Boyfriend goes to strip clubs... what do you guys think?

I've realized recently that my boyfriend goes to strip clubs sometimes with his buddies. I've always wondered why I'm almost never invited to go downtown with them, but I just figure that my guy needs time with his boys, and I don't want to be clingy. But since he made a comment about Stars Cabaret that made it obvious he had been there, I am putting the pieces together. Now I am feeling very insecure. If it was once a year for a bachelor party, I would get it, but I don't understand why he would go more than that when he has a girl like me. :(

I would never want to go if he asked me and I'm sure that he knows that. I'm just asking is this normal? Why would you want to do that when you have a willing, pretty girlfriend? It makes me sad and angry.


Most Helpful Girl

  • If you are uncomfortable with it, talk to him about it. Seeming clingy isn't nearly as important as your comfort and communication in a relationship.

    I'm a stripper and I can tell you sweety that different men come for different things. Some men come because they feel like they should be able to enjoy themselves and watch women dancing around naked. Some men are not happy at home, or may not be fulfilled sexually at home. Some men are lonely. And so on. I would be concerned as to how much money they have to spend. I work in the VIP lounge, and I can tell you that if you are a concerned girlfriend you may want to keep your man away from that area. More explicit things happen than simply watching girls dance on stage.

    I don't know if you're comfortable with it, but maybe you want to talk to him about coming along? It depends on how open you are, but maybe it can help you become more comfortable with the setting. I have had a few men bring their girls with them, and I always try to make them feel comfortable, I flirt with the girls and make them feel welcome, I get them involved. It's more or less all about the women when they come to the club, because I understand the insecurity they may be feeling and I want them to be part of the picture of "sexy and desirable" so that it helps reignite that attraction in the guy's eyes if they are going through a dry spell. I got one guy's wife to come on stage with me and dance. She was red in the face, blushing, but she had fun and her husband was turned on. I would bet good money that they had great sex that night. Sometimes it may even mean the spark lights up again and they come to the strip clubs less. Other times not so much.

    A lot of the strippers where I work develop clients and actually have conversations with these guys. I have men who come to see me specifically, who like talking to me and sharing things about their lives, some of them even build an emotional attachment in a way. So I'm not going to pretend that its always just them looking then leaving. That would be lying to you. More importantly though, things can get pretty explicit, and I know most of these guys aren't telling their ladies what's going on here. So you should inquire and say you would like to know what's going on if he goes to the private lounges or not, and just talk to him about it.

    The fact that he didn't tell you and you were just cluelessly wondering why you were never invited is a bad sign to me. Not to say he'll leave you soon, because a lot of men like to have their cake and eat it too, but it's not honest or fair to you. What we do is not a vanilla business, it's not something that should just be assumed okay in a relationship. He should tell you that he's going out and staring at half naked or fully naked women, maybe getting lap dances and touching them or more in the VIP. He owes that to you if you both are on the same page of commitment. Talk to him about it.

    • Thank for your response! I really appreciate it.

What Guys Said 9

  • Everyone goes to strip clubs, especially when young - then they all get over it. If you go with someone that loves you & will protect you, then you'll somewhat understand and be more mature about all this.

  • Strip clubs aren't just about naked girls walking around. Here in the UK only in a few do the girls get fully naked. They don't walk around naked either. I know people that go there as it tends to be quieter than normal bars and a place just to relax.

    I think there is a prolem if he is going there once or twice a week and getting naked dances off the same girl/girls. If he is going there with his mates then there is no problem- as he is still with you isn't he!

  • its normal. he goes out and appreciates you more after he see's these kinds of girls. POSSIBLY. some girls like to go with their guy to such places to show they like to prove this. or maybe he's an asshole who likes other girls.

  • I don't think you should freak out. I go to strip clubs all the time and I Don't ever go home and dream about the girls. If you weren't good enough for him, he would've left you. He is with you becuse he wants to. So don't worry, as long as he's not asking you to get a Boob job or something!

  • hmm I think if he goes by himself that not cool but if he goes with his friends I don't see the harm in it its just fun with the guys maybe get some beer and tacos before and look at some tittes before you have to go back to reality and be a grown up

  • i guess it ISS normal.. but I sure as hell wouldnt. I've got what I want at home, I don't need to go check out sluts swinging from poles.

  • It isn't so bad.. Strip clubs are MOSTLY look but don't touch. I suggest a pole dancing class ;)

  • its cheating, plain and simple..

  • He is an idiot.

    Strip clubs are rank places.

    Dump him and let him hang out with his Neanderthal mates.

    Real men don't go to strip clubs!


What Girls Said 5

  • My boyfriend goes occasionally with friends. I don't think you should take it personally. Guys who go to strip clubs are not going there because they want to get to the girls. He probably thinks your are beautiful. The strip club is just his way of getting away from his problems, or just having a good time. It could even just be because his friends are going. As my boyfriend has explained, they are very gross places. It's mainly his buddies that want to go. It's more or less something to do. I'm sure that your boyfriend does not ask you because he knows you won't want to go. I wouldn't worry too much about this, I know it hurts you, but you shouldn't be hurt by it. A lot of the girls who strip are doing it just for the money, it's not to meet and hook up with guys.

  • he shouldn't be doing that when in a serious relationship. I think it will be best if you break up with him.

  • lets be honest. if you seen a girl naked all over your man you would be pissed... that's why he probably doesn't invite you. fo me I could careless if my man went to a strip club. there is NO harm in looking and having a guys night out. I have to admit a lot of women are hot so why not

  • i think you should take his money and run