Is this healthy or not?

I am 20 years old, he is 34. We met about 2 months ago and we knew we liked each other and everything was going correctly even though my parents said no way. We mutually agreed not to be in a relationship but to be like polyamorys which is where there is open love kind of. It was meant to be us then in however long it took we would be ready for someone else or more people to join, but he instantly started to behave differently by outrageously flirting with my 18 year old friends, openly jumping on top of another girl lying on the ground, touching, lingering looks, repeatedly saying you should move in with me or we should hang out more to as many other girls as possible. Now all these girls are friends and are not interested in him but suck up the attention and they are all around my age. He opens his house up for couch surfing and woofers, but usually they are girls that he sleeps in the same room as or has one sleep in his bed. He is all peace love joy but fails to see how unusual his behavior is even when I told him it was too much and I felt weird. Recently he was doing this to a 16 year old and when she left he said that he was thinking ungodly thoughts about her, and I said that is paedophilia. He has had bad breakups with monogamous female his own age maybe this has messed him up. He does not work even though he has genius intelligence and he is always lecturing us girls about life and we can’t disagree with him. We have not had sex but he does like to play around with me when it’s just us two and I’m thinking of walking away from this because when I like a guy I want him, and if he wants everyone else too it just doesn’t work. I feel I do put up with a lot and there is a power balance gone wrong but there is a voice that tells me there is something very wrong with this.

I have been thinking that he might be a predator of some kind and has low confidence, but I would like to hear some other opinions? Thankyou and by the way this is a very real situation I am in so be as honest as you can.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Please leave...i am grossed out and your living it. not me...he is a grown ass man who behaves like this? I don't care about the age difference that works for some people and older guys can be really great when it comes to knowing how to treat a woman...however...this guy has obviously crossed several lines...he is 3 steps away from getting you to do some weird sex sh*t that leaves you feeling more violated and grossed out then satisfied...and he's 6 steps away from keeping you in a box under the bed for the next 20 yrs...both of these are going to ruin a lot for you...I would just walk away before it gets nasty...And make sure you carry pepper spray or a stun gun close by if you can't bring a mob of guy friends to get whatever you need to get that involves you possibly being alone with safe...and try dating guys your own age or slightly older not mid 30's I said age doesn't bother me...but the only reason to date an older guy I because he's into you and mature...not awashed out hippie creep man...who cares why he's the way he creeps you out then peace out...


What Guys Said 2

  • This guy is a covert pervert for sure. He likes younger girls, doesn't want to do any hard work, uses you as a means to get other girls and that's all.

    Your gut is correct, vamoose and leave any friends or whoever you've introduced to him to their decisions - don't even look back to feel bad or advise them. scram - get clear

  • I'll keep this as short as possible, go with your gut.


What Girls Said 2

  • He is playing you. You have to remember that he's 34 and you're 20. He's been with many women, and I'm assuming you've been with only a handful of guys. He is very experienced and telling you what you want to hear. He may not be a "predator" but he definitely doesn't love you and will use you as a sexual toy. Sorry for the tough love, just my opinion. Good luck! :)