I go. Other gals probably find them in guys who are desperate or have no to little options hence he wants to commit because it means a steady sex supply. It's telling how often guys who want a girlfriend/wife rarely have any sexual options and no to low success with gals.

    " It makes me so sad because I feel as if guys only want me for sex"

    Probably suited not to let guys behaviors affect your emotions. Guys likely only want sex unless the gal is exceptionally attractive and/or exceptionally subservient pandering to his ego. I fill the former of being attractive probably why I get so many guys who have 'feelings' for me and want to commit.

    • I disagree. There are guys who want to settle with the right girl without a need for sex. I'm an example

    • Show All
    • Yeah I don't know if I just have a low sex drive or what but I like to have that warm special feeling and prefer it over sex.

    • @Michaelmwm19

      Possibly low sex or more feminine than masculine as most guys likely want sex and that supposed "special feeling" they have.

  • In your age group to be honest guys who are willing to commit are few and far between. I think it's more the norm these days that guys prefer to engage in more short lived flings and one night stands until they reach a point in maturity where they feel able to take on greater responsibilities. You'll probably notice that even with your friends in longer-term relationships, actual commitments take a long time to come around. I think women feel this urge earlier in their adult life so it can be a frustrating period when it comes to dating. I'd advise you to enjoy it, though - enjoy being single, concentrate on your education or your career, that way when the guys come around they will be faced with a woman who is fulfilled in her own life and who it would be impossible to let slip through their fingers. That said, there's no harm in putting yourself in the best possible position for meeting a good and responsible man - try social groups and meetings centred around your interests.. pretty much anywhere other than a club or a bar can be a good place to meet a decent guy.

  • i feel the sameway so many girls give it up for nothing ruins it for the rest of us

    • Yeah, but those aren't the girls guys typically want to take home to their family...

      you will eventually find someone decent, don't worry.