What makes a couple sexually incompatible?

That is, what would make two people sexually incompatible that could not be worked through and resolved? I've been trying to think of a sexual... Show More

Most Helpful Guy

  • Sexual incompatibility? What matters is what we are willing to sacrifice for each other. Too often we demand this or that from our partner: we want the other to be compatible with us, instead of thinking how we can make our partner happy, even if it means a little sacrifice. That is why divorces, break-ups, etc are so prevalent: our thinking is about "me, me, me" instead of "us". That is why pre-marital sex is so prevalent: to test out the waters, to see if the other person is "compatible with us" (not the other way round, mind you), because we don't want to make an effort for our partner, because we want to see if there is "chemistry". We want everything to instantly click together like in this TV show or that other movie. But relationships take work.

    Call me a dinosaur, but I believe couples were happier a hundred years ago when divorce was taboo compared to today, when breaking-up as we grow tired of each other is natural. Why? In the old days, couples didn't even think of finding someone else, so they focused all their energy on their existing relationship since there was no other possibility: work on it, fix it, endure it no matter what. I am not saying being trapped in a relationship is good; what I am trying to point out is how good the "let's make this thing work" mindset is. When people set their minds this way, they learned to sacrifice, they learn to know each other and to live for each other. And that is the only way a relationship can grow. The point here is not whether divorce or splitting up is good or bad. Rather, I am trying to point out the wonderful things that happen when people decide to stay with each other even if it entails making sacrifices.

    I know this might sound counterintuitive, but the beauty of a relationship is in the sacrifices we make. Love is, above all, to give. In the end, we learn to give with joy, because when we give, we receive, because there is no "you" or "me" anymore: there's only "us", for we have learned to become one. The joy of knowing that we gave up ourselves for our partner's sake will make us forget what it is that we just sacrificed. What does it matter that we suffered a little if it brings a smile to our loved one's face?

    If one person in a relationship is willing to sacrifice, that relationship has a future. If both parties and willing to do whatever it takes for each other, that relationship is pure bliss.

    "So what happened to Joe and Jane? " "Oh, they split up because there were sexually incompatible". Sure.

    • Wow. You have quite eloquently summed up exactly how I feel about this issue. I mean, what kind of a relationship is it if you're not willing to make sacrifices for the person you "love"? Two people out only for their own pleasure do not a happy couple make.