My fiancee acts sexually disinterested. He's either over it, overworked and tired, or settled.

To begin, my fiancee and I have been together three years. Just like everyone else we had sex often in the beginning, but even more than that we... Show More

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CONT"D... I've always been forced into stereotypical "male roles" in some aspect of my relationships and now I am finding that again. I'm not saying ONLY guys have to initiate things, but I like a guy that takes control in the bedroom...LIKE? NO. LOVE IT

Most Helpful Guy

  • Simple, sex no longer means anything to him. All those women who cheated on him even though he had been having sex with them? That hurts. Especially the ex who just makes fun of him. That's going to leave its trace. Another hint is that he doesn't know what it means to make love to a girl. To him, intimacy is going to matter more than sex. I hope you're not here just to have more sex, but to heal the relationship. He enjoys spending time with you, which is intimate in a nonsexual way, but fulfills most of his needs. You need to make it sexual to fulfill your needs, though. Most people express intimacy through sex, and feel intimate during sex. He doesn't. This can be hard to fix.

    ...I speak from experience. I have had the same thing. My ex was very messed up in the head. I never cheated on anyone. I figured out, though, that I still flirted with people, even if I had no interest in having actual sex with them. I'd flirt, get their number, and not call, because I had only good memories of first encounters with my exes- getting their names, numbers, etc. tended to be the best memories I'd had with them. (Speaks a lot to their character, doesn't it?)

    So my girlfriend and I have started flirting way more, trying to bring up that spark. So far it's working some- it's not anywhere near a total and complete fix, but I'm hoping the disconnect between sex and intimacy will start to close. It doesn't help that my girlfriend has never had a boyfriend before me, and as such has no idea how to flirt.

    I hope that this helps.

    P.S. I doubt the drugs have anything to do with this, as I have never done drugs and am experiencing a similar problem. My performance is decent. To the contrary, I feel almost nothing during sex. A warm body can make me hard but nearly nothing turns me on. A fast orgasm does not mean there has been "Great and wonderful sex."