We fought, and she's hurt. Can things be normal again?

I've seen a girl for a little over a month now. We liked each other very much. Intense passion. She had a boyfriend that was cheating on her and has been abusive to her. I had a bad girlfriend as well. I broke up with mine a couple weeks in. I told her there was someone else. We grew very fond of each other and she was waiting till the end of the semester to see her boyfriend again and break up with him.

Towards the end of that month, some of my colleagues and my ex-girlfriend notified me that the girl was sleeping around with another guy for as long as she knew me. She promised me she'd never hook up with anyone. She said she liked me and wanted to date. I asked her, she denied it. Every day since then I'd try to believe her, but was informed by my ex and her friends not to. Eventually, I talked to that guy she was sleeping with. I uncovered a lot. Yes, she was sleeping with him. But for months, even before she knew me. I was severely hurt.

I confronted her and asked her why she lied. I was in a rage that it would take her THIS much to tell me the truth. I was so p*ssed at her I couldn't even think. She told me she stopped talking to that guy since she saw me get mad when I first asked her, and she was trying to change. I told her that I couldn't believe her any more. On impulse, I sent her boyfriend the message convo between me and the guy she was sleeping with. I wished I could take it back.

I told her later that night (and her boyfriend called her furious and broke up with her). She was furious. I couldn't sleep. I called her again and again to apologize. When I eventually got to her, we were both emotional. I told her I'm deeply regretful and despite what she did I'm willing to look past it. She was miserable. She said she wishes not to speak to me for a while.

I know what she did was wrong, but what I did was wrong too. I wish there was a way I could show her I'm truly sorry, and that things could slowly go back to how they were. Please help, I've been struggling with this.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think things have become very intense for both of you. This began with her hiding from you that she was sleeping with someone else. Sadness and rage can make us do things we didn't intend, it stops us from thinking and the hurt guides us to act on impulse. What you did wasn't a good response to your hurt, and hurt her in turn, two wrongs pretty much seldom make anything right, but things can heal up again.

    You need to give her and especially yourself, time apart to recover first, let things cool down. I'd say a few weeks after this event. Then I would try talking to her. Start on a positive note to avoid any hurt and arguments, talk it through how you feel and ask her how she feels, plan together and set some promises to each other that you will be honest to each other, if you both decide to keep the relationship.

    If this doesn't work out (Takes two people to want to work things through) things have gone too far and it possibly won't work if you go back to a relationship where you feel you can't completely trust that person after they lied to you, and the same for her. Wait a little then talk it through if you feel you don't want to lose her.

    All the best.