Complicated Relationship?

I am having this relationship with someone and things have progressed in a way that can be described as "heady" and out of control. Heady in more than one way as we started having oral sex. Actually I started giving her oral sex and though she sort of did it for me also early on, now its increasingly me giving her oral sex. I am not into the bdsm thing but our relationship is progressing in a way that she is becoming more and more demanding of her needs. And increasingly it is obvious that I am aroused by pleasing her. It is becoming embarrassingly obvious that she is the dominant partner. Our communication is nearly broken except for sex, mainly me giving her oral sex and sometimes she giving me a hand job and this is usually (feels to me) to be dependent on how well I pleased her. She isn't dominant and I am not submissive per se. But the situation is becoming totally obvious between us and yet we cannot talk about it. And more disturbingly its progressing deeper, she grows more dominant and more demanding and I feel increasingly more compliant. I don't know where this is headed any more and it seems to be slipping out of my control. She is totally uncommunicative about it, mysterious and yet totally knows what's going on in my head.

well, that does sound complicated. I suggest you figure out what you want and talk to her openly about it.
^^ that's probably an answer I am looking for :(


Most Helpful Girl

  • It doesn't sound like you're unhappy with how things are. It's different, yes - but not necessarily in a bad way. You're just not used to such defined roles and it's quite a change for you so it's only human nature to be a little ambivalent about this kind of sexual relationship. If you don't like her being in control and you complying most of the time, then just sit her down and have an open and honest conversation. Otherwise, just enjoy.

    • Hey thanks for BA. :)

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What Girls Said 5

  • I don't believe in having sex before marriage but this sounds quite complicated to me. You need to tell her how you feel and basically spend more time doing little things together like having a meal out, watching some sport or going out for coffee/ to the movies. Try and bring your relationship back to the friendship level and figure out why you began going out in the firs place. If you don't like someone for who they are then you can't love them. Hope this helps :)

  • Guess it is up too you. If you like being in a relationship like that then fine. If you are not happy with the way things are going either talk with her and get it squared away or move on

    • thanks katiesmuff, that's I guess a simple answer.

  • She obviously has control of the relationship. The problem is that this doesn't really sound like a healthy relationship. There is no communication and it's all about sex. You need to find a way to talk to her and get her to communicate with you.

  • I guess you won't read any other answer here... you have

    1. the choice to talk to her. Tell her what YOU want.

    2. the choice to leave her alone and look for another girl or

    3. the choice to continue the relationship like this.

    Do you think there is a reason why she doesn't want to talk to you about this? I mean ... is it possible that SHE is not in a realtionship but more in a fwb-thing?

  • well I guess you need to decide if this is how you want your relationship to be. If your happy with being that way then there really isn't a problem, but if your not happy then you need to talk to her about it, and possibly tip toe on losing her...Leave and tell her that until it changes your done, your not going to live that way...


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