I found myself in a rather heated argument the other day with a friend on the subject of sexuality. It has always been my position that sex is not a commodity to be rationed, but a fun, free, and (if properly executed) completely harmless social pastime. I find selective, safe promiscuity to be liberated. My friend, however, considers promiscuous, experimental, or polygamous sexual behavior to indicate depraved self-indulgence and a fundamental lack of self esteem. Though not at all religious or politically conservative, she employs the word "slut" regularly, often towards women for whom I have a deep respect, and who seem to me to be perfectly confident, functional individuals.
For those who consider open relationships, one night stands, experimentation, and purely erotic relationships to be repellent or Wrong I then pose the following questions: What, in your opinion, is acceptable sexual morality? Are the rules different depending on gender? What is sex for (procreation, pleasure, emotional bonding)? I don't care about religious justifications; that's your business and holds no sway over me at all. I do, however, want to better understand this type of mentality, because at the moment it seems so very contemptible.
For men who avoid experienced women because their "value" has decreased due to the ease of "conquest," do you really feel that the main challenge in building a relationship lies in bedding a girl? Can't a woman be sexually accessible whilst retaining the emotional and intellectual complexity that I THOUGHT is what makes people worthwhile? Is a girl's value really directly proportional to her unwillingness to have sex with you?
For men and women who have many partners in short periods of time, do you generally feel as though you are judged or scorned? How do you view your sexual encounters? Are you also open to long-term monogamy? Do you think the word "slut" applies to anyone?What role does sex play for you?
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I agree with you completely, but I import one condition. I think that men and women alike should have a reason for sex. I think a lot of people (women in particular) have sex to please their partner, and not please themselves. I think sex should be fun (and safe). Don't get me wrong, I think it is a special and beautiful thing, but I don't think that this taboo is necessary. I despise the words "slut" and "whore" because they are mistakeningly used so often. Double standards are ridiculous, men and women should be able to enjoy sex without prejudice as to who should be having more.
Personally, I don't really have casual sex. I've tried it and it wasn't that great (could just be luck of the draw, though). But I think it's odd how people (once again, especially women) don't explore their sexuality. Or they think that its a choice/exclusive kind of thing. Like you are either kinky or "loving" or whatever. I personally like variety. Sometimes I want it hard, rough and dominating (whether it be me or my partner in control, doesn't matter) and sometimes I want it slow and sensual. I can happily say I've experimented with a lot and it means I know what I like and am able to fully satisfy myself.
Sex is a way of expression for me. Whether I be frustrated, emotional, angry, playful or excited, etc - it's a great way to organise and release your emotions.1