Lesbians. How did you know you were lesbian?

I have been questioning my sexuality a lot lately. I have an inner hatred towards men for personal reasons, and I can't decipher whether or not I just don't like men or if I am a lesbian. Sometimes I look at some girls and they just look so pretty to me, and I can't decide if I am attracted to them or if I just think they are pretty. I am also not opposed to the idea of hooking up with a girl. Does this make sense? Anyways I would like to know how you came to the realization that you were gay. Any thoughts?


Most Helpful Girl

  • i think the easiest way to tell would be to meet one, and hang out with them (I mean like hang out with them as a friend) that will give you a chance to better understand not only the lesbian culture, but they can introduce you to lesbian clubs and other lesbians. If you find you are attracted to one of them, ask them on a date and try it.

    If you through the process realize that you are not attracted to females, and just think they are pretty than you know that you may not be a lesbian.

    Keep in mind the line is not clear cut. I consider myself straight, however I watch lesbian p*rn and fantasize about sex with women. That being said I have no desire to actually date any females or even to kiss them.

    • Thank you. I honestly think I may be just like you with that last statement you made. But I think I may take your advice just to make sure....

    • You also said you just have no desire to be with men. Are you not sexually attracted to them? It is possible that you are asexual (doesnt mean you are not a gender, cause you are a girl but that you are not attracted to either gender)

What Guys Said 3

  • "I have an inner hatred towards men"

    I don't exactly blame ya, our gender has really degraded in quality in the 30 years at exponential rate.

    • Haha not sure if that was meant to be sarcastic, but my dislike for men stems from certain situations in my life (with my father) and such. Maybe I shouldn't say I "hate" men. I guess I just have no desire to be with them because of they way I think they are. Does that make sense?

    • I wasn't being sarcastic =p, a lot of our gender are just disgraces to the Y chromosome

    • Ughh.. Its white knights like you, that make men look bad, by agreeing with women that men are generally the scum of the earth. You're not helping at all.

      No one's perfect, and there are plenty of inconsiderate girls and guys out there. You can't just put a blanket statement that men are worse then women in general.

  • If you have a hatred for men then you are probably not a true lesbians. All the really dyke lesbians I met are very cool with guys and usually act like one of the boys. I have no idea what you can do but, maybe if you hate men so much you should just be a lesbian anyway, you might be more happy that way

    • I believe girls can be lesbians because they don't like guys. Well, if they were bisexual before and then had a very bad experience that made the gender seem very unnatractive to them, therefore making them a lesbian.

      I know a girl who says that sex ed in school made her a lesbian. They put the idea into her head that guy+guy=lots of stds, guy+girl=babies, and therefore girl+girl=safest.

    • A lot of girls who were sexually abused or grew up with abusive fathers or just had bad experiences with guys become lesbians. You can be born gay but you can also program yourself a little to sway to one side

  • You know you are a lesbian, when you don't find men sexually attractive at all, but you do find women sexually attractive.


What Girls Said 6

  • Being a lesbian isn't about having an inner hatred towards men. Being a lesbian is about being romantically and sexually attracted to other women (and not attracted to men---naturally, not just because you've had some bad experiences with them).

  • I'm not a lesbian so I can't answer the title question, but I do like girls so I'll give it a shot.

    I'm pretty much the same, except for the dislike of the male gender. Sometimes I know I like girls and sometimes I really question it. I've decided that I'm pansexual and I just have days where I prefer one gender over the other (I can go from being straight on day and a lesbian the next, although it's been pretty stable lately).

    My suggestion is to try it, you'll never be 100% sure otherwise. It can't hurt, can it? Normally I would also suggest you compare your feelings towards guys to how you feel about girls, but since you don't like guys that won't help.

  • I'm not lesbian I'm bi but I found out with a drunk kiss that was amazing so took it further when we weren't drunk

  • I'm not a lesbian but i've watched lesbian p*rn and i really really just want to have a one time lesbian experience. Like realllyyyyyy... lols

  • Yes, many thoughts. There are so many reasons why people assume themself to be lesbian, but just remember that its not black and white. There is no such thing as being gay genetically, or being born gay. Its an emotional decision. It's very easy to assume yourself to be lesbian after having a tough break up, or after creating a new friendship with a girl that seems to good to be true. Keep in mind that even straight girls get girl-crushes, its a very normal thing. I realized that I was bisexual by actually talking to a friend who is bisexual, and really developing emotions for her. I thought about her just as much as I would thing about a boy I was crushing on. Does this ever happen to you? Do you know anyone who is lesbian or bisexual?