but my husband seems kinda vanilla about the whole thing. It turns me on so much when I am tied up and toyed with, I like being out of control...how do I a) get past the want so he is comfortable, or b) convince him that he won't hurt me by being a little rough with me?
A) ok just take things slow one fetish(for lack of better word) at a time maybe one night ask him to spank you more, or one night spontaniously hand cuff your self to the headboard and hopes he comes to rescue you and then hopefully he will learn to put all that stuff together
b) you have to tell him you like it a little
rough then maybe show him just how rough you like it for example
after you tell him you like it rough and he still looks kinda suprised
bend over and make him spank you and tell him to hit harder or softer untill he gets it right
same with hair pulling and another thing you may enjoy but don't do it all at once you got slowly make him adjust his ways
and you may have to repeat these proceses untill he its second nature to him
It's what you like get him into it. You wouldn't expect to see a guy on here saying "I love vaginal sex, but my wife isn't into it how do I get past the urge to enjoy vaginas?". If it's something that gets you off and it isn't infidelity then you should have it your way, too.
Let him know what you like. Tell him in depth how much it turns you on (tell him in such a way it turns him on).
Tell him to try until he gets the hang of it and don't be afraid to let him know what to try, but not in a disappointed way. More like a "Yea, baby that's good now do this you sexy mother effer!" type of way.
He may not be great at first, but with most things keep practicing and he'll get better.
I would start him slowly and maybe have him do stuff to you after he ties your hands gently with a silk scarf above your head. If he is comfortable with that, find another step that takes it up a little bit, gradually, but not enough to freak him out. You're not going to turn him into a ropes master overnight, but maybe showing him how much it excites you (maybe showing him some video samples of what you like) would persuade him to give it a chance or take it to the next level.
If he's not dominant by instinct, he can at least become dominant by habit. Have him tie you up over and over until he gets over his block. It'll be repetitive, but he needs to get relaxed before he'll get creative.