I know he slept with someone else?

My boyfriend and I are getting married next summer. He currently lives out of state, but we have never had any problems with the distance. He is wonderful, and I mean that. There couldn't be a better man for me. And I love him very, very much. But I know he slept with someone else. He contracted an STD from her. I have not told him that I know because I don't know what to say. It does me no good to start a fight if I plan to stay with him anyway. The strange thing is that I am not angry. I don't doubt that he loves me and wants to marry me because he makes love to me with tears in his eyes telling me how much he adores me. I feel really conflicted. If he were anyone else, he would have been kicked to the curb by now without giving a second thought. But he is my heart and soul. And I have built my life around him. I know that if I broke up with him, I would keep loving him. And I know he would never stop loving me. It feels like such a waste to loose something so good over something I am not even angry about. The only thing that is giving me pause is that I don't know how well I can trust him anymore. I trusted him completely. And now... I know he will lie to me straight to my face. I don't know that I can build a life without trust.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Really its your decision, but at your age you still have options and a long time to find another partner, just because you have built your life around this man doesn't mean that you can't find somebody else and re-build yourself up again. The fact that he hasn't said anything to you says a lot about his character. How will this affect you and him in much bigger problems in your future together as husband and wife?

    The fact that your older means that you've done a lot of hard thinking to come to this decision and it seems like your just looking for reinforcement in this post. Because you are unsure means that you do have doubt about yourself and him in the future. The thing is is that he has a disease that will never go away, sure it can be suppressed to prevent other problems like Cervical cancer but that's something that YOU and HE will have to deal with from a day to day basis, and are ou ready to make that kind of commitment?

    Not only that but if you are FOR CERTAIN that he has the disiese than you and he will never be able to have children you do realize that? THink about this long and hard, I can promise you that if you do decide to leave him, that you will find another man and move on and be happy.

    • He only has it around his mouth, it hasn't presented on his low extremity. I do not have it. Preventative steps can be taken so I never get it. And warts can be easily removed. The health issue isn't an immediate danger. The big thing is that marriage is a huge commitment. I would be signing on for all of the ups and downs. I have to be able to literally trust him with my life. I am not worried about being alone. It isn't really about that. I don't know. I wish he hadn't been such a moron.

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    • It can also transfer if there is an open wound... like the kind you can get from shaving.

    • Well than that doesn't necessarily mean he cheated does it?

What Guys Said 6

  • How do you know he has contracted an std. Did you catch it from him do you have the std yourself

  • Reading between the lines, it sounds like what he caught is HPV. This is a challenging one for women. The warts are the least of it. Some varieties of HPV lead to cervical / uterine cancer, but this is a slow process possibly taking decades. If you catch it is possible to have no symptoms at all until it is too late. See: link

  • why would you stay with him,you want to wait till he does this again and by then you're in your thirties and desirable men won't want you. you have a very short window to get a guy don't waste it on a cheater

    • There is so much wrong with this statement, I almost don't know where to begin. First of all, you are assuming that I need a man for happiness which is a big mistake. A woman who looks for happiness in a man is looking for a lifetime of misery. Two: you are assuming this will be habitual instead of taking the realistic stand point that we have been long distance for over a year and even a saint would have trouble keeping it in his pants for that long.

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    • My last relationship ended because I cheated. I don't know how to explain it, but this feels like karma being restored. I am not angry about him cheating. I don't have a nagging feeling that he might want to be with someone else. And I am not worried about him sleeping with other people once we are married. I don't think it is a matter of him liking variety. He is loyal to a fault. His ex wife cheated on him for several years before she finally ended the relationship to be with the other guy.

    • wow you two are on completely different stages of life then me with you having cheated and him being married, I'm going to just say do what you want, does it really matter at this point

  • Dump him. -_-

  • So you say you "know" he cheated. But reading your answers it's just an educated guess, nothing more. You don't know beyondca reasonable doubt,sorry.

    You say he's a doctor. If he has symptoms of an STD he knows it, and he'd be smart enough to know you can be suspicious. So even he he cheats him keeping his mouth shut doesn't make any sense. He would at least come up with a cover up story.

    But if I take all your story as a fact (I don't), there would be a cheater never mentioning his cheating and STD to the woman he "loves" and a girl who wants to marry him but don't believe in confronting her guy about her suspicions even when it comes to life threatening matters as cheating and STDs... Just that alone makes the idea of a marriage between them two a big fat joke.


What Girls Said 5

  • He contracted an STD and STILL did not tell you? It would be one thing if he admitted almost immediately that he slept with someone else and came clean about it. But he still hasn't and he's risking giving you a disease (if he hasn't already). It does not sound like he's at all remorseful about this or willing to tell the truth to keep some of the trust in the relationship. If you marry him, this behavior will only become worse. The dating phase is the easiest part of a relationship. If he can't stay faithful now, he never will.

  • You can get HPV without being sexually active...How are you so sure?

    • It is contracted through physical contact with the virus. How else could he have gotten it on his mouth?

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    • If that were the case, she would have had the warts on her mouth. He is a doctor. He would know that it would be stupid to have physical contact. If, on the other hand, it were on her vagina, he would not have been able to see the infection.

    • I am so confused by everything you're saying o_o A virus is a virus, it's not localized in one area of your body. Sure you may get the warts in one place, but that doesn't mean the rest of your body doesn't have the virus. How do you even know he has the virus in the first place? Did he tell you?

  • Hold up...how do you know he's slept with someone else? :S

    • He contracted HPV around his mouth. It can only be contracted by physical contact with someone infected with the disease. Women who have HPV typically are not even aware of it. He was probably going down on a girl with the virus.

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    • She couldn't have had it on her mouth. The warts would ahve been visable. He was licked her p****. And I don't know of a single guy that licks a girl's p**** without getting something in turn.

    • honestly sweetie, get rid of him...that is very scummy!

  • I think you are blinded by love. I know you are CERTAIN but the fact that he cheated on you and didn't tell you shows he will just do it again...and again. You reallyn ever know and you should just be aware of that. He cries when he f***s you? And hides sleeping with others? And apparently tells you lovey dovey stuff? In all honesty I sense a sociopath in the makings. (Him)

  • How do you know he has an STD? Did you get it?

    He's lying to you, you're lying to him by pretending not to know...yeah, all those lies, that sounds like a good relationship.

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    • If you openly ask for advice online, you don't get to choose what KIND of advice you get. I'm giving you advice, you don't have to be a bitch about it.

    • Excuse you. That was completely unjustified anger. And for what? Because I am not sure about how to handle the situation even after a stranger tells me how to handle it? Shame on you.