My husband uses sex to control me

My husband uses sex to control me. He says I can't have any until I make my children mind. His being doing this for two years. I never get laid. Is it time to cheat or leave?

 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Never cheat. if it comes to that just leave b/c you will have more respect for yourself and others will also respect you more. But not knowing your full situation I don't want to tell you to break off a marriage that you have even though this is a big thing. It comes down in the end to your feelings. But I do think that sqyntz has got something. Make yourself happy if he won't do it for you. He is right it will give you back control. You don't have to be mean or hurtful about it, but next time he tells you know take matters into your own hands you don't have to say anything to him just roll over get your toy and go for it. This will make him see without a fight that you're tired of being told no that there are 2 people here and doesn't it suck to not get what you want and be told no or treated like you're not needed. He will get turned on and in the end of it he is gonna say something about it. It might not be right then and there it might be, but he will bring it up and then you tell him that your tired of being the one being used that there are 2 of you in the relationship and that you both need to share all of these things equally. If he doesn't like how the kids act and such he needs to take an active roll in raising them as well. If things don't get better use your judgment and if you feel like it comes down to cheating or leaving leave, never cheat. good luck :)

What Guys Said 5

  • hey baby. if you need some lovin. I will give you some when you need it.

  • You said YOUR children, not OUR children . So, I assume he isn't the father ? If that's the case, it shouldn't be much of a stretch for you to leave . You can't be in that kind of a relationship and expect to ever be very happy . I know it's easy for me to say, but if I were in your place, I would gather the courage and leave, the sooner the better . Just make sure you have money that he doesn't know about .

  • There is not a situation that I can think of that it would be ok to cheat on someone. If I were in your shoe's what I would do is first talk to him about it and tell him how you feel. if that gets you no where then try seeing a sexual counselour. if that does not work then as a last resort, leave him

  • Don't cheat..its never right...I'm 17 and even I know that...but tell him if he don't want you then you can find someone who does...I think you should leave...if he's that controlling....its nonsense.

  • There is another solution to this cause I hate to see a marriage go bad... but what you should do is just buy a toy and every time he does that just whip your toy out right in front of him and tell him if he won't do it then you will do it yourself!! This is your way of getting revenge cause not only with that turn him on but it will make him mad that he can't control you with that anymore and just continue to do this and not listen to anything he says!! Take back control of the relationship and tell him what an asshole he was being by doing that!! He can't expect you to do everything that's why he's your partner he's supposed to be there to help you so make him realize this!! If my idea doesn't work then break it off!! Never cheat on anyone though cause that's the same as breaking it off just with more hurt feelings!!

What Girls Said 4

  • In my experience, having sex is VERY important to most guys -- they love it, and they need it, and they want it often. That rather well-known fact is what gives us girls such power over guys. But sounds like your marriage is just the opposite. Hmmm. If you are never getting laid, what is your husband doing? Most likely, he's getting it somewhere else. You might want to think about that a little.

    • Or he's just jerking off

  • If he is using sex to control you then he will probably start trying to control more things in your life. A man should never try to control you period, and if he loves you he would not do that to you. A marriage is about loving someone, and working things out together. Besides, why are you being told to make your kids behave by him, why isn't he taking more responsibility to help you work on this? I hate to say it, but I think it might be time to leave him. I would try talking to him about it first, but if he refuses to correct his behavior leaving may be the only solution. Not to mention that at some point your children are going to notice what is going on, and is this the kind of behavior you want you kids to learn? Good luck. I hope it helped!

    • Good point. especially if you have a daughter. knowing or being aware of the sexual relationship b/w you two can damage her. it will create the fear inside her to find a guy that will never withhold sex from her.

  • Tell you the truth if he keeps doing that I think that you should leave him if you think it is the right thing to do!! but if you really love him you should stay!! but if my husband asked me about children mind I would come right out and tell him!!! if you really love him and etc. I really think you should stay with him!! I really don't think you should cheat at all its the wrong way to go!!! And also it would just make things harder and you would probably would be thinking about him a lot when you are cheating on him!! So either sit him down and talk to him about it and tell him what you think!!!!! And take some time to think about the children mind!!

  • If you have tried to make solution out and it's still this endless pattern. I think that it's time to leave. Sex shouldn't be about controlling someone it's about loving someone. Think about that.

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