Why do people call guys who don't have girlfriends, Gay?

I'm a shy, quiet guy in college. That is my choice because I'm not in college to socialize, make friends or talk to women. College to me is work, studying, and just that only. What I don't appreciate is people calling me gay just because I choose to be single.

I'm not gay, In fact I'm far from it. I don't have a girlfriend and I'm not gonna have one for a while. It's nobody's business anyways, so they should butt out and let me focus on myself. I will not chase random women I do not know, which is half the women at my college.

Why do people call guys who don't have girlfriends, gay? I'm not gay and I don't appreciate it when people call me that just because I choose not to talk to women. That's not what college is to me. I'm 23.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know the feeling exactly. I find it kinda frustrating at times, because I'm expected to be all sexually expressive towards women, yet this is on the same campus telling me that it's misogyny to be sexually expressive towards women.

    But also, yeah, I came to college for engineering. It's my hobby and my passion. If you came to college to socialize and drink, that's a hella expensive party. And chances are, I'd have trouble taking someone like that seriously, let alone date them. I only date girls who are passionate about intellectual things.

    I had a girl recently who thought I was gay on the basis that I was single, and that I wasn't violent. I mean, really? It was no surprise, then, when she told me about how big of jerks her exes were. For crying out loud, you think a guy is gay just because he isn't violent?! You're actively CHOOSING jerks.

    Of course, I'm not homophobic in the slightest. If someone says "dude, are you gay." I say "not exactly. But thanks for the compliment." There's nothing more destructive and oppressive towards men than homophobia. Gotta be a "real man" and f*** some chicks. Gotta be a "real man" and beat people up if they insult you. Gotta be a "real man" and think all other guys are ugly. To that I say, "Take that boyish BS and shove it into your eyes so you can see how full of sh*t you really are. You Jersey Shore sock puppet." I'll have sex when I meet a girl who meets my standards and we hit it off.

    Until then, I have some signal demultiplexers to design. Not because I'm "that bored", but because I'm "that interested" in learning, growing, and expanding, rather than shoving cocktails down my throat and shoving my "cocktail" down random girls' throats.


What Girls Said 6

  • Yeah I get the same reaction from people except I'm 20 and people say I'm a lesbian because I've never had a boyfriend. It was funny in the beginning but now It just got old and I'm sick of hearing it. It really is no one's business but your own. It shouldn't matter what they think. Just tell them to mind theor own business.

    Im not sure what exactly bothers people that people choose to remain single. Maybe its because people are supposed to be dating and when someone breaks away from that, they automatically assume something terrible about them because people don't take kindly to different.

  • some people are idiots... So because I have never had a boyfriend am a lesbian ? I don't think so, lol chill dude not everyone thinks that...

  • They think that you are in the closet. Since you are not pursing girls you must be interested in men on the down low. Just shrug it off. You are not gay so who cares.

  • Do you have effeminate mannerisms?

  • Why do you care? You say you're in college to learn and not socialize. Also you're not gay, you're far from it. LOL

    • When you get that **** from your family as well. It can get aggravating!

    • Well, I guess you're just going to have to deal with it but you're far from gay.

  • Guys do that more than girls.

    • You mean guys do it mostly to guys? Yeah, I agree.

      But you also have to agree that when it comes to homophobia, it's mostly directed towards guys.

      I hear a lot of how unappealing gay guys are because it's not "manly enough". Ugh. Imagine if I found a girl repulsive because she played video-games or was going to be an engineer, on the basis that it wasn't "girly enough." We do that to guys all the time. We have to make sure we keep proving we're a "real man" by anyone's arbitrary standards.

  • It's called taking the piss. Guys take the piss out of everyone for something. You just need to lighten up and appreciate the banter, it's better than being that one guy in the corner no one likes or talks to.

    • You think I care if people like talking to me, I'm in college to talk to anyone. I'm just there to learn and only that.

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    • I'm blocking you

    • hahahahah you rock randomhobo. This quy really is gay!

What Guys Said 15

  • it's built of out immaturity. most guys have strong libido's that they will act on and when a guy doesn't rather than understand or consider their position they assume there is something wrong. It's essentially the immature feeling of if something is different then it is wrong.

    I think something to strongly consider is are these people really your friends who are saying this? I was single for rather significant parts of college and it was never suggested once that I was gay. I think I had friends who understand what I was about. I was interested in flirting with every girl I came across and didn't do casual hookups/sex/etc.

    but is simply comes from the mindset of what is different from is scary and rather than understand some will tear down, mock, or insult

  • Because gay men used to (or still do) pretend to simply be not interested in sex to avoid the harassment of people who didn't approve.

    Because 'society' is nervous when people aren't filling their designated roles.

  • Stop giving a f*** what other people think.

  • Because those other guys (and some girls) view masculine heterosexuality as chasing the "soft pink velvet", aka "vagina".

    Ive had gay rumors swirl around me in the college dorms because I'm a well-dressed, clean-cut-looking, charismatic, sociable, fairly attractive black dude that wasn't known for chasing p***y.

    Then I realized WHY those rumors came about...it was because due to how I am and present myself, that I COULD get a lot of action with girls because of me deemed overall as attractive to women, but CHOOSE not to. WHY is he choosing to NOT get sexual action?

    If I was more challenged socially or physically, I would just be considered a "loser" and not considered "gay".


    Maybe you're in the same position as I was. :-P

  • it's the closest we have to when girls call each other a 'slut'. But, such a thing is also a bit behind the times: these days being called gay is only offensive if you're either a closeted homosexual or a hillbilly (what's the difference?) - though I suppose any lie can grate on people's nerves over time.

    • it's also possible that this is just their way of saying "hello!" You are supposed to come back with some equally mindless insult such as "doing your mom in the ass doesn't make me gay."

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    • Not a psychologist (I'm seeing one lol). I meant I'm not approaching a woman if I feel like she will reject me.

    • you may have confused my answer with someone else's. I never suggested that you should approach any woman.

  • It's a social dominance game. Cool guys who consistently get girls do that to shy guys in order to keep them down and prevent them from becoming a threat to their social position. It's also ego boosting to know you can piss the hell out of a random dude and get away with it. Kinda like bullying. But the confidence you get out of bullying helps you keep scoring with the ladies because being an *sshole bully gets you psusy, while being a shy quiet guy doesn't. So it all comes down to sex, the most powerful force in the animal kingdom.

  • Shaming tactics, I guess.

  • Because some people are immature and stupid...

  • becuase the world favors women

    • umm. wait what?

      I'm starting to see what some of those questions about MRA's are about.

  • I hate society as a whole sometimes

    • I hate society period

  • Here's the thing I am just like you, I am 28 years old single and a 4th year college student. I have had girlfriends off and on during my college career and I can tell you that I am more happy being single than I ever was in the relationships. School is what is important to me than a woman who is just going to cheat on me is. Woman come and go but once you have that education no one can ever take that from you. DONT SCREW UP YOUR FUTURE BY CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OR SAY IT ISN'T WORTH IT.

    • Agreed! School > relationships period. :) Sadly, a lot of crappy people go to college, hence why relationships in college can be less pleasant than being single.

  • "College to me is work, studying, and just that only."

    If that is all it is, then calling you gay should be utterly irrelevant.

    "I'm not in college to socialize, make friends or talk to women."

    So other peoples opinions and comments should not matter a whit.

    • My family says it as well

  • Yes it's a very bad trend to call a single guy a gay. some guys want to be or act cool in front of girls or girlfrens to impress them. and the irony is some f***ing girls laugh at their f***ing nonsense and make fun of others. Don't stay reserved and lonely. make frens not like the that f***ing attention seekers but guys who are good in studies. Make a group and be together most of the time. try to talk more and laugh as much as possible. don't be shy with the girls. talk to them openly, complement them, try to be funny or you can even flirt with them you don't have the fear of getting rejected or something as you are not in a mood to make a girlfren now. But if a girl is interested in you don't leave them.

    • I never said I was lonely at all, where did you get that from?

    • You obviously do not read. I'm not in college to form relationships with anyone, I go to class and I leave that's it.