Should I Tell My Mom I Was Sexually Abused By My Father?

Ok, So I Am Almost Turning 21. In My Life I Have Been Molested Twice. . Once By My Uncle And Once By My Father. These Both Happened When I Was Younger. My Parents Know About My Uncle But Since I Was So Young They Couldn't Prove It.

I Was About 7 Or So When My Father Did It To Me. I Never Told My Mother Because I Wanted Her To Be Happy And Not Leave My Father.

I Have Always Pondered About Telling My Mother But Things In Her Life Are Hard And I Just Feel It Would Break Her Heart. . .

My Uncle Is Currently Going To Prison Cause He Yet Again Molested A Little Girl So Its Me My Cousin And This Little Girl So Far Its HORRIBLE.

My Mom And I Talk About It And It Just Makes Me Want To Tell Her What Had Happen To Me With My Father. How He Use To Sneak Into My Room At Night With Her Sleeping In The Next Room.

Do I Dare Tell Her?

How Do I Tell Her?

Or Should I Just Wait Until That Moment When They Are No Longer Together Either By Divorce Or Death. . . And Just Keep It Hidden And Deal With It Myself.

Im So Unsure And Have Been For So Many Years. Someone HELP!

Updates:
As I Read Through Your Comments Id Like To Thank All Who Wrote Them. . . Ugh I Can't Help But To Cry. I Feel That I Can Never Be At Peace With What Happened Until My Mother Knows . . . They Have Been Married Almost 21 Years. . Do I Break That?
I Don't Understand Why Its Effecting Me So Much Right Now. . I Mean I Have Times Through Out My Life Since Then Where It Has But I Dunno. . . I'm Just Sick About It All . . . I Wish I Would Have Told Her Then . . .
So I Was Talking To My Best Friend About This Today. She Brought Up Good Points. This Could Turn On Me In So Many Ways. My Mom Could Resent Me For Telling Her Even Though Something Like This Wasn't My Fault But It Ruined Her Life By Me Telling Her.
All My Mom Has Is My Dad And Me. I Have No Siblings. She Would Most Likely Loose Our House. . . And They Would Divorce. That Doesn't Bother Me So Much The Divorce Part. My Father Doesn't Make My Mom Happy. Which Pushes Me More To Say Something.
He Is A Pothead. An Alcoholic. He Only Seems To Care About His Habits. He Works Graveyards So When He Isn't Working He Is Sleeping All The Time. He Is Extremely Lazy. So All This Makes Me Wonder If I Would Be Giving My Mom The Break She Needs That Push
To Leave And Be Happy To Have A Better Life. But I Just Keep Thinking About It And I Almost Wonder If More Bad Things Would Come Out Of It Than Good. :( I Stayed Up Most The Night Crying Talking With A Friend. . Its Getting To The Point I'm Feeling
Uncomfortable Around Him Now. Just Cause Its Been On My Mind. My Friend Also Stated Should I Confront Him Myself?
I Don't Doubt That My Mom Would Not Believe Me If I Told Her. I'm Her Only Child, And Only Child She Will Ever Have. I Feel That She Will Be Hurt In More Than One Way And She Will Loose SO Much. . . She Would Be Destroyed I Just Don't know If I Could
Stand Knowing I'm The Reason Why Her World Was Turned Upside Down And Crushed. . . Maybe I Should Just Keep It To Myself And Get Some Professional Help Until A Better Opportunity Comes Along? . . . I've Dealt With It This Far. . . I Dunno. . . Ugh.
So I Found Out Today That When This All Went Down My Father Was Doing Meth. . . Ha.

Nice Right?
I Still Have Not Been Able To Tell My Mother... There Is Just So Much Going On In Our Lives And I Can't Bare To Even Try. I Wish It Was Easier...
Still haven't brought myself you say anything... the urge to tell went away a bit until a few months ago. I still want her to know, even more so now. a few weeks ago my father went into my room & through my drawers. The way that I found out was because he took a video from my drawers, please keep in mind I am 22 years old and there is no reason for him to be going in my room or in my stuff, even more so my underwear drawer. I felt so violated, physically sick and disgusted. I am so torn.
I feel as though I have waited way to long to say anything and that I'm conflicted, stuck between a rock and a hard place. I have the need to just tell someone ... anyone... but I want them to know me... Know my family and be close! To understand and see maybe even feel how I'm feeling in a sense...
 

What's Your Opinion?

0/2000

Most Helpful Opinion

  • I feel really sad for you. With the way your dad is, your mom could probably find someone much better. I don't know if he is a violent type of alcoholic but tell your mom what happened between you and your uncle wasn't the first time and that it happened from someone else and before telling her who it is; remind her not to directly confront him if he is physically abusive. If she immediately rushes at him yelling, he may lash out. I wouldn't confront him yourself for you safety. Tell her and ask if there is any friends you both can stay with in case staying at the house is not safe. I don't want to scare you but it's hard to tell how he might react if he knows other people know. If your mom knows this then, like you said, she may get the push needed to leave this pathetic man and find a better person for both her AND you! She may be able to finally say she wants a divorce. Nothing is more precious to a mother than her child. If you tell her, I'm sure she'd rather leave him to protect you than to keep you in constant misery. I'll try to reply again tomorrow when I have a clearer head (very tired). This is very serious and I hope more people will take some time to help you out.

What Guys Said 9

  • maybe now isn't the right time. maybe when your older conditions will be ideal

  • Maybe it would be best to seek professional help for now. They would know the best steps to take with your situation more than anyone else. There are many organizations and counselors even at college campuses who can help. It's unfortunate but I'm sure they've dealt with similar situations as yours and could help you handle and solve this problem. Eventually, your mother will have to know. Stay strong!

  • Yes... you should. And if she denies it, let her be. The main thing here is to fine closure for yourself.

  • You will have to come to term with it, maybe get some professinal help,

  • RE: updates - You're going through a stage of development and life change, it's natural that these feelings come up now. Are you in a new relationship, or has your relationship become closer? Maybe you just broke up, moved, etc? Have you looked into counseling? If you need to chat in private, go ahead and send me a message. I'm willing to help all I can.

    /hug

  • Wow... As the dad of a little girl, I feel nauseated and angry. I'm sorry you've had to deal with that. Should you tell your mom? My instinct tells me yes. She needs to know the man she married. And you should. Your uncle molested other girls - your father may too. Do what you can to protect them. It's a hard decision. I'm sorry.

  • Yes, and send him to prison

  • Send that asshole to prison.

  • Yes. You should.

What Girls Said 6

  • look I know is something to fear. but this also happened to me and it was traumatizing this always brings me to tears... but except I was sexually abused by my uncle ...i told my mother...she told me never to tell my father because my father loves me to death and my father was capable of killing my uncle..this happened 6 years ago..my father still doesn't know. my advise to you is to tell your mother...you might go to some difficult stuff and it feels horrible but do it for the best... just remember don't you ever let that stop you from being your self or living your life like you should...GOODLUCK..

  • Yes tell. Please don't feel guilty you did NOTHING wrong. He is the monster who did this to you. He has to take responsibility, do what is best for you. I can't imagine living with that for years and years, for your mental health and sanity you should tell.

    I'm not a mother but I am a guardian to a child and if anything happened to her I would want to know as soon as possible. I would hate to think she hid that for years and felt she couldn't tell anyone. Seriously SCREW her marriage, look at it like this, the longer you don't say anything the longer she is married to a rapist pervert. You don't deserve to go through this alone.

    • YOU'RE NOT THE REASON HER WORLD WAS TURNED UPSIDE DOWN

      HE IS THE REASON!

      HE CHOSE TO RAPE YOU BECAUSE HE IS A PEDOPHILE AND A PERVERT

      I don't see how you did anything wrong. You didn't. You are innocent and the victim here. HE is the one who fcked up.

  • I am so sorry. I really beleive you should tell her though, she has a right to know, she would probably want to know. Think if you had a child and he/she was molested by your husband or boyfriend, you would probably want to know right? Your mother loves you, and obviously this is weighing on your heart and has been for a while. Also by not saying something he could get the chance to do it again. I would just sit her down and just tell her that this has been something you have been trying to deal with for years, and its hard to tell her, and that its going to hurt, but you felt she should know and go on from there.

  • I think you should tell your mother about this because she also has the has the right to know that the man she calls her husband hurt her young one, which is you. But I'm sorry about this big burden you feel. No one should have to go through this.

  • No question about it, you need to tell her.

    Hope things work out for the best.

  • There's a lot of things to consider with this. Maybe weigh out the pros and cons. If you truly think it will break your mothers heart, and you don't want that to happen, there's a big con on telling her. But on the other hand, do you really think your mother would want to be with someone who molested her daughter? I don't have any kids but if I was a mother, I would want to know straight up, I wouldn't care if it was my parents, their siblings, or my husband. If my child was molested, and he/she waited years to tell me, like you say do I wait until he dies/divorce, I would be hurt in the sense that they didn't feel like they could tell me or the thought it would hurt me too much. If you're going to tell her, just be straight up honest. Obviously, in my eyes, I wouldn't say it with your father right there, but take her aside. Maybe at first talk about your uncle, then say there was another incident. Then tell her about it. The law really can't do anything about it now, but your mother may well do some damage. Good luck on whatever you decide. :)

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